People who hate you for no appartent reason (1 Viewer)

[Ferox13]

I'm looking forward to I is John's ghost written autobiography, I IS JANE!http://www.thumped.com/bbs/member.php?u=1018

 

[george mcfly]

That's exactly why I think it's irrelevant to suggest he fancies her. He may well be head over heels for her, but to suggest it's making him act like that is almost to excuse it, or to evoke some sort of sympathy for the poor sod who is so smitten he can't be a decent human being. There's no excuse.

Unfortunately, though, I dunno, maybe I'm not a particularly strong person, but that kind of shit does get to me. It's less to do with the actual stuff that gets said or done, it's the fact that someone would take the time out of his or her day just to be horrible to me. And these people are also very often good at picking out your weak points. Not that many people are so strong and confident and self-assured-to-the-core to resist being upset by that.

That's what bullies do. They pick on your weak points. Some of the shite an ex of mine used to say to me, you really wouldn't say to your worst enemy, and yet as much as I knew he was just being mean, it really cut deep. You're right, though, it wasn't until I just decided that I could walk away that it got better. In a weird way, because it was my relationship, I could get out of it. It's sometimes harder to do with an aquaintance.

And allowing for any kind of 'he fancies her' excuse does make it harder to walk away because that makes you feel a bit sympathetic. Shitty behaviour is shitty behaviour, period.

uuuuh wha?

isn't this just about some fella who's a bit awkward around a girl?
how is he a bully all of a sudden?

 

[oh shit]

we're talking about something else now dude

 

[jane]

uuuuh wha?

isn't this just about some fella who's a bit awkward around a girl?
how is he a bully all of a sudden?

Someone deliberately humiliating another person, singling them out and being a total prick while being nice to everyone else is not just 'a bit awkward'. It's nasty and it's pretty much the same dynamic as are all the behaviours on the bullying spectrum, from mild public humiliation and insult to outright abuse.

I used the word bullying in the context of an example from my own experience. Because Roisin asked about other people's experiences.

 

[oh shit]

Love hurts, Love scars, Love wounds and mars
Any heart not tough or strong enough
To take a lot of pain, take a lot of pain
Love is like a cloud, it holds a lot of rain
Love hurts, Ooo-oo Love hurts

I'm young, I know, But even so
I know a thing or two - I learned from you
I really learned a lot, really learned a lot
Love is like a flame It burns you when it's hot
Love hurts, Ooo-oo Love hurts

Some fools think of happiness, blissfulness, togetherness
Some fools fool themselves, I guess
They're not foolin' me
I know it isn't true I know it isn't true
Love is just a lie made to make you blue
Love hurts, Ooo-oo Love hurts

[Solo]

I know it isn't true I know it isn't true
Love is just a lie made to make you blue
Love hurts, Ooo-oo Love hurts
Ooo-oo, Love hurts Ooo-oo

 

[snakybus]

fuckin' hell jane, you're taking mental to new levels today

rock on

 

[george mcfly]

Someone deliberately humiliating another person, singling them out and being a total prick while being nice to everyone else is not just 'a bit awkward'. It's nasty and it's pretty much the same dynamic as are all the behaviours on the bullying spectrum, from mild public humiliation and insult to outright abuse.

I used the word bullying in the context of an example from my own experience. Because Roisin asked about other people's experiences.

i think that's a bit extreme though

even if the guy doesn't like her, he's just ignoring her..
it doesn't sound like he's gone all 'sleeping with the enemy'

if you don't want to talk with someone, you don't want to talk to someone.. it doesn't make you a bully

 

[Squiggle]

Someone deliberately humiliating another person, singling them out and being a total prick while being nice to everyone else is not just 'a bit awkward'. It's nasty and it's pretty much the same dynamic as are all the behaviours on the bullying spectrum, from mild public humiliation and insult to outright abuse.

I used the word bullying in the context of an example from my own experience. Because Roisin asked about other people's experiences.

Not saying hello to an acquaintance in the bus is bullying now? I love you Jane but I think you've gone off the deep end on this one.

Roisin didn't mention any verbal or physical abuse, backstabbing, stalking or any other form of abusive/violent/frightening behaviour.

