Office-Speak phrases you hate (2 Viewers)

[Froog]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/magazine/7457287.stm

2. "My employers (top half of FTSE 100) recently informed staff that we are no longer allowed to use the phrase brain storm because it might have negative connotations associated with fits. We must now take idea showers. I think that says it all really."
Anonymous, England

5. "My favourite which I hear from the managers at the bank I work for is let's touch base about that offline. I think it means have a private chat but I am still not sure."
Gemma, Wolverhampton, England

7-8. "We used to collect the jargon used in a list and award the person with the most at the end of the year. The winner was a client manager with the classic you can't turn a tanker around with a speed boat change. What? Second was we need a holistic, cradle-to-grave approach, whatever that is."
Turner, Manchester

 

[classic seanc]

Last night, I actioned the hole off your ma.

 

[muffin]

Squaring the circle was a popular one in music retail..Yuck..

 

[David Kronenbourg]

I hate it when my boss says, "eat it you filthy piece of scum!" I'm like, "get off my case or whatever!"

 

[timbot]

Action I do hate. Mixing metaphors is pretty much de rigeur.
I was in a meeting where a manager managed to use the phrase "World of Pain" compare the decision on which server to use as "Sophies Choice" and likened the project to George Foreman.

 

[maims bond]

Boss: "Can you link in with Susan about that?"
Me: "No. But I can go and have a chat with her about it if you like?".

 

[Hector Grey]

a piece of creative.
amends, as apposed to amendments.
people can't speak proper any more.

 

[snakybus]

I always called them almonds

I shall call the almondments henceforth

 

[classic seanc]

The use of effect vs affect

It's a struggle that never ends.

 

[JohnnyRaz]

The use of effect vs affect

It's a struggle that never ends.

'horizon scanning'
'going forward'

 

[Moods For Mallards]

My boss likes to talk about 'pacific' items, one at a time. Even in emails, he is very 'pacific'.

The big one in here is to talk about your 'gut feel' on some problem. Nouns are verbs, verbs are nouns, it's all the one. We have 'team leads'.

 

[Owen]

I can't think of any right now but I will revert to you all shortly.

 

[nlgbbbblth]

welcome to my world.

I fight this aural horror every day.

 

[nlgbbbblth]

I can't think of any right now but I will revert to you all shortly.

people misusing 'revert'

to go back to an earlier state

when they should use reply or respond

 

[Froog]

here's more office speak fans;

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/b...sk-jockey-a-guide-to-office-speak-760164.html

Run it up the flagpole
Now considered to be a cliché in its native America, where besuited bigwigs popularised it in the late 1950s and early 1960s, "let's run it up the flagpole and see if anyone salutes it" means, simply, to present an idea and see whether it receives a favourable reaction.
The phrase was associated with New York advertising agencies, and was frequently the target of comedians and satirists, who also mocked the popular use of the suffix "wise" (as in, "we've had a good year, revenue-wise").
After "run it up the flagpole" became hackneyed, it spawned a series of joke versions, including "Let's drop it in the pool and see if it makes a splash," "Let's throw it against the wall and see if it sticks," and "Let's put it on the five-fifteen and see if it gets off at Westport" (a Connecticut suburb on the line out of Manhattan popular with successful middle-management executives).

Elephant in the room
The elephant in the room is the big problem that is obvious to all, but which everyone ignores (or avoids mentioning) because it might be politically or socially embarrassing. The phrase is thought to be American in origin, dating back to the 1970s, but has meant subtly different things at different times. It crossed into business use in the late 1990s and has spawned the synonymous expressions "the moose on the table" and, very recently, a "the 100lb gorilla".

Net net
A very popular expression amoung accountants, meaning the "real" bottom line, the bottom bottom line as it were, that is net of all taxes, costs and absolutely everything. Net net first entered the lexicon about five years ago to the bemusment of casual onlookers and has since taken on quite a currency of its own. In what can only be described as an act of brutal competitiveness, however, estate agents have recently gone one better. If a property you're interested is net net net, it means you will be responsible for all expenses relating to the premises, including snow ploughing, rubbish removal, insurance, and more....

Screw the pooch
This delicate phrase denotes the avoidance of productivity. It is often shouted in a confrontational context - for example: "Are you going to sit there and screw the pooch all day?" – and was first, reputedly, uttered in Arnold Schwarzenegger's early 1990s vehicle True Lies, where Charlton Heston, as the head of a security services organisation, confronts his bungling team. The phrase has an earlier pedigree: like many other subsequent clichés, it first appears in Tom Wolfe's 1979 book The Right Stuff, where the author reports it as slang used by test pilots in the Californian desert. The test pilot who "screwed the pooch" was the one who died in the wreckage of his plane.

 

[theweeyin]

"We're not trying to re-invent the wheel".

 

[Juno]

"We're not trying to re-invent the wheel".

Argh, I'd a manager who said that about 20 times a day. Used to drive me mad. Another one (not really generic office-speak so much as charity/counselling office-speak) is talking "around" something instead of "about" it, as in "I'd like to talk to you around my expenses claims".

 

[SONYMEGADRIVE]

"row harder you swarthy dogs!"

(i work on a slave ship)

 

[snakybus]

"You really must check out the Bad Plus"

Sheesh, stop imposing your musical taste on me, boss!

 

[Moods For Mallards]

"艱苦工作您歐洲豬!"