Relationships - what is the point? (3 Viewers)

[seanface]

after the honeymoon period ends and it becomes a series of compromises. oh joy...

 

[maims bond]

Ehh, good reasons to be in a relationsip. What is better about being in a relationship than being single? Aren't all relationships just doomed to end in flames when you get bored of each other? etc etc

Do these kind of sentiments have anything to do with it being January? I hate being single, although i'm kinda/sorta not anymore, which is exciting. Growing old alone seems a pretty depressing idea to me.

 

[theweeyin]

Do these kind of sentiments have anything to do with it being January? I hate being single, although i'm kinda/sorta not anymore, which is exciting. Growing old alone seems a pretty depressing idea to me.

What is your obsession with it being January??

 

[maims bond]

What is your obsession with it being January??

i have obsessive/compulsive disorder, don't stigmatise me.

 

[MDR]

No one has yet given me any real reason to think that relationships are not just a massive waste of time.

For me its about ever-deepening love between me and the most amazing person I've ever met. Other than that, it's the same as being single.

 

[La La]

im far from being a relationship expert but:

- you don't have to think about anyone else
- you can do what you like when you like

all the people i know in good relationships do this anyway. just because you're with someone else doesnt mean you lose your independence/autonomy

- you don't have to worry that you're getting to fat and yer fella won't fancy you anymore

but that shouldnt be an issue! im single and i have major fat days but if some dude doesnt like my body he can literally go fuck himself. i wouldnt want to be with anyone who didnt like me for the way I am anyway and neither should you or any man or woman. if a guy stope fancying you cos he thinks you're fat he aint worth being with. end of.

- you don't have to worry that you're fella has fallen out of love with you and/or has fallen in love with someone/thing else

yeah it's one of those downers about being with someone but surely it's better to forge ahead and see what happens rather than AVOID relationships out of fear this could happen?

- you don't have do worry about all that getting embarrassed and getting to know each other shit at the beginning

that whole exciting figuring out stuff about each other stage is one of the most exciting, imho. *thinking to yourself* "oh my god, he likes x, y and z, just like me!" and later on: "oh joy, he IS a good kisser! this is fun!" (etc etc) as well as the figuring out what ye like in bed stuff too, dont forget


that said, i'm off to buy 20 cats and be nibbled to death by them.

later doodz.
x

 

[the departed]

in relationships there are 3 rings.
the engagement ring, the wedding ring and then the suffering.

 

[Unicron]

- you don't have to think about anyone else
- you can do what you like when you like
- you don't have to worry that you're getting to fat and yer fella won't fancy you anymore
- you don't have to worry that you're fella has fallen out of love with you and/or has fallen in love with someone/thing else
- you don't have do worry about all that getting embarrassed and getting to know each other shit at the beginning

and so on.

edit: I don't have anyone in mind to have a relationship with any time soon. I have been put off them since the last time, hence why I'm wondering if there's any point at all when it all just seems to get messed up anyway, despite your best efforts!!!

Yeah but contrast that with the chance to systematically destroy someone else's self-esteem through a series of cruel and subtle mental tortures?

I've been single for a long time and don't think I'd be capable of maintaining a relationship with anyone at the minute but last time I was with someone it was pretty deadly.

 

[jane]

Relationships are great if they're good, but they're torture if they're not. Torturous relationships are a relief when they end, good ones are torturous and devastating if they end (although it wouldn't end if it was 'really' good).

Love might be a risk, but putting a wall up around yourself doesn't actually make you any happier. I think it kind of makes you worse because you've made it so that you've defined happiness by stasis, and by not letting anyone get close to you.

I realised a while back that I'd much rather have my heart broken a billion times than give up hope altogether. Which turned out to work fine.

But Weeyin, you don't need to be in a relationship if you don't want to. And when you meet someone and feel like you want to be in a relationship with him, then it will probably be a good time. Until then, enjoy being single.

 

[jane]

but that shouldnt be an issue! im single and i have major fat days but if some dude doesnt like my body he can literally go fuck himself. i wouldnt want to be with anyone who didnt like me for the way I am anyway and neither should you or any man or woman. if a guy stope fancying you cos he thinks you're fat he aint worth being with. end of.

I went out with a guy who saw a picture of me as a heavier lady and said he would never go out with me if I still looked like that. I asked if he'd go off me if I put on any weight, and he just mumbled something and said something about my not looking like that anymore, so it didn't matter. I asked him what would happen if I was pregnant, and he got really angry.

He was unable to see that the fat girl in the photograph was the exact same human being he was going out with, and that he'd pretty much just said that I didn't have the same value when I had more weight on me (and seriously, it wasn't all that much!).

