puns (1 Viewer)

[taubstumm]

i want to not have to think about the weather. i want really bad and really good puns. like the one i heard last night about two people wearing red coats who retorted to a comment by saying that, yes, they were well read...

that sort of thing. really groan-some ones. prize for the best and worst one.

 

[hop]

i want to not have to think about the weather. i want really bad and really good puns. like the one i heard last night about two people wearing red coats who retorted to a comment by saying that, yes, they were well read...

that sort of thing. really groan-some ones. prize for the best and worst one.

I was gonna put a pun up here but the last time i entered such a contest, I sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of them would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

kill me now.

please.

 

[Psychotic no 2]

I can't believe you actually went ahead with this Tom. [shakes head]

 

[Theseus Mock]

my favorite pun is when people tell you that they've been to Nice in France. I say "That's Nice". I crack myself up sometimes.

 

[rumpus]

I once told snakybus this big long story about a guy I knew who encouraged a guy he knew, while stoned and pissed and on acid, to insert a bottle in his anus.

Anyways, in the end, snaky says "with friends like that, who needs enemas".

always liked that one.

 

[taubstumm]

my brother really liked p. littbarski's "murder on zidane's floor" signature.

more!

 

[herv]

hahah!

puns!

my favourite one has to be about the french fishmonger, he smelt a little bit vichy...

 

[pete]

"a freudian slip is when you say one thing, but mean your mother"

 

[snakybus]

hear about the doctor who got a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home from work every day?

one day the barman has no hazelnut cordial, so he gives him hickory instead

doctor screws up his face and says "what's this? it's not hazelnut"

sez the barman, ashamed: "it's a hickory daiquiri, doc"

 

[P. Littbarski]

hear about the doctor who got a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home from work every day?

one day the barman has no hazelnut cordial, so he gives him hickory instead

doctor screws up his face and says "what's this? it's not hazelnut"

sez the barman, ashamed: "it's a hickory daiquiri, doc"

..."hickory daiquiri, doc" hehehehehe

heres another one about footballers getting arrested (apologies in advance, it's terrible)

Did you hear though that Ex-Spice Girl Mel B has been arrested after trying to steal tobacco from a German International footballer

.....apparently she really, really, really wanted a Ziege cigar.

 

[herv]

a poultry farmer bought an emu, and having nowhere to put it, he stuck it in with the chickens. they refused to speak to it because it was so much bigger than them. as a result, after a few weeks it was feeling ostrich-sized...

 

[herv]

in fact, that same farmer once took part in a bicycle race around an arboretum. it was called the tour de plants

 

[ook]

I always love the look on peoples faces when they talk about so and so being in denial and I interrupt to say "why's he in a river in egypt?"...

 

[P. Littbarski]

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was great.

A toothless termite walked into a bar and said, "Is the bar tender here?"

wagga wagga wagga

 

[hop]

a neutron orders a pint and asks the barman how much, the barman says 'for you, no charge'

 

[Super Dexta]

I used to think that everyone used a broom like this (mimes sweeping action).

Then I realised that was just a sweeping generalisation.

 

[pete]

... or the one about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac who'd lie awake at night wondering if there really was a dog...

 

[hop]

... or the one about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac who'd lie awake at night wondering if there really was a dog...

2 dyslexics sitting at home and one turns to the other and says 'Can you smell gas??' the other says 'will you fuck off, i can't even smell me own name'

 

[ann post]

pissed with my cousin recently, ad every half hour she'd turn to me and say

(galway accent)

gwan - sing g'pail ...gwan... y'know ... G'PAIL!!!





















G'pail moon was rising.....





then later it was



Gwan... Sing shovin' connie



Gewan... Sing it... Gwan .....



y'know - shovin connie!!






Shovin connie around the field.


(to be sung to the tune of irish national anthem...)

 

[Jimmy Magee]

my favorite pun is when people tell you that they've been to Nice in France. I say "That's Nice". I crack myself up sometimes.

Reminds me of when the Nice treaty vote was coming up, and there were loads of billboards with "Say yes to the Nice treaty" - it was like something you'd say to a kid