dump (1 Viewer)

[rumpus]

Ah, a real lady. The human turd is so recognisable as human. You'd like to explain some outdoor turds away...but you can't...they just have that should-be-in-water naked human shit thing going on...

 

[Stuart Little]

Missing

I have a question.

I heard it being asked first whilst eavesdropping on a stranger's conversation somewhere in the City Centre, and to my surprise, have since encountered the subject being broached on several occcasions.

To wit:
Where have all the dry, white, powdery, flakey poos gone?
As a minor I recall these street decorations as being frequently underfoot and a regular sight in my childhood travels about the environs of my family home.
There's one on the corner. There's one at the end of the driveway, and so forth.
These harmless devils were of little concern, a brisk brushing usually being sufficient to restore to presentability your sunday bests.

Nowadays, however they are nowhere to be found. Surely this is the mark of a canine conspiricy, as humankind is no more inclined toward clearing up after their four-legged best friends than they were 15 years ago.
Where can they be?
If they ceased 'production', how can this be explained?

If we work together we may just get to the bottom of this.
Strength in Unity. Clarity in Truth.

 

[Hector Grey]

hummm, a relevant question. allow me to posit thus:
powdery white shites, i remember them allright, are old bog shites hardened by the sun, say. now, back when we were childers was teh eighties, at a guess, and that was before the invention of tourism and sick babies. my conclusion is... shite doesn't get to stay on the ground as long as it used to in CJH's day. make of that what you will...

 

[Lolo]

Missing

Stuart Little (01 Feb, 2002 02:50 p.m.):
I have a question.

To wit:
Where have all the dry, white, powdery, flakey poos gone?

I believe the conspiracy is not on the part of the innocent canines, but the dogfood manufacturing industry. Does anyone still feed their dogs Winalot? I seem to remember enormous bags of it being bought by friends Mas for their furry friends in the Era of the White Powdery Dog Poo, but now nobody I know who owns a dog buys it, it's all tinned food. Any dog owners out there like to clarify?

 

[Pantone247]

Missing

Stweart my little feces fanatic

while not sure on the exact destails I believe the down turn in dog poo is directly linked to improved standards in dog food

you see the whiteness was a result of God knows what that they saw fit to feed our pooches in the late 70's + 80's

as we entered the caring 90's they stopped putting dubious poo whitening substances in and put something slightly more nutrious and proberbly "legal"

as I said I'm not well up on my doggy biology and social history, but I believe to be something along those lines

any more questions, don't hesitate to contact me

Regards

Pantone 247

 

[#10-7]

dog food now contains so much dye and additives that shit cannot be white anymore.
it is, alas, a distant memory in ireland and britan, however, on the continent white poo is a familiar and welcome sight, frequently on the flags of provences and cities as a mark or respect. in fact a piece of dry white poo is the patron saint of albania.

 

[Hector Grey]

i suspect a poo patrol conspiracy theory. there's just not as much as there used to be... blame albert reynolds.

 

[snakybus]

I knew this lad who lived in this house next door to a farmer. His field out the back kind of intersected the farmer's land, and early every morning without exception he'd saw the farmer walking across this field with his dog to get from his house to one of his (the farmer's) fields, and then walking back a few minutes later.

He was kind of pissed off that the farmer was using his field as a thoroughfare, plus he was curious, so he decided to follow him one morning. He waited till the farmer and the dog had climbed the wall, and then he went and looked over the wall and saw yer man squatting, having a good old boiler brown for himself.

So, rather than embarassing the old fella, he chucked a sod of turf over the wall just to let him know that he was there so he could confront him face to face (as opposed to face to arse cheek). Next thing he hears a yelp, and thinks "Oh no, I hit the dog".

But he hadn't. They obviously hadn't even noticed it.

He was about to go and apologise when he hears the farmer shouting at the dog "How many times have I told you to wait for it to cool down!"

 

[Anne OMalley]

I blame immigration:

Black turd + black turd -> brown poo-poo.

Black turd + white turd -> brown poo-poo.

White turn + black turd -> brown poo-poo.

Hector Grey (01 Feb, 2002 03:15 p.m.):
i suspect a poo patrol conspiracy theory. there's just not as much as there used to be... blame albert reynolds.

 

[Florian Fricked]

I heard someone say it had to do with the amount of calcium in the dog food. Calcium's white, right? White rhymes with shite.
Did you realise that those turds were flammible? I was told they were. Here's a trick should you come across one ever again, and find yourself, say 15 years of age again.

Get white turd in bag somehow.
Deposit turd on nasty neighbour's doorstep.
Ignite turd.
Run.

The neighbour (preferably the one who refused to return your football) comes out of his gaff, sees fire and thinks "fire!".
Neighbour extinguishes fire with sole of shoe.

