Has anyone got any good jokes? (1 Viewer)

[Tubby Tucker]

One DJ turns to another and says "do you fancy going to the cinema tonight?"
The other one responds "I dunno. Who's the projectionist?"

 

[Scientician 0.8]

Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

 

[Umfufu]

Cuntflaps might be fake but this one is real.

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[Froog]

why did the plane crash?

cause the pilot was a loaf of bread.

 

[Froog]

termite walks into a bar and says "is the bar tender here?"

 

[Froog]

dyslexic man walks into a bra.

 

[sugar_referee]

Difference between a lettuce and a Filipino Hooker?

I don't have a head of lettuce in the fridge.

 

[quackster]

Two monkeys in a bath.

First monkey says 'Ooh-ooh! Aah-aah!'

2nd monkey says 'Well put some fucking cold in then'

 

[Diddles]

What's plastic and hangs out of cathedrals?

The Lunchpack of Notre Dame.

 

[Thebeard]

Two sausages in a pan.
One of them says 'Jeez it's hot in here'
The other one screams 'Aggghhhhh a talking sausage'

 

[Jerry Twig]

Two Sausages on a frying pan.
One says to the other: "Hot in here, isnt it?"
Other sausage says: "Holy Shit! A talking sausage!!"

Two sausages in a pan.
One of them says 'Jeez it's hot in here'
The other one screams 'Aggghhhhh a talking sausage'

Spot the differences.....

 

[Thebeard]

Spot the differences.....

Mine is better

 

[Diddles]

Why don't the French have two eggs for breakfast?

Because one egg is un oeuf.

 

[Froog]

what's red and invisible?

no tomatoes.

 

[jimmybreeze]

Whats a wombat for?

Playing wom.

 

[Jerry Twig]

Whats red and not there?

No tomatoes.

what's red and invisible?

no tomatoes.

which of these is better?

 

[Froog]

Spot the differences.....

which of these is better?

which of these is less annoying?

 

[Thebeard]

Two cows in a field.
One cow goes 'Mooooo'
Tho other one says 'Hey, I was going to say that!'

 

[Jerry Twig]

which of these is less annoying?

Morg, obviously

 

[quackster]

What's black, smokes, and sits at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking after a house fire.