Office-Speak phrases you hate (1 Viewer)

[mr pharmacist!!!!1]

"its not rocket science mate"

coming from a hmv manager

 

[SONYMEGADRIVE]

"what are you doing, this isn't HMV!"

my old boss at NASA - the entire time!

 

[frona]

I hate "thanks a mil". Someone's probably said it already but I'm not reading this thread because I work in an office.

 

[Vinnie]

"Dont look at it. Shut your eyes Marion and dont look at it, no matter what happens"

Shut up stupid boss!

 

[Jerry Twig]

Give me a 'guestimate'.
And I actually heard someone say 'bi-lats', as short for bi-laterals, as in a conversation with another person.
Can you believe that one?!

 

[Cormcolash]

"Up the ra!"

My old bosses used to shout that all the time and wave guns around in the air, it was so tedious!

 

[GO]

"We're not trying to re-invent the wheel".

People say that about my band.
If I could get some facetime with those responsible I'd make sure they were boxed off.

 

[Unicron]

"You useless prick."

Never work with family folks.

 

[Mormon Nailer]

PROACTIVE

Next person who fucking says proactive to me gets fucking murdered and burried in a shallow grave.

 

[Unicron]

PROACTIVE

Next person who fucking says proactive to me gets fucking murdered and burried in a shallow grave.

Proactive.

CAHM ON YOU CAAHHHNNT. LET'S BE 'AVING YOU.

 

[Mormon Nailer]

M. Nailer English Dictionary

Procative .a

Most commonly used by useless managers who have no idea have to do their job and can't find any other way to criticise you because they don't understand even the most basic aspects of the job. It equates to "Hi! I don't like you and you don't respect me, I understand that because I'm a clueless cunt promoted way above my ability, I don't know what you do and I can't suggest or think of anything else you should have done so I'm just going to say "proactive" a few times in a vain attempt to make you feel inferior and to put a veneer of bullshit HR speak and objectiviy on this ritualised bullying, that OK?"

 

[Mormon Nailer]

Proactive.

CAHM ON YOU CAAHHHNNT. LET'S BE 'AVING YOU.

dead man walking

 

[muffin]

"its not rocket science mate"

coming from a hmv manager

HMV managers are pricks for wanky speak..Plus they use abbreviations for everything..pricks..

I had a HMV manager say 'Don't give me problems, give me solutions' to me..Arsehole.

 

[Johnnyc]

"Print out that email with extreme prejudice."

"Let's have a naked meeting."

"Let's have a naked meeting with extreme prejudice."

 

[BonsaiSuperstar]

oh god i have loads - in fact since i work with americans most of the day in meetings i get new ones everyday.

"perform a gap analysis" (ha ha ha)
"touch base offline" very common one

they talk about ramping all the time
they say things like they are "99% complete" which usually means they have nothing done.

honestly i need to start writing these down

 

[broken arm]

tee-up

as in "I'd like to tee-up this discussion"

 

[jane]

The use of the word 'dynamic'.

FUCK DYNAMISM, JUST SIT THE FUCK DOWN AND BE A HUMAN FOR A CHANGE.

 

[Super Dexta]

The use of the word 'dynamic'.

FUCK DYNAMISM, JUST SIT THE FUCK DOWN AND BE A HUMAN FOR A CHANGE.

ah, i'm glad it's not just me.
in my last officey job i considered constantly describing people as static to balance up all the dynamism floating around.

 

[broken arm]

buy-in and stakeholders

 

[broken arm]

we use lots of these in work

National Plain English Day was 11 December 2007. To mark the occasion, the Local Government Association (LGA) published a list of 100 words that public bodies should not use if they want to communicate effectively.


Local government leaders say that unless councils talk to residents in a language they understand, the work they do becomes inaccessible. This reduces the chances of people getting involved in their local issues.


Below is the full list, in alphabetical order. And remember, if you want more help tackling plain English in your organisation, have a look around our plain English web resource.

The LGA's top 100 'banned words'

1. ambassador
2. agencies
3. beacon
4. best practice
5. bottom-up
6. CAAs
7. can do culture
8. capacity
9. capacity building
10. cascading
11. cautiously welcome
12. champion
13. citizen empowerment
14. community engagement
15. conditionality
16. consensual
17. contestability
18. core message
19. core value
20. coterminosity
21. coterminous
22. cross-cutting
23. customer
24. democratic mandate/legitimacy
25. distorts spending priorities
26. early win
27. empowerment
28. engagement
29. engaging users
30. enhance
31. evidence base
32. external challenge
33. facilitate
34. fast-track
35. flexibilities and freedoms
36. framework
37. fulcrum
38. good practice
39. governance
40. guidelines
41. holistic
42. holistic governance
43. improvement levers
44. incentivising
45. income/funding streams
46. initiative
47. joined up
48. joint working
49. LAAs
50. level playing field
51. localities
52. meaningful consultation/dialogue
53. MAAs
54. menu of options
55. multi-agency
56. multidisciplinary
57. outcomes
58. output
59. participatory
60. partnerships
61. pathfinder
62. peer challenge
63. performance network
64. place shaping
65. predictors of beaconicity
66. preventative services
67. priority
68. process driven
69. quick hit
70. quick win
71. resource allocation
72. revenue streams
73. risk based
74. scaled-back
75. scoping
76. seedbed
77. service users
78. shared priority
79. signpost
80. single point of contact
81. slippage
82. social contracts
83. stakeholder
84. step change
85. strategic/overarching
86. streamlined
87. subsidiary
88. sustainable
89. sustainable communities
90. symposium
91. synergies
92. tested for soundness
93. third sector
94. top-down
95. transformational
96. transparency
97. value-added
98. vision
99. visionary
100. welcome