smacking (2 Viewers)

[Squiggle]

Just to continue on these theme a bit. I'm gonna cite an example of slapping/smacking I had described by my dad last time I was home. He's a photographer so he takes pictures of kids quite regularly and is also fundamentally against slapping.

So anyway he has this kid in for a portrait and the kids a bit cranky and hence not behaving themselves so the father says to the kid to behave and smile for the camera or the kid'll get a smack. My dad immediately pulled him up on it and quite bluntly told him that under no circumstances was the father to hit that child under his roof.

So get to my point. The kid had a fair warning, the father was calm and collected and obviously the right thing to do was for the kid to behave. Taking this into account, how is it ok for the father to slap the child?

Well, for a start, my parents would never have warned us that we were going to get a smack in front of people. That would have been humiliating for us. In a situation like that Dad would have taken me to one side, said "please sit still and smile for the camera", given me another chance and if I was still misbehaving taken me aside again "if you don't sit and behave I will spank you when we get home" and I knew that it was behave or he would follow through and I would get spanked when I got home.

 

[Squiggle]

I honestly don't know whether I will consider disciplining any children I have physically or not. Some children respond very well to time outs or having their favourite toy taken away or whatever and others don't.

My brother and I didn't care about toys, I'd have been only too happy to be sent to my room to read or daydream, chores were things we did anyway, we only got our pocket money once a year when we went on holiday (and it was earned from doing chores so unless we hadn't done them it couldn't be witheld honestly). We weren't even that concerned about being spanked, given the number of times we decided that the pleasure would outweigh the eventual punishment and went ahead anyway.

 

[snakybus]

To my mind there is a big difference between slapping a child and a controlled non-angry smack on the arse.

I associate slapping with those mothers and fathers (mostly mothers from what I've seen though) who lash out and hit a child on the face, arm, leg or whatever with little or no warning and as a form of anger release for them rather than a disciplining action.

Smacking a child, after fair warning and when calm and collected, having explained to them why, teaches them that doing something wrong has a consequence and consequences can hurt... not a bad life lesson in my opinion.

yeah I'm talking about an auld slap to set things straight, not beating the child

the reason it's mostly mothers you'd see, I reckon is the people who are out and about during the day, minding kids on their own, are mostly women. Not many stay-at-home dads in this country.

I think the "a smack-tells-the-child-violence-is-okay" theory is simply not true.

I'm gonna bring Corey home to scare the kids.

 

[Squiggle]

yeah I'm talking about an auld slap to set things straight, not beating the child

the reason it's mostly mothers you'd see, I reckon is the people who are out and about during the day, minding kids on their own, are mostly women. Not many stay-at-home dads in this country.

I think the "a smack-tells-the-child-violence-is-okay" theory is simply not true.

I'm gonna bring Corey home to scare the kids.

He'd be great at it. Did you guys see the pic of him posted by ICUH8N? That would scare me

 

[Space]

Well, for a start, my parents would never have warned us that we were going to get a smack in front of people. That would have been humiliating for us. In a situation like that Dad would have taken me to one side, said "please sit still and smile for the camera", given me another chance and if I was still misbehaving taken me aside again "if you don't sit and behave I will spank you when we get home" and I knew that it was behave or he would follow through and I would get spanked when I got home.

Leaving aside whether the warning was in front of anyone or not I still can't see any justifiable reason for smacking the kid.

You take a kid into a strange building, point lights and a big camera at them the chances are they're gonna get upset. Sure loads of adults feel the same way but they can express their dislike for it alot better than a kid.

 

[snakybus]

chores were things we did anyway

are you in this family Squiggle?

 

[Squiggle]

Yeah, it was a bit like that, except we did have shoes, but we didn't like wearing them - and there were 3 less of us.

are you in this family Squiggle?

 

[Squiggle]

Leaving aside whether the warning was in front of anyone or not I still can't see any justifiable reason for smacking the kid.

You take a kid into a strange building, point lights and a big camera at them the chances are they're gonna get upset. Sure loads of adults feel the same way but they can express their dislike for it alot better than a kid.

