not having kids (1 Viewer)

[cephalopod]

People keep asking me when I'm going to finish my PhD and rather than saying 'not for as long as I'm on thumped' I instead project my own dissatisfaction and twisted PhD guilt on to their innocent and curious inquiries, which gives a somewhat sinister and loaded undercurrent to said inquiries.

 

[Diddles]

How do people feel about adoption? I think I'd rather adopt then have kids of my own (I'm aware I'm a bloke and can't physically have kids but that's not what I mean).

I thought about it for years, but I came to the conlusion that what I would in fact be doing was buying a baby, and I didn't feel right about that.

 

[krystal]

How do people feel about adoption? I think I'd rather adopt then have kids of my own (I'm aware I'm a bloke and can't physically have kids but that's not what I mean).

whatever you want yourself, like. why do people think it's a cinch to adopt though? It's hugely difficult.

 

[Squiggle]

if Janer was here he'd say that people who don't want babies are just selfish and self-absorbed, and ye'd all have a good go at him. ah...good times.

Janer is 42, with two lady friends and no children... hmm... yes... I can see your point.

 

[Unicron]

How do people feel about adoption? I think I'd rather adopt then have kids of my own (I'm aware I'm a bloke and can't physically have kids but that's not what I mean).

I feel the same way (if I ever decided that I wanted them and conned some woman into wanting to spend her life with me, at the moment I'm leaning more towards not a fucking chance no not never), but I'm an adoptee so I don't buy into that biological flesh and blood connection thing at all.

 

[Catwoman]

I thought about it for years, but I came to the conlusion that what I would in fact be doing was buying a baby, and I didn't feel right about that.

!!!!

Er, that's not how it works.

Unless you're famous, obv.

 

[muffin]

I've never experienced any kind of 'when are ya getting preggers?' pressure from anybody and ,to be honest, i'd never given it much thought. Until the boy's sister was home for Christmas and I had to listen to her mum constantly going on about how girls her age are settling down and having families and when was she gonna do it.

I swear to God the anger was like a big firey ball in my stomach but I didn't think it was my place to say anything. According to the boy she's been on at her like this for years (she's only 28) and keeps telling her she'll end up on her own and whatnot. Horrendous stuff. Funny thing is the boy is only 3 years younger than his sister and she's never once mentioned 'settling down' to him..I know this isn't a proper personal experience but it was my first real introduction to this kind of behaviour.

 

[snakybus]

COnsidering that the world is overpopulating, I suppose not having kids -- or having fewer kids than people in the past have had -- might be viewed as a responsible decision. Otherwise we'll have to cull ourselves like lemmings: e.g.: cull

On the other hand...

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[magicbastarder]

How do people feel about adoption? I think I'd rather adopt then have kids of my own (I'm aware I'm a bloke and can't physically have kids but that's not what I mean).

if you're capable of having your own kids, why not? i believe that there are more people for who adoption is the only way to have a kid than there are kids available (at least in terms of domestic supply), so why deny a couple when you can have your own?

 

[frona]

I've never had actual hostility (yet) but I get plenty of "the clock is ticking" type comments and also people reacting with disbelief when I say I don't want kids. It doesn't bother me unduly, though it is nosy and strange of them. They (the disbelievees) seem to be more bothered about the whole thing than me.

 

[Space]

why do people think it's a cinch to adopt though? It's hugely difficult.

I dunno, I wasn't aware people thought like that. I'm aware of roughly how difficult it is.

I thought about it for years, but I came to the conlusion that what I would in fact be doing was buying a baby, and I didn't feel right about that.

I wouldn't look at it like that myself. I haven't looked into it properly at all. just going on other people's (sometimes second hand) experience. I'm a long way off having any kids as it is.

Magicbastarder, I've not looked at the supply/demand of kids (sounds horrible I know). When the time comes, if it even does, it's definitely something I would take into account.

 

[broken arm]

I wouldn't look at it like that myself. I haven't looked into it properly at all. just going on other people's (sometimes second hand) experience. I'm a long way off having any kids as it is.

i can tell you from indirect experience it is a long and emotionally draining experience - especially if you have been trying to have kids for years.

