Office-Speak phrases you hate (1 Viewer)

[jane]

I hate all of those words but will admit to having used the term 'community engagement'.

I'm gonna nick that list for my work, though. And then I'm going to tack on another 100 words to make it more dynamic and send it out as the style guide. "I don't give a fuck if you end up using the same word 100 times, but don't you dare use these words, and it's 'preventive' anyway, not 'preventative', which is a fucking waste of a syllable in and is not sustainable in this world where all of our resources are running short. And also, no sweatshops, KTHX."

Eco. Eco. Eco. FUCKO. WE GET IT, YOU WEAR STELLA MCCARTNEY ORGANIC CLOTHES AND WASH YOUR SUV WITH ECOVER.

FINE.

Why am I so angry?

Jesus, guys.

Srsly.

I'm off to 'cute lifestyles'.

 

[broken arm]

I hate all of those words but will admit to having used the term 'community engagement'.

i probably hear the following at least once each day.

agencies, best practice, capacity, capacity building, conditionality, core value, engagement, evidence base, facilitate, framework, governance, guidelines, initiative, joined up, outcomes, output, partnerships, priority, resource allocation,stakeholder,strategic/overarching, sustainable,third sector,transparency, value-added, vision

mind you, we don't communicate with the 'public' all that often

 

[GO]

i probably hear the following at least once each day.

agencies, best practice, capacity, capacity building, conditionality, core value, engagement, evidence base, facilitate, framework, governance, guidelines, initiative, joined up, outcomes, output, partnerships, priority, resource allocation,stakeholder,strategic/overarching, sustainable,third sector,transparency, value-added, vision

mind you, we don't communicate with the 'public' all that often

Jazes thats rough.

 

[Corrientes]

we're doing trojan work...puke

 

[oh shit]

'This drastic redefinition of the sovereign function implies a different situation of the state of exception. It no longer appears as the threshold that guarantees the articulation between an inside and an outside, or between anomie and the juridical context, by virtue of a law that is in force in its suspension: it is, rather, a zone of absolute indeterminacy between anomie and law, in which the sphere of creatures and the juridical order are caught up in a single catastrophe.'

so sick of that one.

 

[jane]

i probably hear the following at least once each day.

agencies, best practice, capacity, capacity building, conditionality, core value, engagement, evidence base, facilitate, framework, governance, guidelines, initiative, joined up, outcomes, output, partnerships, priority, resource allocation,stakeholder,strategic/overarching, sustainable,third sector,transparency, value-added, vision

mind you, we don't communicate with the 'public' all that often

I think "best practice" is my least favourite. That and "governance" and maybe "stakeholder". But UGH.

 

[Super Dexta]

players in the ________ game

 

[Jrad (BFB.ie)]

'horizon scanning'
'going forward'

Going forward!!! I fuckin hate that phrase!
I once heard the phrase "future-proofing" at a meeting and got so angry because the cunt didnt even listen to the answer to HIS question! He just wanted to use the phrase.

 

[Jrad (BFB.ie)]

"Print out that email with extreme prejudice."

"Let's have a naked meeting."

"Let's have a naked meeting with extreme prejudice."

The horror!

 

[La La]

(yelling): 'Lauren, can you come here please???!!!!!!!????'

 

[Wilbert]

the one I hate is "What do you think, Wil?" as I usually hear it cutting through my daydream fog and I have no idea what lead up to it.

 

[Moods For Mallards]

Maybe it's you internet slackers that have the problem, not your more dynamic co-office users. Ever think of that, you sneering rats?

 

[krystal]

I don't mind bollixey work-speak; it's the office politics I can't handle.

 

[Jerry Twig]

"perform a gap analysis" (ha ha ha)

your gee is massive

 

[broken arm]

the one I hate is "What do you think, Wil?" as I usually hear it cutting through my daydream fog and I have no idea what lead up to it.

i had that happen yesterday during a one to one meeting.

 

[Wilbert]

i had that happen yesterday during a one to one meeting.

During a one-to-one? That's impressive!

 

[magicbastarder]

the place i work is relatively free of that sort of generic jargon, but the amount of company propaganda is beyond funny.

they once got a large teddy, one of those ones with 'from me to you' on his foot, stuck a t-shirt on him saying 'customer conor', and we (non-customer facing employees) were urged to bring him into meetings and stick him on a chair in the corner to remind us that our ultimate goal was pleasing the customer.

 

[David Kronenbourg]

Some of my favourites:

"You've got to think outside the box"
"let's touch base"
"Are you drunk?"
"That's actually sexual harrasment you know"
"Geoff, call security"

 

[Vinnie]

"Let's insert an inverted russian rubix cubes matrix into this solution void"

Grrrrrrrr

 

[classic seanc]

Everything in my work involves a matrix of some sort.