You are making it a bit different now. Was the child scared and not sure what was going on or just acting up. Those are two very different scenarios. No reasonable parent would punish a child for being genuinely afraid or upset. However, no reasonable parent would put a child in that situation without explaining what was going to happen and making it something the child would be looking forward to.

 

[egg_]

Some children respond very well to time outs or having their favourite toy taken away or whatever and others don't.

In the child-rearing books is generally agreed that most effective behaviour modification technique is praising good behaviour and ignoring bad. Not always easy - though I very rarely get annoyed at egg_ jr. these days, I don't see enough of her since I started my dayjob

 

[snakybus]

You are making it a bit different now. Was the child scared and not sure what was going on or just acting up. Those are two very different scenarios. No reasonable parent would punish a child for being genuinely afraid or upset. However, no reasonable parent would put a child in that situation without explaining what was going to happen and making it something the child would be looking forward to.

either way the dad sounds like a cunt

 

[Space]

You are making it a bit different now. Was the child scared and not sure what was going on or just acting up. Those are two very different scenarios. No reasonable parent would punish a child for being genuinely afraid or upset. However, no reasonable parent would put a child in that situation without explaining what was going to happen and making it something the child would be looking forward to.

I don't know but I don't think it makes any difference to be honest. Say they're just acting up, the chances for this happening are most likely to do with the strange environment.

 

[Squiggle]

In the child-rearing books is generally agreed that most effective behaviour modification technique is praising good behaviour and ignoring bad. Not always easy - though I very rarely get annoyed at egg_ jr. these days, I don't see enough of her since I started my dayjob

Yes, I've read that too, but it definitely doesn't work with my niece, as my sister is rapidly learning. Ignoring bad has merely resulted in the destruction of most of my sister's jewellery, 2 mobile phones, 3 remote controls, too many plates, bowls and glasses to even think about and more food on the floor than goes into her stomach. On the other hand, a stern "no" from my Dad works wonders.

 

[Squiggle]

either way the dad sounds like a cunt

The dad in that scenario described by Moose? Definitely.

 

[snakybus]

Yes, I've read that too, but it definitely doesn't work with my niece, as my sister is rapidly learning. Ignoring bad has merely resulted in the destruction of most of my sister's jewellery, 2 mobile phones, 3 remote controls, too many plates, bowls and glasses to even think about and more food on the floor than goes into her stomach. On the other hand, a stern "no" from my Dad works wonders.

does your niece have a dad around?

 

[Squiggle]

does your niece have a dad around?

My sis is married but her husband works shifts in Intel and when he's home he plays Everquest or sleeps. He really doesn't spend enough time with either my sister or his daughter.

The funniest story ever was a few weeks back when he picked the child up and refused to let her go when she asked to be put down... so she head-butted him in the face. Unfortunately, being the jerk that he is, he slapped her in retalliation.

 

[snakybus]

oh, my

sounds quite a catch

 

[Squiggle]

oh, my

sounds quite a catch

That's what happens when young and stupid people marry each other. Lovely children... still young and almost still as stupid parents

 

[Space]

My sis is married but her husband works shifts in Intel and when he's home he plays Everquest or sleeps. He really doesn't spend enough time with either my sister or his daughter.

I think that's probably the source of the problem or at least some of the source.

The funniest story ever was a few weeks back when he picked the child up and refused to let her go when she asked to be put down... so she head-butted him in the face. Unfortunately, being the jerk that he is, he slapped her in retalliation.

HE deserves a slap.

 

[TrueLoveWaits]

My sis is married but her husband works shifts in Intel and when he's home he plays Everquest or sleeps. He really doesn't spend enough time with either my sister or his daughter.

The funniest story ever was a few weeks back when he picked the child up and refused to let her go when she asked to be put down... so she head-butted him in the face. Unfortunately, being the jerk that he is, he slapped her in retalliation.

hope she headbutted him again!

 

[Squiggle]

hope she headbutted him again!

Nope, but my sister carried the child round to my Mum, asked her to mind her and went back to "have words" with her hubby. I'd say he got a bolloking.