Office-Speak phrases you hate (1 Viewer)

[karljacuncha]

the only way to deal with sopme of these is to respond to them literally.
when someone says:
- "bring me solutions, not problems!" - get them a glass of water with salt in it.
- "think outside the box" - put a cardboard box on the desk beside you and stare off into space
- "be more pacific" - repeat the same thing in a softer, quieter voice

of course, this only work with things that actually make sense on some level - for most of them you'll need to stare blankly for a while, then ask them to repeat it in english.

 

[Johnnyc]

I once had a boss who used the term "event horizon" when describing a deadline. He wasn't even Sam Neil!

 

[Owen]

There's a bird in accounts that I wouldn't mind running up the flagpole.

 

[classic seanc]

Oh man, I feel the same way about this flag that's down in Goods Inwards.

 

[MDR]

Slagging office jargon is so 1990s.

 

[Froog]

Slagging office jargon is so 1990s.

your outlook isn't proactively oriented. touch base with me offline and we'll discuss that 100lb gorilla.

 

[MDR]

I can sense a new thread about the misuse of apostrophes.

 

[nlgbbbblth]

I can sense a new thread about the misuse of apostrophes.

always a good gripe.

 

[Froog]

pr'cks.

 

[deedee]

My poor new boss is having a fierce hard time trying to communicate with the dinosaurs at work. His emails are particularly perplexing. "..blah blah blah.We need to get our house in order, get the collateral together JIT". Apparently by this he meant we needed to get a biog of an executive director JUST IN TIME. That's just an example. This is the type of riddle we decode daily.

Great craic.

 

[MDR]

There was a guy in my class at school called Christopher who preferred to be called 'git' - apparently it's a Dublin thing.

 

[classic seanc]

My poor new boss is having a fierce hard time trying to communicate with the dinosaurs at work. His emails are particularly perplexing. "..blah blah blah.We need to get our house in order, get the collateral together JIT". Apparently by this he meant we needed to get a biog of an executive director JUST IN TIME. That's just an example. This is the type of riddle we decode daily.

Great craic.

It's one thing using bullshit jargon, it's quite another to completely misuse bullshit jargon. JIT is a yoke to manage inventory, it's not txt spk.

 

[classic seanc]

No one I know who works in insurance, banking, finance, or Anything else to do with money know's how to type THE FUCKING €€€€€ SYMBOL.

 

[Froog]

No one I know who works in insurance, banking, finance, or Anything else to do with money know's how to type THE FUCKING €€€€€ SYMBOL.

huuuuuurgh......$$$$.......hurnnnnn.....444$4$.

guilty.

 

[classic seanc]

Ctrl+Alt+4

 

[Froog]

€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€
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€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€
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€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€
€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€
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[Goff]

There was a guy in my class at school called Christopher who preferred to be called 'git' - apparently it's a Dublin thing.

Git, Gitser or Gitsy.

Very Dublin alright.

 

[theoootini]

alt gr + 4 works too chaps.

 

[classic seanc]

€

OMG, I feel like such a fool.

 

[CitySickness]