IFF
Well-Known Member
Doctor's Visit
Day 1:
It was July 2004 when i found something horrible. I had found a lump, a lump on my genitals. This was serious. Was it cancer? Was i going to die? Or would i beat it like the great Lance Armstrong. Personally i had never cared for him before this. I had thought of him like a probably drug cheat but at that moment, i suddenly felt connected to him. A shining inspiration to people scared of the cancer eating them away. This was horrifying. I suddenly found myself cheering him on.
Day 2:
Somehow i had to get up the courage to make an appointment with the doctor. Wishing it away wouldn't make it so, even if i did wish very hard. Damnit, god doesn't answer ones prayers. I was in the peak of my life. 20 years old, going into my final year of college 2 months later and now this, this cancer. Terrifying, unbelievable, scary. Words were of a loss to me. What could i do? Apart from visiting the doctor and get it confirmed that i was dying
Day 3:
I was in pain, every foot step that i took was agony. I felt my genitals being thew saource. The lump was the source. I had to make the appointment. I had to do it soon or there would be no more to me. How could one willingly go to accept their own death sentence. Maybe it's not so bad. Sure in hospital, i would get plenty of time to catch up on my hearing. I recently had bought 100 years of solitude by gabriel garcia marquez and as it was the one hundreth anniversary of the day of bloomsday, i had bought James Joyce's Ullysees. I could get to read them while i waited to die.
Day 4:
Or maybe i might recover, take some epo and win the tour de france. Who know's what? Apart from the fact that i'm not in anyway competent in cycling, anythings possible. Ok i need to concentrate, hell what's the worse thing? Atleast i would know for sure that i had testicular cancer.
Day 5:
The lump is there when i go to the tiolet. I still hadn't it checked out. I really should have. I told my mother about. She is worried but she hasn't insisted on going to the doctor. I thought she would have.
Day 6:
I am in a pub with friends. We are discussing stuff as usually. A friend turns to me. He wonders if i'm going to the nightclub after this. I said no because i'm not feeling too well. I tell him that i should really go to a doctor. Though maybe i should go to the nightclub. Afterall these moments will be far between once i go to the doctor. He wonders if it's an STD. I am certain it is not an std. You need to have sexual relations before you can get one of those i think
Day 7: Still the lump down there. Still no recovery in sign. Still need to make an appointment with the doctor. Still in agony. Why am i so stupid for leaving this untreated for a week. What an idiot i am. Surely it's better to know then all this worry. It is sunday, i resolve to make doctors appointment for the following week. Armstrong wins the tour convincingly, this gives me hope for the future that everything will be ok. Although he is probably a drug cheat. It will be ok, won't it?
Day 8: I finally make the appointment with the doctor. What on earth took me so long. It is for this afternoon. How long do you think i still have? Months, Weeks, days, years, centuries, seconds?
I arrive at the doctor's office. It is coming up to appointment time. Finally the nurse calls me back. “Philip, Dr. Smith”
Dr Smith: “So Philip,what is the problem?”
Philip “I found a lump on my left testicle”
“ok, take off your trousers and toggs and lie on the table”
The doctor examines me, when the examination is over,
Philip “so doctor, whats wrong? When am i going to die?”
The doctor busts out in laughter at the going to die bit. Is my life worth so little. Is my life a laughing matter? Finally he soothes the laughter and tells me.
“the reason for the lump is that you're not having sex and you're not masturbating enough. It is blocked up sperm. Philip, you need to jerk off some more and maybe have a one night stand or something. That'll clear up the blockage. Though remember condoms”
“cheers”
I never took his advice about the one night stands
---------------
partially based on reality, partially on fiction. guess which parts?
Day 1:
It was July 2004 when i found something horrible. I had found a lump, a lump on my genitals. This was serious. Was it cancer? Was i going to die? Or would i beat it like the great Lance Armstrong. Personally i had never cared for him before this. I had thought of him like a probably drug cheat but at that moment, i suddenly felt connected to him. A shining inspiration to people scared of the cancer eating them away. This was horrifying. I suddenly found myself cheering him on.
Day 2:
Somehow i had to get up the courage to make an appointment with the doctor. Wishing it away wouldn't make it so, even if i did wish very hard. Damnit, god doesn't answer ones prayers. I was in the peak of my life. 20 years old, going into my final year of college 2 months later and now this, this cancer. Terrifying, unbelievable, scary. Words were of a loss to me. What could i do? Apart from visiting the doctor and get it confirmed that i was dying
Day 3:
I was in pain, every foot step that i took was agony. I felt my genitals being thew saource. The lump was the source. I had to make the appointment. I had to do it soon or there would be no more to me. How could one willingly go to accept their own death sentence. Maybe it's not so bad. Sure in hospital, i would get plenty of time to catch up on my hearing. I recently had bought 100 years of solitude by gabriel garcia marquez and as it was the one hundreth anniversary of the day of bloomsday, i had bought James Joyce's Ullysees. I could get to read them while i waited to die.
Day 4:
Or maybe i might recover, take some epo and win the tour de france. Who know's what? Apart from the fact that i'm not in anyway competent in cycling, anythings possible. Ok i need to concentrate, hell what's the worse thing? Atleast i would know for sure that i had testicular cancer.
Day 5:
The lump is there when i go to the tiolet. I still hadn't it checked out. I really should have. I told my mother about. She is worried but she hasn't insisted on going to the doctor. I thought she would have.
Day 6:
I am in a pub with friends. We are discussing stuff as usually. A friend turns to me. He wonders if i'm going to the nightclub after this. I said no because i'm not feeling too well. I tell him that i should really go to a doctor. Though maybe i should go to the nightclub. Afterall these moments will be far between once i go to the doctor. He wonders if it's an STD. I am certain it is not an std. You need to have sexual relations before you can get one of those i think
Day 7: Still the lump down there. Still no recovery in sign. Still need to make an appointment with the doctor. Still in agony. Why am i so stupid for leaving this untreated for a week. What an idiot i am. Surely it's better to know then all this worry. It is sunday, i resolve to make doctors appointment for the following week. Armstrong wins the tour convincingly, this gives me hope for the future that everything will be ok. Although he is probably a drug cheat. It will be ok, won't it?
Day 8: I finally make the appointment with the doctor. What on earth took me so long. It is for this afternoon. How long do you think i still have? Months, Weeks, days, years, centuries, seconds?
I arrive at the doctor's office. It is coming up to appointment time. Finally the nurse calls me back. “Philip, Dr. Smith”
Dr Smith: “So Philip,what is the problem?”
Philip “I found a lump on my left testicle”
“ok, take off your trousers and toggs and lie on the table”
The doctor examines me, when the examination is over,
Philip “so doctor, whats wrong? When am i going to die?”
The doctor busts out in laughter at the going to die bit. Is my life worth so little. Is my life a laughing matter? Finally he soothes the laughter and tells me.
“the reason for the lump is that you're not having sex and you're not masturbating enough. It is blocked up sperm. Philip, you need to jerk off some more and maybe have a one night stand or something. That'll clear up the blockage. Though remember condoms”
“cheers”
I never took his advice about the one night stands
---------------
partially based on reality, partially on fiction. guess which parts?