 

[billygannon]

I dunno, I wasn't aware people thought like that. I'm aware of roughly how difficult it is.



I wouldn't look at it like that myself. I haven't looked into it properly at all. just going on other people's (sometimes second hand) experience. I'm a long way off having any kids as it is.

Magicbastarder, I've not looked at the supply/demand of kids (sounds horrible I know). When the time comes, if it even does, it's definitely something I would take into account.

Do you see yourself as a kind of Pippa Fletcher-type person?

 

[Diddles]

!!!!

Er, that's not how it works.

Unless you're famous, obv.

I suppose what I mean is that you don't just go down to the local orphanage, express you're willingness and suitability to look after a parentless child, they check you out then go find one for you. If that was how things went I would have done it.

As Krystal says it's hugely difficult to adopt a child. Never mind the jumping through hoops with the adoption board etc, it's going to cost you around 30k. Most people have to adopt children from asia and eastern europe and it's a well established fact that in a lot of cases, there is money changing hands in a not very savoury fashion.

 

[Unicron]

I suppose what I mean is that you don't just go down to the local orphanage, express you're willingness and suitability to look after a parentless child, they check you out then go find one for you. If that was how things went I would have done it.

As Krystal says it's hugely difficult to adopt a child. Never mind the jumping through hoops with the adoption board etc, it's going to cost you around 30k. Most people have to adopt children from asia and eastern europe and it's a well established fact that in a lot of cases, there is money changing hands in a not very savoury fashion.

It's often more greasing the wheels re: bureaucrats then outright buying a baby. Like some dude will say, "I have your file here on my desk, but it may take me some time to get to it, maybe six months, there are many files to go through."

 

[SONYMEGADRIVE]

i can get you a baby

 

[Catwoman]

I suppose what I mean is that you don't just go down to the local orphanage, express you're willingness and suitability to look after a parentless child, they check you out then go find one for you. If that was how things went I would have done it.

As Krystal says it's hugely difficult to adopt a child. Never mind the jumping through hoops with the adoption board etc, it's going to cost you around 30k. Most people have to adopt children from asia and eastern europe and it's a well established fact that in a lot of cases, there is money changing hands in a not very savoury fashion.

30K? Where did you get that from? From what I gleaned from my parents it was a long, gut wrenching process, but not an expensive one. But that was the UK in the mid-seventies, so I guess things might have changed.

However, the second time they tried to adopt they were deemed 'too old'. They were in their late-thirties.

 

[Diddles]

30K? Where did you get that from? From what I gleaned from my parents it was a long, gut wrenching process, but not an expensive one. But that was the UK in the mid-seventies, so I guess things might have changed.

However, the second time they tried to adopt they were deemed 'too old'. They were in their late-thirties.

I've a friend who's a researcher in all things child related (I'm sure there's a better job description for her ) Things have changed drastically since the seventies. It's an expensive process nowadays.

 

[Unicron]

30K? Where did you get that from? From what I gleaned from my parents it was a long, gut wrenching process, but not an expensive one. But that was the UK in the mid-seventies, so I guess things might have changed.

However, the second time they tried to adopt they were deemed 'too old'. They were in their late-thirties.

The cut off here was an average age of 40 when my folks adopted my sister, my dad being younger just got them in under the limit. I wonder if that's still the case today what with many people not trying for kids till later -> learning that they can't have them later -> having to go through the lengthy process of being approved to adopt here and then in the country they want to adopt from (can't do it simultaniously for some reason). If you started the process when you were 35 I doubt you'd be cleared by 40.

My parents were approved and got me 3 weeks later. My mother's manager was a little taken a back when she said she was leaving as he assumed that as she wasn't showing it'd be at least 7 months. "Friday," she said. They were utterly unprepared for a baby as they were told it'd probably be a six month wait. My crib was a chest of drawers initially, they never said if they closed it when I cried.

 

[Catwoman]

I've a friend who's a researcher in all things child related (I'm sure there's a better job description for her ) Things have changed drastically since the seventies. It's an expensive process nowadays.

Christ. That's depressing. I'm sure a lot of people would make good parents but wouldn't necessarily have that amount of ready cash.