smacking (1 Viewer)

[TrueLoveWaits]

Nope, but my sister carried the child round to my Mum, asked her to mind her and went back to "have words" with her hubby. I'd say he got a bolloking.

I should hope so.

It's totally a personal choice and I agree that a controlled smack as a result of a warning against bad behaviour may not be the worst thing in the world but I just feel very uncomfortable about using violence of any form as a method of discipline. But hey, I don't have kids, I don't know what it is like to have to pull out a last resort.

To sort of illustrate the point of smacking sending out a bad message to kids (in a funny way), you know the way if a kid bumps into a table or something and hurts themselves you might sometimes slap the table, you know, "bold table for hurting johnny", that kind of thing? Well my mum used to do that with my nephew sometimes until one day, he tripped over his mother's feet and fell and hurt himself and in the middle of the tears picked himself up, turned around to my sister, hit her on the leg and said "bold mama"...funny as it was, we haven't done it since!

 

[sweetoblivion]

i used to get a few slaps with a wooden spoon when I was a kid, as far as I remember. but it was pretty rarely. But still, i did get slapped. I wouldn't do it to my own children but when parents are frustrated sometimes they do things they wouldn't normally do. That said, I would hope I still wouldn't do it. I'm a total pacifist and can't stand violence of any kind so I cannot imagine inflicting it on my own children.
I read an horrific article during the week about a guy who badly injured his four week old son - it's mind boggling how complete monsters like that exist.

 

[Catwoman]

Youse could all learn from this not-at-all-insane woman.

 

[snakybus]

Youse could all learn from this not-at-all-insane woman.

hahaha:

I would sit with him on my lap with our correction rod in one hand. I would point to the TV and say, "Church! Shhh! Pastor! You sit." If he wiggled or fussed, I would immediately say "No! No fuss! Church, and then give a little sting with the rod. I would then say, "You listen to Pastor. Shh!"

 

[egg_]

Last comment says "You are obviously batshit crazy"
Hahaha. Was it one of ye?

 

[snotrag]

hmmm intresting points brought up by people. good didapline ways as well. praise good not point out bad ahhh if life was only that simple perhaps it works for some kids. it says on the tv it does so it must... hmmm.
when i said baby i did not mean a newborn or one that has just left hospital, i meant of a reasonable age but still a baby "or junior kid" again i dont know what age that is as i dont have a kid. but a practicall age when just before they know right from wrong now i had reservations saying that as you would only know that if you were a parent yourself when that age is reached.
also i was talking about a controlled smack im not one for hitting people who are weaker then me as that just shows your stronger "whoopeee" but a controlled smack yes. or spanking if you will. if i got angry it would be out of the question. NO EXCUSES. once you have a good excuse the bad ones are lining up behind it. so no excuses. i would try other methods first, see what would work, but as i said it would be in extreme circumstances and its not they would know who is boss they would know they are wrong.

 

[egg_]

praise good not point out bad ahhh if life was only that simple perhaps it works for some kids. it says on the tv it does so it must... hmmm

The philosophy behind it is kids are constantly seeking attention, and if they get more attention from being bad than from being good then they'll be bad (even if that attention hurts). It's actually damn hard to do, and I expect it's even harder as a child gets older

It's funny to hear you talk about right and wrong. When do kids start to do things that are "wrong"? Mostly you're just dealing with someone who wants to smear spud on her face, or splash water on the floor, or open her Mam's letters, or wallow in the muck in her clean dress - none of which are "wrong", they're just a pain in the arse for the parents

 

[Wilbert]

I do, pinkoes!

It's one thing with your kids but not the rest of us in the band.
It wasn't right that you put Brian over your knee in practice the other night when he got that drum fill wrong.
Wasn't right at all.

 

[Johnnyc]

Whats the deal with you hitting students, Wilbert? I seem to remember being told you were allowed to wig out just the once and deck someone but not get sacked...

 

[avernus]

Whats the deal with you hitting students, Wilbert? I seem to remember being told you were allowed to wig out just the once and deck someone but not get sacked...

all teachers have that card. play it once, fine. play it twice, you're in jail.

