New ManU Thread - hahahahahahaha (1 Viewer)

[Unicron]

The Toni Kroos deal is all but done, claim the tabloids. I will vomit up my own spine if that happens. For a laugh, like.

The figure being quoted seems very low, okay he's only got a year left on his deal but it's less than the much older Van Persie cost.

 

[Hector Grey]

The figure being quoted seems very low, okay he's only got a year left on his deal but it's less than the much older Van Persie cost.

It's a tabloid story thus far. He's going to join Man U because they're the world's biggest team and he just turns out for some German has beens who can't even win the Champions League two years in a row.

United's the place to be for Europe's top players. They don't have the "distraction" of European football next season so they can totally concentrate on have pictures of themselves taken with soy sauce and luxury vehicles. It's a dream come true for the lad. 'Kroos Kontrol', as he scores the fourth goal against Burnley on a Wednesday night. 'Toni The Exotic Dancer' as he pirouettes past Phil Bardsley in a Milk Cup fourth round tie under lights. It's all about the happen for the former nobody from Munchkin.

 

[7 - No tomorrow]

Leave the man alone

David Moyes investigated by police over alleged bar assault | Football | theguardian.com

 

[oh shit]

van Gaal doesn't want Kroos, apparently

 

[Hector Grey]

van Gaal doesn't want Kroos, apparently

Does he not read the fucking tabloids? PR disaster. Moyes would have at least sent some fake lawyers and later denied it.

 

[Hector Grey]

I'd reckon United are eight players short of becoming genuine title contenders. And the only reason Michael Carrick isn't revered like Gerrard is, is because Michael Carrick is shit.

 

[7 - No tomorrow]

Scholes says Rooney has peaked

Scholes suggests Rooney may have peaked and aims blast at Woodward | Football | theguardian.com

And they use a photo of him picking his nose

Not sure why

 

[Hector Grey]

Scholes says Rooney has peaked

Scholes suggests Rooney may have peaked and aims blast at Woodward | Football | theguardian.com

And they use a photo of him picking his nose

Not sure why

It's to prove that Scholes knows what he's talking about, having extensive experience in picking winners.

 

[washingcattle]

Kroos is a step in the right direction I'd sign Luis Gustavo as well, big strong, good pace, massive engine can get box to box for 90 minutes. Basically the player United haven't had since Keane and still don't.

When you look at it Carrick Fellani, Mata, Fletcher, Kagawa, Cleverly and Kroos No pace between any of them, no one there will pick up the ball and drive them forward either or really bust a gut to get into the box they're a bit lumbering. When you look at the teams above them you've got Henderson, Sterling, Toure, Barkley, Ramires, Hazard, Willian, Who all drive at defences from the centre of midfield. United have nothing in that department.

 

[Hector Grey]

AH, HERE. Now Thomas Muller is refusing to sign for The World's Greatest Club (tm). Apparently he doesn't want to play for Principal Van Gaal at Theatre of Dreams comprehensive. It's like he wants to win the fucking league, or something, the cunt.

 

[Lefty Frizzell]

Now they're trying to offload Fellaini for 15 mill. Good luck with that. Max Clifford has had a better last 12 months than Marouane.

 

[Hector Grey]

AH, HERE. Now Luke Shaw is considering his options. Greatest Club On Earth (tm). Lads.

 

[Hector Grey]

Man United target Schweinsteiger. I mean, come on, who writes this stuff.

 

[washingcattle]

Man United target Schweinsteiger. I mean, come on, who writes this stuff.

Seriously we should just start a football magazine between the few of us who post in this sub forum. The secret seem to be to make the rumour just about believable enough to pass for genuine.

I'll start

Everton Boss Roberto Martinez expresses an interest in signing Michu and Miroslav Klose.

While still working on a loan deal for Jack Rodwell and a permanent deal for Gareth Barry, Martinez has also been working hard behind the scenes to sign Michu from Swansea. The unsettled spaniard is thought to be worth around £15 million. In a strange move Everton have also been linked with 35 year old Klose who is currently at Lazio. Martinez has been tight lipped on the subject which suggests that a deal may be close.

 

[Hector Grey]

Man United chief equaliser Edward Woodward is confident MUFC will land their major transfer targets Messi, Pele, Rembrandt and Shergar. Woodward went on to say that Patrice Evra's contract extension is "like a new signing, albeit a shit, over the hill one, that comes with a cargo deck of baggage." United hope to consolidate their Premier League status and are confident that, if invited, they stand a very good chance of landing the Emirates Cup. "It's the one trophy this mighty club has yet to win," blubbed Woodward.

 

[washingcattle]

Ally McCoist to meet with Celtic chairman. McCoist is quoted as saying

"Ahm ganna ran dem cyunts intah de fuckin grooond"

 

[Cormcolash]

United sign Fat Ronaldo, bringing him out of retirement for 'just one last job'

 

[Hector Grey]

When new signing Shergar was asked if playing for The World's Greatest Club (tm) was in anyway daunting, he replied "Neigh." Principal Van Gaal added, "People call Shery a flat track bully, but there's more to him than that. He's the glue that holds this team together."

 

[Lefty Frizzell]

A top, top tv show.

 

[Hector Grey]

A top, top tv show.

What the fuck, man? Gotta do better. You're in the Man United thread now. The Greatest Thread In The World (tm).