Has anyone got any good jokes? (1 Viewer)

[Tubby Tucker]

Like... what's brown and sticky?

A stick

What's blue and sticky?


Smurf cum.

 

[lympog]

What's blue and sticky?


Smurf cum.

not a joke per se, but very funny nonetheless (cheers for this rachel)

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!ninjaaaa
- leigh

 

[cpr]

don't thank me...thank muffin..she brought it to my attention yesterday and ive been laughin ever since

 

[muffin]

ah here lads yiz are robbing my best material..

 

[evil bandit]

Two fish were in a tank, one turned to the other and asked can you drive this

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How do you know your sister is having her period?

You can taste blood on your dads cock.

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Did you hear about the two robbers who stole a calender?
They got 6 months each

 

[Spam Javelin]

What's the fastest thing on land?

Stevie Wonder's speedboat.




What the No.1 cause of paedophilia?

Sexy kids




I went to the docters the other day and she told me I had to stop wanking...

..why? I asked...

because I'm trying to examine you.




A horse walks into a bar...

... barman asks - "Why the long face?"

"I have aids"

 

[Tubby Tucker]

What's the definition of endless love?


Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder playing tennis.

 

[paul-]

not a joke per se, but very funny nonetheless (cheers for this rachel)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Izet8zN1vmE
!ninjaaaa
- leigh

On a similair note...

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[RSJ]

On a similair note...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=imUPH9sENwA

I still reckon that's a fake.

 

[Jerry Twig]

not a joke per se, but very funny nonetheless (cheers for this rachel)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Izet8zN1vmE
!ninjaaaa
- leigh

gold!

 

[Corey]

That was featured one of those top 100 list shows a while back. It really, really,really happened. For real. Roy walker was even talking about it. Really.

I'm not lying you know.

 

[RSJ]

That was featured one of those top 100 list shows a while back. It really, really,really happened. For real. Roy walker was even talking about it. Really.

I'm not lying you know.

actually it is fake cause the rules of countdown clearly state that a contestant has to use at LEAST 3 VOWELS...look it up on the internet or watch countdown.

Well, what d'you've t'say bout da!

 

[Jerry Twig]

...never mind...

 

[Corey]

Well, what d'you've t'say bout da!

I'd say countdown.










To murder.

 

[Vinnie]

I've posted these before but they're great so what the hell

Saul is working in his store when he hears a booming voice from above: "Saul, sell your business." He ignores it. It goes on for days. "Saul, sell your business for $3 million." After weeks of this, he relents, sells his store. The voice says ‘Saul, go to Las Vegas." He asks why. "Saul, take the $3 million to Las Vegas." He obeys, goes to a casino. Voice says, "Saul , go to the blackjack table and put it down all on one hand." He hesitates but knows he must. He’s dealt an 18. The dealer has a six showing. "Saul, take a card." What? The dealer has -- "Take a card!" He tells the dealer to hit him. Saul gets an ace. Nineteen. He breathes easy. "Saul, take another card." What? "TAKE ANOTHER CARD!" He asks for another card. It’s another ace. He has twenty. "Saul, take another card," the voice commands. I have twenty! Saul shouts. "TAKE ANOTHER CARD!!" booms the voice. Hit me,Saul says. He gets another ace. Twenty one. The booming voice goes: "un-fucking-believable!"



A guy enters bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, "Here’s a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks." The crowd agrees. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth. Gator closes mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks. Then he says: "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It's a woman. "I'll give it a try," she says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."

 

[stephenoblunt]

Two men walk into a bar. The third man ducks.

 

[cherrydipper]

Three men are in a bath together.
Two of them start feeling Happy.
Happy gets out.

 

[Deleted member 3435]

ive got a couple of bad jokes

what do you call a man with a rubber toe?

roberto

(an old classic) did you hear about the magic tractor?

it turned into a field

Yeah I heard about that. Yer man that owned it won a farming award that year. He was out standing in his field.

Tragic though, he died two weeks after accepting it. There was a huge turnip at his funeral.

 

[Corey]

What do call Christy Brown in a silk bath robe?

a Luxury Spa.

 

[Jerry Twig]

What do you call a man with no hands?

Shitty arse.