not having kids (1 Viewer)

[Catwoman]

....orrrrrr maybe there are a couple of insensitive people out there, like in every country, and in every walk of life?

Yeah, in fairness it's not just Irish people who have been insensitive.

It is interesting though that my husband doesn't encounter any of this. Do fellas ever get the same kind of pressure I wonder?

 

[Pantone247]

well we have two women that say people have been insensetive and hostile. so unless they are lying maybe irish people are assholes and anachronisms, as vinnie pointed out.

maybe it's a little of column A and and a little of column B and a little of column C?

but I think it's abusrd to make out like you're some outcast from society because of it, get yourself put in a wheel chair, turn asian or african or go gay and see how insensitvie and hostile people can be

I wear glasses, someone once called four eyes, am I stigmatised??

 

[broken arm]

maybe it's a little of column A and and a little of column B and a little of column C?

but I think it's abusrd to make out like you're some outcast from society because of it, get yourself put in a wheel chair, turn asian or african or go gay and see how insensitvie and hostile people can be

I wear glasses, someone once called four eyes, am I stigmatised??

you wear glasses? should have known by the smell of ye.

 

[Pantone247]

Unsure if there is a stigma, if anything, it might be the opposite, there may be more of a stigma associated with having kids at a young age..a sort of 'you've nailed yerself to the mast now' kind of stigma. Like what Eddie Hobbes was spouting off about in a recent interview.

Of course people are always imagining that others have problems with their lifestyles, paranoia curses many people, and they perceive that people actually give a fuck about whether they've had kids or whatever, when in reality they don't give a flying fuck.

very true

 

[taubstumm]

whoever wrote 'the burren' as a tag deserves some rep

 

[broken arm]

Do fellas ever get the same kind of pressure I wonder?

none at all.

My original reason for asking was actually to understand the pressures, over and above personal, on someone that cannot have a baby. I know there are social pressures/norms/expectations bearing down - which have made a difficult situation worse.

 

[krystal]

maybe it's a little of column A and and a little of column B and a little of column C?

but I think it's abusrd to make out like you're some outcast from society because of it, get yourself put in a wheel chair, turn asian or african or go gay and see how insensitvie and hostile people can be

I wear glasses, someone once called four eyes, am I stigmatised??

ah fiachra, don't be so flippant. it is a fact, and several early to mid 30's women are SAYING it, on this thread, that they've been made to feel accountable for the fact they haven't reproduced. It makes me feel like fucking well bursting into tears because the inference is always, 'what's the matter with you that you don't want them'. I don't know why, all I know is I don't. And I certainly DO NOT ask intrusive and nosy questions of people with children why they did want to procreate.

 

[snakybus]

I wear glasses, someone once called four eyes, am I stigmatised??

that's called astigmatism, specky

 

[Froog]

whoever wrote 'the burren' as a tag deserves some rep

guilty.

 

[snakybus]

Yeah, in fairness it's not just Irish people who have been insensitive.

It is interesting though that my husband doesn't encounter any of this. Do fellas ever get the same kind of pressure I wonder?

Of course I can't speak for everone but I have never, ever encountered pressure like this (I'm male, just in case it wasn't apparent). Of course, this might be because most people take one look at me and think "Oh my, let's not encourage those genes to be passed on."

 

[Squiggle]

Of course people are always imagining that others have problems with their lifestyles, paranoia curses many people, and they perceive that people actually give a fuck about whether they've had kids or whatever, when in reality they don't give a flying fuck.

I think it is fair to say that you are not a childless, loved-up woman in her early to mid thirties though (or even mid 20's, as was my experience).

The word stigma is too strong. I don't think that there are very many things that society as a whole feels that strongly about any more.

 

[Wilbert]

that's called astigmatism, specky

I rarely give you any applause for your "jokes", Mike, but this is solid gold!

 

[Buzzo]

maybe it's a little of column A and and a little of column B and a little of column C?

but I think it's abusrd to make out like you're some outcast from society because of it, get yourself put in a wheel chair, turn asian or african or go gay and see how insensitvie and hostile people can be

I wear glasses, someone once called four eyes, am I stigmatised??