 

[#10-7]

well mr noonan thats not going to get you any votes...

 

[Anne OMalley]

I have a lot of experience with shit and I'm here to tell you that the business of flammability in relation to white turds is a falsehood.

In addition, what happens when you tread on a white turd? Well, as I think our colleague Stuart was implying it certainly doesn't stick to your shoe, that's for sure. No. What happens is the turd bursts into a grey cloud of shit.

A grey cloud of shit. Just like the Irish weather. Which explains a lot.

Florian Fricked (01 Feb, 2002 03:47 p.m.):
I heard someone say it had to do with the amount of calcium in the dog food. Calcium's white, right? White rhymes with shite.
Did you realise that those turds were flammible? I was told they were. Here's a trick should you come across one ever again, and find yourself, say 15 years of age again.

Get white turd in bag somehow.
Deposit turd on nasty neighbour's doorstep.
Ignite turd.
Run.

The neighbour (preferably the one who refused to return your football) comes out of his gaff, sees fire and thinks "fire!".
Neighbour extinguishes fire with sole of shoe.

 

[Florian Fricked]

What happens when you step on a white turd at room temperature and what heppens when you step on a bubbling hot white turd are two different matters, I can assure you Anne. Well, I could assure you if I knew myself, but you wouldn't bvelieve what I'm imagining would happen. The turd acquires a far more treacle-like consistency when heat is applied. I reckon.

 

[Anne OMalley]

For anyone interested, there have been a few developments in relation to Smell.

15.15: Sausage Man and “Paul” are seen leaving the building together at a brisk pace. For the good of the community, a stealthy employee agrees to trail them. Shortly before departing on her mission, she is offered stock options.

15.16: Sausage Man and “Paul” pause briefly in front of the Kilkenny Design. There is a conversation in which two subjects arise: one is football. The other is, more worryingly, the origins of tweed.

15.18: Sausage Man and “Paul” are seen to enter the Alliance Francaise on Kildare Street. Some level of involvement by the French is suspected.

Smell, and also plot, thicken…

 

[Stuart Little]

the other kind

Let us not fall out over such trivial details.
There may (or may not) be an element of confusion arising from the existence of another of nature's backdoor wonders:

The crusty exterior/gooey interior specimen.
The original wolf in sheeps clothing, this character can mar your afternoon like no other. Avoid at all costs, or, should you decide to approach, my advice to you is to equip yourself with a light poking stick of medium length.

Caution is key here, fellows.

 

[nlgbbbblth]

I know I posted this one before but......

What about the "craze" in UCD in the early 1990s for people going for a crap, wiping themselves clean - but NOT detaching the toilet paper but instead rolling it back up - and the paper was in a round plastic container so you literally couldn't see the condition of the roll before you pulled.

 

[silo]

for those of you who have not had the pleasure of working outdoors...

outdoor work (say, oh, i dunno, archaeology) involves portaloos.

archaeology is not regulated in the shitting department in the way that construction is: they get permanent loos that are demolished at the end of the building project. we get portaloos.

outdoor work also, at times, involves high winds.

coming back after christmas two of the portaloos were flat out on the ground, one in the truly horrific door-facing-the-ground position. luckily, it being christmas, there was no-one around or in the loos when they went over.

the weather, you may have noticed, has worsened considerably over the past few days.

it's only a matter of time...

and on a related note, we have a man who comes every week with a machine on the back of a truck for sucking all the shit out of the portaloos. there are only two companies in ireland that do this at the moment (opportunity knocks, entrepreneurs...) and they are both shit (no pun intended) at it. one of them is a one-man operation run by a guy who sometimes brings his girlfriend along with him to work. mmm... romantic.

and you people have the cheek to complain about smells (or, in some cases, the personalised 'Smell') in your non-falley-overy loos.

for shame. for shame.

 

[nlgbbbblth]

Does anyone remember the portaloos being manually pushed over by a group of blokes at Feile 92??

There was a girl inside one of them whose festival was ruined.

 

[billygannon]

Ah!....tales of poop...shite....or as I referred to it as a boy: "Knux" (what a great word!).
I distinctly remember coming across hairy dog poo....and one that was a sort of luminous green. But the hairy dog poo was a regular thing....

And have you ever seen a grown horse doing a full, oats-inspired excrement? Gadzooks.....it was the size of a small child....

 

[nj]

heres the thing,
i rarely see daylight i sleep so much BUT im after absolutely stinking myself out of the sheets with rancid Guinness mutterings.
Not knowing what to do at this time of day i logged on to the nit (no pun intended) and saw this thread.. brilliant but i now have to leave the dining room cos im still at it,gawd there stinky. i've had two dumps already...any advice?