Relationships - what is the point? (2 Viewers)

[carbide]

There was nothing wrong with the sizeist guy except that he really couldn't handle -- I think -- the concept of an adult woman. There's a big difference between fancying one or two very slender ladies because they also happen to be gorgeous, and in putting so much emphasis on body size. I think it says a lot that he was sort uncomfortable with 'normal' sized women, like he can't handle a woman who looks like an adult because he's determined not to pull his emotional ass out of adolescence. Because it wasn't just 'slender' women, it was borderline anorexic women that he thought looked 'good'.

there's a shitty probability that you weren't the only one who dealt with his shit about that, though, right? i have a notion at the moment that the adolescense thing should come with some kind of marker, because it's #1 for 'why stay single' - you're going to fuck up someone else too if you don't. some people really shouldn't be in relationships, or at least need to grow up a lot before they are.

Back on topic though - a lot of the Point of Relationships is just having a partner-in-crime to do fun stuff with all the time, and be there for you when the stuff ain't fun. And to help you carry the grocery shopping and give you massages.

i love this paragraph (and the slightly soppy romantic buzz appearing elsewhere in the thread). partners-in-crime are pretty damn tough to find, though.

When has anyone here was able to do what they liked when they liked? Probably before their 3rd birthday

that's literally true, but there's a difference in how quickly/rashly you can make decisions and who else you have to consider in how you spend your time. in a good relationship, it's worth it and more, etc. and if you have the maturity and security in yourself to maintain your own identity in a relationship, less of an issue, but if you don't or can only do it in conflict, you are going to lose out.


you know what i find really depressing? people who are single but really looking at it as "not in a relationship" and desperately trying to fix that, or at least not being able to be happy without it. i've done it before and beyond being silly, it makes you feel like shit and do stupid things, so i am pleased not to find myself doing it this time.

 

[Pantone247]

What is this thing you humans call 'love'?

 

[SONYMEGADRIVE]

- someone to blame when you can't sleep

 

[La La]

"throbbing thumped stalk"

whoever wrote that tag needs a slap and a high five

 

[jane]

there's a shitty probability that you weren't the only one who dealt with his shit about that, though, right? i have a notion at the moment that the adolescense thing should come with some kind of marker, because it's #1 for 'why stay single' - you're going to fuck up someone else too if you don't. some people really shouldn't be in relationships, or at least need to grow up a lot before they are.

Yeah, for sure, but the thing is, I think a lot of us who end up on the shit end of the stick in those situations have walked into them almost on purpose. Like, they don't want to grow up so they make impossible standards to avoid commitment. And we end up in relationships where we know this is the deal and do it anyway. We can never win, but by self-sabotaging, we're also avoiding commitment. It was a shitty, shitty realisation to come to, but I think it was very true. I ended up pining for guys who were not interested in commitment and getting hurt in the process. I finally found myself falling into that trap again, and I was like, "Shit, that's dumb." It was partly because the guy is utterly lovely and thought I was utterly lovely, too, so when it was totally clear that there was nothing wrong with either of us, I realised what was acutally happening.

But up til then I was generally happier and more confident when not in a relationship until I realised that I was deliberately (although not consciously) choosing ones in which it was difficult to maintain my confidence. Now I know that my shitty lack of self confidence and self sabotage -- though it's still there -- are nothing to do with my relationship. I know exactly who I am in my relationship. It's just the rest of me that's falling apart half the time, although being in a good relationship means it doesn't happen quite as often as it used to because I've got a baseline of support I never really had before.

There's compromise as in, going to his mates house on a Saturday night instead of the pub with your mates, and that's a good compromise. Then there's compromising yourself, which you should never do.

if you have the maturity and security in yourself to maintain your own identity in a relationship, less of an issue, but if you don't or can only do it in conflict, you are going to lose out.

What she said.

you know what i find really depressing? people who are single but really looking at it as "not in a relationship" and desperately trying to fix that, or at least not being able to be happy without it. i've done it before and beyond being silly, it makes you feel like shit and do stupid things, so i am pleased not to find myself doing it this time.

