not having kids (1 Viewer)

[Squiggle]

Em, Jane, have you considered the possibility of refusing to engage in the discussion?

Why do we feel we need to talk to people, or explain ourselves to people who are being rude. Whether or not a couple have children is nobody's business but the couple's.

 

[jane]

Based on reality. Girls claiming they were never EVER going to have kids was pretty common when I was in college, it's not something you hear so often when you're in your mid-30s and the few never-EVER girls who I still know are now mothers. I do still know women in stable relationships who have no intention of having children (and some who are gone too old now, so the deal is sealed), but they are in the minority.

Oh, no, that's definitely the case that many women in their early 20s will change their minds, as I said in my original post. It's just that of the 20-year-olds who are 'never ever' types, it's impossible even for them to know if they are 'never evers' or if they really will change their minds later on. I've just always been fairly sure I wanted them, and it wasn't actually until my late 20s when I started to wonder if that was even true. I tend to think my own doubts about having kids are part of the natural process of becoming someone-who-may-or-may-not-become-ready-in-a-few-years. It's that even when women are 30-something, and can pretty safely say they're 'never evers', they still get that "It's just a phase" thing.

It's more that there's still a sense that women or couples who don't have kids are to be pitied or have not done what they were meant to.

 

[jane]

Em, Jane, have you considered the possibility of refusing to engage in the discussion?

Why do we feel we need to talk to people, or explain ourselves to people who are being rude. Whether or not a couple have children is nobody's business but the couple's.

Oh, I didn't. I just waited until he took a breath and passed the phone on. I wasn't having any of it.

 

[egg_]

It's more that there's still a sense that women or couples who don't have kids are to be pitied or have not done what they were meant to.

Perhaps it's because many parents see themselves having children as the best thing about their own lives, and they feel sorry for people who don't have them because they feel like those people are missing out on something amazing?

 

[jane]

Perhaps it's because many parents see themselves having children as the best thing about their own lives, and they feel sorry for people who don't have them because they feel like those people are missing out on something amazing?

I think Austria is an amazing place for a holiday, but I don't pity anyone who hasn't been there. I think doing an ultramarathon is a great thing for the right person to do, but I don't feel sorry for people who have no interest in running one. I think going to a women's liberal arts college was the best decision I ever made and changed my life forever, but I don't pity people who went to big universities.

Etc.

In other words, I'm sure parents think that it's the best thing ever, and the more I hear the "It's tough, but you wouldn't change it for the world" the more I realise it's doable and it's okay to think it's kinda scary.

But it's the pity element that I don't get. You can recommend it to someone without coming across as feeling sorry for them.

 

[La La]

Perhaps it's because many parents see themselves having children as the best thing about their own lives, and they feel sorry for people who don't have them because they feel like those people are missing out on something amazing?

hhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

having someone feel sorry for me cos i dont have a kid because they think missing out would really irk me imho.

but im getting the hell out of this thread right now.

 

[Pantone247]

I feel sorry for all you women cause you'll never pee standing up

how'd ya like them apples?

 

[jane]

I feel sorry for all you women cause you'll never pee standing up

how'd ya like them apples?

I'm confused is what. Does it hurt when you wee apples?

 

[snakybus]

Look, you basards better all have kids so you can join us in the pit of misery that is parenthood. I'm fucked if I'm gonna watch you all get proper sleeps while I have to get up!

 

[Pantone247]

I'm confused is what. Does it hurt when you wee apples?

My point is, it's all about pereception? I think it sucks you can't pee your name against a wall, and you probably wonder how I get through my life with out my own set of breats to look at wheneve I want... perception...

Let me put it another way

Person A with kids probably can't see how person B, without kids, sees only the costs and sacrafice and mundanity and stress of it all, while B won't get the fuzzy feel good that person A has... inbetween tantrums and puking and stuff... but person C, person C will never know that it's the rose in the fisted glove, as the eagle flys with the dove, and if you can't be with the one you love, why don't you love the one your with

 

[Unicron]

Based on reality. Girls claiming they were never EVER going to have kids was pretty common when I was in college, it's not something you hear so often when you're in your mid-30s and the few never-EVER girls who I still know are now mothers.

Maybe they got knocked up and thought they'd look foolish if they kept harping on about it.

 

[Squiggle]

Oh, I didn't. I just waited until he took a breath and passed the phone on. I wasn't having any of it.

But where did it come from? At some stage someone said something.

I think we all need to work on perfecting raised eyebrows, shocked expressions and gasps of horror for use when someone asks an impertinent question.

 

[broken arm]

what are the main reasons for not having kids?

physical?
economic?
environmental?


???

 

[Corey]

I've met a couple of eager as fuck parents who do this. I've no problem with parents being eager, but when they get so carried up in their own personal circumstances that they hold your own against you, they immiediatly become more opinionated and less informed.

Personally, yeah, kids are great. But ironically i know more parents who fell into it than those chose to have kids first. I'm one of them, and it automaticly excludes us from being entitled to dissapprove of anyone that actually has the good fucking sense to think their own personal decisions and standing points through first before going for them; rather than simply tripping up, gathering their shit, accomplishing somthing by ways of it and then lauding themselves by giving the impression that they knew what they were doing the whole time.


More Coffee Please.

 

[Catwoman]

I haven't had the pity yet. Just accusations of being 'selfish' (huh?), being told I have to have kids (the mother-in-law - yes, I don't have a choice apparently) and general 'you'll change your mind' type stuff. Maybe I will (I'm 33, so I doubt it) but either way, it's nobody's business.

It is profoundly irritating. Like telling a gay person 'it's just a phase!' or 'heterosexal sex is great! You're really missing out!'

 

[SONYMEGADRIVE]

why don't youse borrow a child for a while, try it out, see if you like it and then decide?

 

[jane]

But where did it come from? At some stage someone said something.

I think we all need to work on perfecting raised eyebrows, shocked expressions and gasps of horror for use when someone asks an impertinent question.

No, it came out of nowhere. Seriously.

 

[krystal]

I haven't had the pity yet. Just accusations of being 'selfish' (huh?), being told I have to have kids (the mother-in-law - yes, I don't have a choice apparently) and general 'you'll change your mind' type stuff. Maybe I will (I'm 33, so I doubt it) but either way, it's nobody's business.

It is profoundly irritating. Like telling a gay person 'it's just a phase!' or 'heterosexal sex is great! You're really missing out!'

It is very annoying. I know my own mind. I suppose it would be nice if my hormones kicked in and I did want a child, but they haven't. And as they haven't, I don't see why I should do something that I absolutely do not want to do, and which would make me very unhappy.

 

[jane]

I've met a couple of eager as fuck parents who do this. I've no problem with parents being eager, but when they get so carried up in their own personal circumstances that they hold your own against you, they immiediatly become more opinionated and less informed.

Personally, yeah, kids are great. But ironically i know more parents who fell into it than those chose to have kids first. I'm one of them, and it automaticly excludes us from being entitled to dissapprove of anyone that actually has the good fucking sense to think their own personal decisions and standing points through first before going for them; rather than simply tripping up, gathering their shit, accomplishing somthing by ways of it and then lauding themselves by giving the impression that they knew what they were doing the whole time.


More Coffee Please.

Here Corey, I make proper rocket fuel.

 

[frona]

what are the main reasons for not having kids?

physical?
economic?
environmental?


???

Not liking them. Having more important things to do.