Yes, the 'people who hate you' thing might suggest it, but at 18 someone who is on the other side of the road wearing sunglasses and listening to music while sleepwalking who 'ignores' you can start you wondering what you did wrong.

 

[jane]

fuckin' hell jane, you're taking mental to new levels today

rock on

Jesus. Is that really necessary?

Anyway, the guy's being a bit subtly mean, glaring at her when she talks. It's not actually bullying -- and I didn't say it was -- just that sort of hot and cold behaviour can be seen as on the spectrum of bullying behaviours. And I pointed out when I'd had someone turn on me like that and go all nasty.

He's not ignoring her, though. If you don't like someone, you can avoid them without giving them dirty looks. And if you just don't like someone, you don't need to avoid getting on the same bus as them. I dunno, if I just plain don't care for someone, I won't wait for the next bus rather than get on with them. He's avoiding her with effort, which is not ignoring her at all.

Anyway, back to unhelpful pithy one-liners.

 

[Ferox13]

Wasn't Jane just talking about her own experience and not saying that Roisens guy is a bully..

 

[jane]

Not saying hello to an acquaintance in the bus is bullying now? I love you Jane but I think you've gone off the deep end on this one.

Roisin didn't mention any verbal or physical abuse, backstabbing, stalking or any other form of abusive/violent/frightening behaviour.

Yes, the 'people who hate you' thing might suggest it, but at 18 someone who is on the other side of the road wearing sunglasses and listening to music while sleepwalking who 'ignores' you can start you wondering what you did wrong.

Ugh. I NEVER SAID HE WAS BULLYING HER. I said in my own experience, there had been bullying, and I was using that to counter the whole 'he fancies her' thing. That it wasn't necessarily the case, and that it is a factor of being young.

I love how I'm being accused of being insane now.

 

[snakybus]

Acthually, that wath a pithy two-liner, if you look clothely

 

[george mcfly]

It's not actually bullying -- and I didn't say it was -- just that sort of hot and cold behaviour can be seen as on the spectrum of bullying behaviours. .

what? it's not bullying but it's on the bullying spectrum?

i'm sorry Jane, but that's just a load of rubbish

 

[Bladez]

This thread is going to explode into one of those 30+ page threads. I can see it coming...

 

[rettucs]

Not saying hello to an acquaintance in the bus is bullying now?

Hi Squiggle, I think we're talking about something different here, and I have to say I'm with jane on this (and also taking mental to new levels).

Like theres not talking to someone when you're going about your business, but theres also not talking to someone but going out of your way to let that person know you're not talking to them but putting yourself in their way as much as you can.

The differences are subtle, but are there. To me the latter case is emotional bullying.

But, whether thats the case in Roisins predicament, thats another story, and to me it isn't obvious.

 

[Denny Oubidoux]

I love how I'm being accused of being insane now.

heh, that is amusing

 

[jane]

Hi Squiggle, I think we're talking about something different here, and I have to say I'm with jane on this (and also taking mental to new levels).

Like theres not talking to someone when you're going about your business, but theres also not talking to someone but going out of your way to let that person know you're not talking to them but putting yourself in their way as much as you can.

The differences are subtle, but are there. To me the latter case is emotional bullying.

But, whether thats the case in Roisins predicament, thats another story, and to me it isn't obvious.

Tanks. That's the point I was trying to make. If she's feeling uncomfortable with it, that's because he seems to be making it that way. Every day we all encounter people who don't talk to us, and it's no big deal. He's making it something more.

It may well be that he fancies her, or that he feels an irrational hatred (or both), or any number of things, but regardless of explanation, the conscious effort he's making is shitty behaviour. It's not being a bully-bully, but it's the same kind of spectrum of behaviours that bullies use, just not as severe.

I was offering my own experience of being bullied which, by the way, is not ever totally possible to detach myself from, so thank so much for the sensitivity everyone. I'm totally mental, obviously.

 

[broken arm]

people should just get on with the riding and be done with it.

 

[Lili Marlene]

being a shy guy under 20 is a fucking nightmare

 

[broken arm]

being a shy guy under 20 is a fucking nightmare

i imagine it's worse if you are still like it in your 30's