C'mon, can't we ALL be stigmatised?

Srsy buh, I think saying someone isn't stigmatised or treated unfairly because someone else has it worse is generally pointless, and can really undermine the feelings of people who've had negative experiences or reactions because of their reproductive choices.

People really can be hostile, possibly without even meaning to, if you tell them that you don't have an approximate time frame for marriage and kids, or that they may not feature at all in your life. Not too long ago, it was kind of the only thing women were 'for', so for many people, you're mental and no longer have a raison d'etre if you're not gonna do it. I'm sure men elicit a similar reaction but possibly less judgemental. It may not be conscious, but it's culturally ingrained-people grow up and become parents- and you're dysfunctional if you don't. This manifests in the way they respond to you and it can hurt and make you feel like an oddball, if only momentarily (not like the Elephant Man. HE felt like an oddball falife).

Whether 'stigma' is too strong a word or not, your family status really can affect your quality of life both in the way the majority of people percieve you and treat you, and in the way this affects your civil, social and economic rights. I think all this should be considered in the context of a culture that denies non-traditional families equal rights, denies women reproductive rights and fails to provide adequate childcare support for working parents. No fucking surprise that having kids is an unattractive option to so many people.

People who aren't NORMAL are WEIRD guys.

 

[Lolo]

10 years?

Yup, if we'd accidentally conceived with our first shag, the resulting sprog would now be 10. Scary.

I don't think there's a huge stigma about not having kids per se, but there's definitely a common presumption that a woman's career is the only, or main, reason she hasn't had any. Which is often very far from the truth.

Re. the stigma on having kids too young though, I think it's very strange the way our society has imposed a stigma on teenage pregnancies. As human beings, we're designed better for having kids earlier rather than later. Women's bodies definitely spring back into shape quicker, and people have more energy to run around after their offspring.

And all my friends who had kids in their teens now have teenaged kids themselves, and are now all going back to work/ college etc. in their thirties and loving it.

 

[cephalopod]

I think it is fair to say that you are not a childless, loved-up woman in her early to mid thirties though (or even mid 20's, as was my experience).

The word stigma is too strong. I don't think that there are very many things that society as a whole feels that strongly about any more.

Anyone know if they are selling wombs on ebay? I need one before I can further engage meaningfully in this thread!

 

[krystal]

Yup, if we'd accidentally conceived with our first shag, the resulting sprog would now be 10. Scary.

I don't think there's a huge stigma about not having kids per se, but there's definitely a common presumption that a woman's career is the only, or main, reason she hasn't had any. Which is often very far from the truth.

.

absolutely, work comes way down on my reasons for not wanting children, in fact it doesn't figure because it's not even like I'm conflicted - it's just never ever been something I've seriously considered because it's just not something I'm remotely interested in. I bet my hormones snare me in about 2 years and I go baby-mad now.

 

[Diddles]

I've been asked many times, mostly by relations, whether we were ever going to have kids, and only once have I been annoyed by that question. It's something people ask, that's all and it's never been pursued when I said 'maybe' or 'meh' or 'no, never' .

The one time I was pissed off, it was my brother's ex who asked me over the phone, and she did it as some kind of pathetic attempt to get one up on me because she'd fuck all else to throw at me. Ah yes, you've five kids by five different fathers, I'm very fucking jealous altogether.

 

[snakybus]

COnsidering that the world is overpopulating, I suppose not having kids -- or having fewer kids than people in the past have had -- might be viewed as a responsible decision. Otherwise we'll have to cull ourselves like lemmings: e.g.: cull

 

[Space]

How do people feel about adoption? I think I'd rather adopt then have kids of my own (I'm aware I'm a bloke and can't physically have kids but that's not what I mean).

 

[maims bond]

if Janer was here he'd say that people who don't want babies are just selfish and self-absorbed, and ye'd all have a good go at him. ah...good times.