He had a thing for overly skinny women and it was hinted at that I was a little on the pudgy and plain side for him.

It really fucking hurt.

On the upside, the best thing about beign with someone who is great is that you each think the other looks amazing no matter what. And it rules because it's nice when someone thinks you're lovely to look at but that what your surface image is like isn't the most important thing on earth to them. That rules.

 

[Space]

I went out with a guy who saw a picture of me as a heavier lady and said he would never go out with me if I still looked like that. I asked if he'd go off me if I put on any weight, and he just mumbled something and said something about my not looking like that anymore, so it didn't matter. I asked him what would happen if I was pregnant, and he got really angry.

He was unable to see that the fat girl in the photograph was the exact same human being he was going out with, and that he'd pretty much just said that I didn't have the same value when I had more weight on me (and seriously, it wasn't all that much!).

He had a thing for overly skinny women and it was hinted at that I was a little on the pudgy and plain side for him.

It really fucking hurt.

On the upside, the best thing about beign with someone who is great is that you each think the other looks amazing no matter what. And it rules because it's nice when someone thinks you're lovely to look at but that what your surface image is like isn't the most important thing on earth to them. That rules.

Did you dump him?

 

[cephalopod]

I saw a sign over the urinal in the pub with a 1550 number for singletons. Should I ring it doodz?

 

[jane]

Did you dump him?

Eventually, yeah. But the Very Important Lesson I learned was that while I was totally willing to have my heart broken a billion times, it was that I was starting to realise sooner after meeting someone whether it would 'work'. So the next time I got my heart squashed it was just because I realised that someone I fancied and who fancied me was not the right boyfriend for me. It was really sad, but it was devoid of any hard feelings and there was no nastiness that hurt in a bad way.

There was nothing wrong with the sizeist guy except that he really couldn't handle -- I think -- the concept of an adult woman. There's a big difference between fancying one or two very slender ladies because they also happen to be gorgeous, and in putting so much emphasis on body size. I think it says a lot that he was sort uncomfortable with 'normal' sized women, like he can't handle a woman who looks like an adult because he's determined not to pull his emotional ass out of adolescence. Because it wasn't just 'slender' women, it was borderline anorexic women that he thought looked 'good'.

I was just doing my best with what I had but I was never skinny so I was never properly attractive. I always felt like he was slumming it a bit with me, but I didn't really believe it for a long time - it's not the easiest thing to accept. Although he did once try to dig himself out by saying he once had a fling with a 'larger lady' who was 'fun'. Because I dunno, fat people are jolly for a while, but you wouldn't want to keep one?

So the point is, I'll always be really funny about my weight, and I have accepted that I'll always be at least a little bit repulsed by what I see in the mirror, but Mr Jane is like, "That's your buzz, not mine." That's the way it should be. I'm still terrified of putting on weight (I have no idea if I will be able to handle being pregnant), but it's not anything to do with Mr Jane, who genuinely thinks I'm deadly even when I look rubbish.

Relationships are not about looks, or about hedging your bets for the future, to maybe not die alone. It's nice to have someone to hold hands with. Or when something really cool happens to you, to be able to call someone who is actually *exactly* as happy as you are. And vice versa.

 

[tibor]

- you don't have to think about anyone else

This is a good thing.
Having someone you can rely on, that's always there for you when needed and what not.

 

[JohnnyRaz]

I have been musing this whilst I have been single and I'm not really sure there is a point. But maybe that's just because I'm single.

Enlighten me please.

farting in each others company and having sex whilst wearing socks.

 

[jane]

farting in each others company and having sex whilst wearing socks.

My farts are legendary and Mr Jane was not au fey with the 'dutch oven' before me. And apparently, he'd never 'been in a covered wagon', either. Nor had he 'felt a southerly wind'. Poor fella. Burned the nose hairs. I'm not allowed so much hummus anymore.

Farts and burps and spots and all that, without diminishing the romance -- awesome stuff.

 

[therealjohnny]

I remember reading a Smash Hits interview with Kirsty McColl when I was very young, where she defined love as "not minding each others farts"

useful knowledge for a prepubescent lad

 

[JohnnyRaz]

My farts are legendary and Mr Jane was not au fey with the 'dutch oven' before me. And apparently, he'd never 'been in a covered wagon', either. Nor had he 'felt a southerly wind'. Poor fella. Burned the nose hairs. I'm not allowed so much hummus anymore.

Farts and burps and spots and all that, without diminishing the romance -- awesome stuff.

never stand downwind of a vegan. thats all Ill say on the mater.

 

[cephalopod]

I wish I weren't so lonely doods

 

[Vinnie]

Is this a primary school module in Scotland?