 

[Pat Pockets]

Mostly you're just dealing with someone who wants to smear spud on her face, or splash water on the floor, or open her Mam's letters, or wallow in the muck in her clean dress - none of which are "wrong", they're just a pain in the arse for the parents

Very good point.

 

[snakybus]

It's one thing with your kids but not the rest of us in the band.
It wasn't right that you put Brian over your knee in practice the other night when he got that drum fill wrong.
Wasn't right at all.

He deserved it. You all deserve it!

 

[Squiggle]

He deserved it. You all deserve it!

An attitude like that will see you trawling the musicians wanted/available threads pretty soon I would imagine.

 

[snakybus]

An attitude like that will see you trawling the musicians wanted/available threads pretty soon I would imagine.

Wanted: Musicians into prog-folk, and spanking. Experience not necessary. No time wasters please. Or people with bony arses.

 

[snotrag]

It's funny to hear you talk about right and wrong. When do kids start to do things that are "wrong"? Mostly you're just dealing with someone who wants to smear spud on her face, or splash water on the floor, or open her Mam's letters, or wallow in the muck in her clean dress - none of which are "wrong", they're just a pain in the arse for the parents

thats why i had reservations about saying it, as i said. i cant define wrong. which i find a pity and your right in what you say. im not a parent. i cant argue. hmmm
perhaps i just dont want a little fecker of a kid which i see every day where a controlled smack on the bottom would do him the world of good, where you see the parents getting into arguments or putting the kid down (esteem wise) or ignoring them etc where reasonable argument just wont work or praising him or anything.
perhaps thats got from a general bad parenting. and i did say only a smack in extreme circumstances, i dont know how to define that either.
hmmmm intresting

 

[aoboa]

A couple of questions:
1. If slapping is wrong and traumatises kids and teaches them that violence is the way to solve problems then why aren't we and our parents and their parents etc all traumatised violent people?
2. Since it was decided that slapping is wrong do kids have more or less respect for adults?

For the record, I was slapped as a kid and I'm not at all violent and wasn't traumatised by it.

 

[snakybus]

Soemthing that might go hand in hand with this is the amount of time parents spend with their kids. When a kid is in a creche all day long, and both parents are away from him/her, and then on the weekend they're going to visit relatives, grandparents etc, the amount of time actually spent with the child is eroded. You might say what right (in any culture or time) does a semi-absentee parent have to slap a child, or to discipline a child in any way for that matter. And maybe you'd be right. If you slap a child (and I'm talking about a discipline slap here, obviously, not a clatter), it should be with the knowledge and the confidence that they know you love them, regardless of the slap. And the parent and the kid will be less confident of this if the parent isn't around much.

Does the attitude that it's not right to slap have anything to do with the fact that people spend far less time with their kids nowadays? Could do, hard to say.

 

[snakybus]

By the way, that's not a dig at any of the parents here who are anti-slapping. I'm sure you spend loads of time with the wains!

 

[Pantone247]

When a kid is in a creche all day long, and both parents are away from him/her, and then on the weekend they're going to visit relatives, grandparents etc, the amount of time actually spent with the child is eroded. You might say what right (in any culture or time) does a semi-absentee parent have to slap a child, or to discipline a child in any way for that matter.

I think you're almost right and but I disagree with your last sentance there, kids know who their parents our irregardless of the time spent around them. It's the bond you form and I don't think it can be quantified something as simple as hours spent with child

But like I said I agree that peoples busy lifestyles could be affecting discilpline from the point of view that if you don't see your child all the workiing week when you do get some time with them you want it to be fun and nice and pleasant, so it can be easy to "not go there" with the discipline or waste time sulking and sitting on bold steps or in this case slapping. You want your kids to have happy memorys of your time together like

 

[egg_]

For the record, I was slapped as a kid and I'm not at all violent and wasn't traumatised by it.

I would say it's pretty much impossible to isolate any one part of your personality and say that it was influenced this way or that way by stuff that happened in your childhood, unless you've some serious personality disorder or you suffered some serious trauma as a kid. People are just too complicated and life is too long. I was slapped a bit as a kid and I'm as nice a fella as you'll ever meet, though by mainstream standards I'm a bit odd - maybe if I hadn't been slapped but everything else about my childhood was the same I'd be more normal and less nice. Who the fuck knows? All you can do when you're raising a child is take your best guess