Office-Speak phrases you hate (3 Viewers)

[Squiggle]

"This appears to be in breach of the regulations, please explain"

So far my campaign to have this changed to "You bastards have breached the regulations AGAIN, please beat yourself over the head with a stick until you pass out or we tell you to stop" is unsuccessful.

 

[platters]

This thread is spiralling out of control so lets draw a line under it

 

[pete]

€

OMG, I feel like such a fool.

Alt-F4

 

[GO]

€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€ YahoO!1

 

[mr pharmacist!!!!1]

"the photos from last thursdays night out are up on bebo in the folder marked RANDOM!"

 

[classic seanc]

Alt-F4

I've been bested.

 

[Scientician 0.8]

In my last place of work, around the end of last year, the word "caveat" began to be used frequently.
It started off with one, or perhaps two, people using it in meetings.
Next thing it was everywhere.

"Billy... would you like a coffee?"
"Sure"
"I'll have to put a caveat on that coffee - we've run out of milk"
"That's fine".

I think caveat means something to do with a warning. But it didn't really matter.

Jaysus, they're dopes. Caveat Emptor when using complex terminology.

 

[classic seanc]

Apparently the guy across the way once put a "splurge" of something into a document he was writing.

 

[ernesto]

Apparently the guy across the way once put a "splurge" of something into a document he was writing.

was he wearing goggles??

 

[sealed human]

Yes but are any of you managing your colleagues expectations in view of these crimes against the English language?

 

[sealed human]

And before I escape the place for the weekend, here is a gem from my esteemed colleagues, from not 2 minutes ago... Not office speak per se, but idiocy from office workers so it half fits

Guy: "I'm going to a fancy dress birthday party tomorrow, Ive narrowed it down to either Michael Caine or Marcel Marceau"

Girl: "Oh who's that? the black guy from Pulp Fiction??"

There are no words...

 

[Froog]

"let's flesh that out."

 

[Corey]

"let's flesh that out."

'Lets Chop it up'

'Lets Touch base'


There's somthing about these phrases that sounds less like office speak and more like a loved-up serial killer in a good mood.

 

[Froog]

"let's disembowel that"

 

[Pedronimus]

A mate of mine was in a conference call with an American who excused himself to go for a 'bio-break'. I think it means going for a crap.

 

[broken arm]

wake up

 

[mr pharmacist!!!!1]

"are these yours"

pointing to a pile of my nail clippings left on top of a team leaders folder.

 

[Jerry Twig]

'bi-lats' for a conversation between two people.
Amazing

 

[Super Dexta]

'bi-lats' for a conversation between two people.
Amazing

we call them one-on-ones.

 

[Pedronimus]

'bi-lats' for a conversation between two people.
Amazing

that's fucking terrible. how did they arrive at bi-lat?