Has anyone got any good jokes? (1 Viewer)

[Tubby Tucker]

Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic imsomniac?
He stayed up all night wondering if there really was a dog.

 

[Professor O'Rye]

I rang up the rape advice line last night..
Apparently it's just for victims.

 

[karljacuncha]

What's blue and sticky?

Smurf cum.

call me a pedant, but there isn't actually a direct correlation between skin colour & semen colour, so this joke loses funny points for being factually incorrect.

to impprove it, might i suggest:
"What's blue and sticky?

Smurfette's face ...after I've finished with her"

 

[Pantone247]

"I went out with a girl in college... she was just like the girl next door... if you lived next door to a whore house"

 

[Charlie Bucket]

"I went out with a girl in college... she was just like the girl next door... if you lived next door to a whore house"

that reminds me of a joke a i heard a cork comedian tell years ago at a show in edinburgh, along the lines of:

there's a guy moping about so his friend says to him -

"why dontcha come out tonight"
"naw, I don't feel like it"
"but you might meet the girl of your dreams"
"the girl of my dreams? i wouldn't want to be seen in public with that slut!"

 

[Jerry Twig]

Has it been a year? Christ, we need new jokes

 

[skinnerchinner]

whats black and white and eats like a horse?

a zebra

there must be a newer joke thread than this one
ive already told that ten times

 

[Jerry Twig]

There isn't. Thumped is too serious for jokes

 

[FrankieTeardrop]

What's green and smells like yellow paint?

Green paint.

 

[Jim Daniels]

What was Beethovan's favourite fruit?


Ba-na-na-naaas

 

[skinnerchinner]

whats greay and smells like red paint ?

grey paint

whats grey and comes in litres ?

an elephant

what do you do if an elephant comes in your window?

swim

 

[David Kronenbourg]

A horse walks into a bar.

The barman asks, ‘Why the long face?’

The horse replies "I have developed rhinophyma – an enlargement of the sebaceous glands brought on by my massive alcoholism..."

 

[e+s=b]

my god thats hilarious.

whats the worst thing about being a male rollerblader?
telling your mother you're gay

I rang up the rape advice line last night..
Apparently it's just for victims.

 

[7 - No tomorrow]

Why can't Stevie Wonder see his friends?

 

[GO]

How do you make a hormone?



Kick her in the gee.

 

[GO]

Whats the smelliest thing in the world?



A fishes gee.

 

[7 - No tomorrow]

Why can't Stevie Wonder see his friends?

Because he's married.

 

[GO]

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to 7 - No tomorrow again

 

[east hastings]

Can't remember where i got this one from:

I met my girlfriend at London Zoo, when i first saw her i knew she was a keeper

 

[7 - No tomorrow]

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to 7 - No tomorrow again

I'm here all week.