Yeah. The last time I was single, I was like, "God, I really want to meet someone nice!" but I was having a good time being on my own as well. and then I met someone nice and I was like, "SHIT, it's too SOOOOON!" But I also realised that 'too soon' was going by my old expectations, and decided that as long as I was still happy and confident and having fun, then there was no such thing as too soon because whatever 'it' was would find its own pace without being forced.

 

[cephalopod]

"throbbing thumped stalk"

whoever wrote that tag needs a slap and a high five

I'm not proud of it. It's like the bus boner, it appears uninvited and unacknowledged while perusing thumped and only makes itself known by bumping off the desk when one exits ones seat.

 

[egg_]

there's a difference in how quickly/rashly you can make decisions and who else you have to consider in how you spend your time. in a good relationship, it's worth it and more, etc. and if you have the maturity and security in yourself to maintain your own identity in a relationship, less of an issue, but if you don't or can only do it in conflict, you are going to lose out.

Nail on head

Here, theweeyin, you shouldn't judge a relationship by how it ends. The ending is only a tiny part of the whole. Same with a life

 

[La La]

I'm not proud of it. It's like the bus boner, it appears uninvited and unacknowledged while perusing thumped and only makes itself known by bumping off the desk when one exits ones seat.

hahahahah brilliant. jaysus here i am praising this, and i also have you quoted in my signature. the fan club leaflets are almost printed and ready to be handed out.

 

[cephalopod]

jaysis LaLa, I never noticed I was quoted in your signature.

I'm honoured. Don't join my fan club though, I don't officially endorse it. It costs a tenner a year, and I'm told by those who have joined that you wait 28 days (read six months) and all you get is a crappy badge and bendy straw with cephalopod written on one side, and made in china written on the other.

 

[snakybus]

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand cue cephalopod getting another stalk

 

[cephalopod]

As a Mancunian petty criminal/comedian I crossed paths with once said....

"a stalk you could fookin pick nose wiv..."

 

[La La]

for some reason, throbbing thumped stalk is making me think of a shaky piece of celery or soemthing. ick.

 

[Pantone247]

for some reason, throbbing thumped stalk is making me think of a shaky piece of celery or soemthing. ick.

 

[jane]

Great Pantone, now all I can think of is a scary gee.

 

[Raudi Raus Schinkel]

whats a mushroom mickey? Im fierce inocent

a lad with a micket the size of a button mushroom, a lad who has no business requiring any sort of specifics in a woman

 

[Wilbert]

Great Pantone, now all I can think of is a scary gee.

Now you know how men feel. All....the.....time......

 

[ernesto]

Now you know how men feel. All....the.....time......

BAM!

 

[theweeyin]

there's a shitty probability that you weren't the only one who dealt with his shit about that, though, right? i have a notion at the moment that the adolescense thing should come with some kind of marker, because it's #1 for 'why stay single' - you're going to fuck up someone else too if you don't. some people really shouldn't be in relationships, or at least need to grow up a lot before they are.



that's literally true, but there's a difference in how quickly/rashly you can make decisions and who else you have to consider in how you spend your time. in a good relationship, it's worth it and more, etc. and if you have the maturity and security in yourself to maintain your own identity in a relationship, less of an issue, but if you don't or can only do it in conflict, you are going to lose out.

Word

Great Pantone, now all I can think of is a scary gee.

You makes me laugh out LOUD!

 

[Corey]

Well, you will have a relationship with the other parent - be it romantic or not.

But yeah... I meant it's one of the things which could make a non-marraige relationship long-term.

Obviously, while pregnacy/having kids together is absolutley loaded with a very powerful and far reaching potential to further everyone and everything; i'm a little less optimistic about it's ability to keep a couple together.

we decidied to go through with it because we figured we'd make great parents, and so far so good; but i decided early on and for myself that the chances of it keepng us together were pretty slim. Self preservation etc.

Ironically, a huge amount of thought and effort was required to be comfortable with this idea and continue to raise a child; but it's still not the kind of realisation anyone would be glad about getting right.

 

[egg_]

Obviously, while pregnacy/having kids together is absolutley loaded with a very powerful and far reaching potential to further everyone and everything; i'm a little less optimistic about it's ability to keep a couple together

I know a few couples it kept together for longer than I would have otherwise expected. Kids don't solve problems, but your own woes slide down the priority scale for a few years