Tell me a joke thread (1 Viewer)

[seanc]

Why do boxers never have sex the night before a fight?

Because they don't like each other that much.

 

[pete]

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[seanc]

Not really a joke, more a template.

But a European friend, who has lived here for decades, and her English is extremely good, she just realised that what she wanted to say was "self-deprecating". She is fond of the phrase, and fairplay to her.


But for two decades, she has been saying "self-defecating".
In job interviews, blind dates etc.

A similar thing:
I was speaking to a Romanian there, who was telling us about a not great relationship she was in.
Nothing shocking, but when he umphed about her not doing the dishes or being late, or whatever she'd say:

"C'mon, it's not like it's a big deal though"

When they eventually broke up and later talked it out, they both realised that with her accent, he genuinely thought she was saying in all those petty arguments, for all of the relationship:

"C'mon, it's not like it's a big dildo".

 

[seanc]

Not a joke, a post about general humour:

It's has been serialised around the world it seems: That Last One Laughing thing.
If you don't know, it's 10 comedians locked in a room, Big Brother Style, but only for six hours. The goal is to make each other laugh, but if you laugh, you're evicted.

We watched the UK one and we were quite entertained.
So housemate decided himself to watch the Irish version. To my surprise I actually knew five of the contestants. I didn't see it as he gave up when he couldn't get past Graham Norton presenting.

Shall we chuck on the Canadian version he said? I said, well I probably won't know any Canadian comedian from the last 25 years. If there's not Colin Mochrie, I'm not interested. And well fuck, there's Colin Mochrie. I was aware of four or five of the others.
Not disappointed. The final few minutes is a masterclass.

They're not really jokes only. There's physical comedy etc.

 

[Cormcolash]

Can't imagine Colin Mochrie not absolutely destroying all the rest of them at that

 

[Cormcolash]

Colin Mochrie vs Bob Mortimer, that'd be a good match up. Mochrie would win though.

 

[dudley]

Meats and cheeses,
always pleases.

 

[seanc]

gaaaah, you fucker!

I had equally good laffs in the pub there, but that is almost impossible to translate to television.

 

[kavanelli]

Bob's final joke about walking through the graveyard is so good.

 

[pete]

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[pete]

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[pete]

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