oh shit
Well-Known Member
I've known guys like this, and unfortunately, I am not convinced that they all somehow fancied me.
If you find out how to make them not do this shit, let me know.
When I first moved up to Dublin, a fella and I became friends, and then he seemed to fancy me a little, and I fancied him back. We hung out nearly every day, and it was cool. Turned out one of the reasons I'd always run into him on my way out of the building was that he sat near a window where he could see right into the place where I was working. Took me a while to figure it out, until one day when I was actually standing where I knew he sat and realised it was like he was watching The Jane Show, Starring Jane, and that he was actually packing up his stuff and timing it so we'd be in the same corridor at the same time. Naively, I thought that was really sweet.
ANYHOO, he was a bit shy around ladies. He'd become so bothered around me sometimes (I was, too, just maybe a teeny bit better at hiding it) that he sometimes looked like he was in pain. So I kinda made a move one night and that went VERY BADLY INDEED. Despite the fact that he'd been flirting, holding my hand, kissing me on the cheek, etc (so like, he wasn't *that* scared, I guess).
During the following months, he took to harassing me, insulting me in front of people (including, at an international conference, saying how crap I was at something and then pointing me out in the audience, in case anyone wanted to see Mrs Crapface up close and personal), on several occasions coming into the room where I worked, standing in front of the door and rattling off a big list of things that are absolutely wrong and shit about me, etc etc.
He cornered my flatmate at a party one time, confronted her about why she was not participating in his campaign to destroy me. Apparently, this went on for about two hours, during which she tried to get away from him and he wasn't leaving her alone about it. He asked why she'd betrayed him, she said she couldn't be friends with someone who was so hateful toward anyone, and he was all, "SHE POISONED YOU, TOOOOOO!"
Next time I saw him, he was all hesitant, but I was all I Am Very Professional And Will Answer Your Question Using My Bestest Manners But I Will Not Lie And Say It's Nice To See You. I assumed that he was so embarrased at that stage that he wouldn't do it again.
Weirdly, we get on really well again now. I don't know why, but I kinda don't even hold it against him. It seems like it was another person who did all that.
And even if he did fancy me, it didn't really matter because it still made me dread going in every day, knowing that I was probably not going to get through the day without crying. It only went on for a couple of months, but it was absolutely awful and I nearly quit my PhD over it.
If someone is treating you with less than zero respect, it doesn't matter if he or she fancies you -- it's not cool at all. There were a few times when the fancying explanation was possible, but also, there's a sense that a certain type of guy who likes a certain type of girl does not want a lady like you around, who doesn't suffer fools. The entire success of his ladykilling operation depends on being able to pretend he's top dog, and if you're not falling for his act, then you're liable to expose him. It's kind of like the shit teenage girls do to each other, undermining those who might pose a threat to their power simply by not buying into it sufficiently. I dunno, that's just my theory, something I concocted once while having my afternoon cry in the first-floor toilets.
By the way, I will say that some of these things did eventually resolve themselves. Others were resolved in drunken conversations. I can't really think of any that didn't stop after a while, usually without much of an incident.
i dunno jane, you sort of undermine your point a little by starting out with "he fancied me"
