Internet Doctoring (1 Viewer)

[jane]

So I always google my symptoms, which is always a bad idea because I have had everything there is to have, including cancer of organs that are not even part of my own anatomy. The floods have stoked my terrible fear of Weil's Disease, which doesn't help.

But anyway, my pulse has been racing all day and I'm starting to worry a little about it because I'm now kind of...uh....shaking. I've had an utterly atrocious week, but I was fine yesterday, and today was not perceptibly any worse.

I can't do deep breathing and I won't take meds because they fuck me up worse, so I was wondering what I could do, and I googled it and came up with these tips.

* Pinching your nose and blowing.
* Coughing and gagging.
* Plunging your face in a bowl of ice water for several seconds.
* Squatting low, tensing up and straining your body as if you're trying to lay an egg.
* Contracting your abdominal muscles and "straining" like you are trying to move your bowels.

I guess they'll just distract me by making me look and feel like an asshole. Also, I might produce the ingredients for a cigar-coloured omlette.

 

[oh shit]

right... but do you have a question for the board?

 

[jane]

Um, I assumed it was implied, but thanks for always policing my posts so thoughtfully.

 

[Denny Oubidoux]

tell me, have you tried the suggestions that the internet has already suggested - the pinching and straining etc?

 

[jane]

tell me, have you tried the suggestions that the internet has already suggested - the pinching and straining etc?

Would you like some of my omlette? I made it just now while my face was being repeatedly shoved into bowls of ice. It's amazing. You can really taste the shit.

 

[Denny Oubidoux]

dont be disgusting

 

[Froog]

my dentist told me not to smoke after an extrcation recently, he said i might get "dry sockets". i stupidly looked it up and lived in fear for the next week.

"Someone should work on something because WOW! Incredible pain. You can only treat the symptoms -like incredible pain in jaw, ear and mouth with pain killers, antibiotics, and steroids. Yes, steroids. Read on.
I had my wisdom teeth out almost 3 weeks ago and I am just now recovering from a dry socket. I am 30. Female. I am on birth control which is said to sometimes cause dry socket.
Here is what I learned from the experience. Pain killers, if taken long enough, start to lose their effect. So don't worry - you are not getting worse. You need a different prescription."

 

[Anarcho Munk]

Beat up some kid (not me) and steal his inhalers.

I would recomend the never out of season and ever classy Bricanyl Turbohaler, it has a nice turgid chalky flavour to it and comes in a new fashionable container. It is the inter-planetary staple diet of any ultra-cool lethargic and wheezing asthmatic.

May help the breathing problem.

 

[classic seanc]

Froog, give jane your cigarettes.

 

[oh shit]

Um, I assumed it was implied, but thanks for always policing my posts so thoughtfully.

always policing your posts?! my diagnosis is paranoia. there is no known cure.

 

[Froog]

i had a lump of coal stuck up my ass recently and the internet told me to play online poker and comment on youtube videos of celebrities vomiting. the coal slid out, just as lindsay lohan was blowing chunks and i had a pair of kings.

 

[Corey]

So I always google my symptoms, which is always a bad idea because I have had everything there is to have, including cancer of organs that are not even part of my own anatomy. The floods have stoked my terrible fear of Weil's Disease, which doesn't help.

But anyway, my pulse has been racing all day and I'm starting to worry a little about it because I'm now kind of...uh....shaking. I've had an utterly atrocious week, but I was fine yesterday, and today was not perceptibly any worse.

I can't do deep breathing and I won't take meds because they fuck me up worse, so I was wondering what I could do, and I googled it and came up with these tips.



I guess they'll just distract me by making me look and feel like an asshole. Also, I might produce the ingredients for a cigar-coloured omlette.

No.

No, No, No.

It's adrenaline. Adrenaline does'nt need a reason. Stop worrying or you'll make it worse.

 

[Denny Oubidoux]

kegel excercises might help with the bowel control. if the jogging goes well im going to take them up next

 

[Umfufu]

Why, in fuck's name, would you ask us for advice instead of going to a G.P.?

GO TO A FUCKING G.P.

 

[Squiggle]

It's adrenaline. Adrenaline does'nt need a reason. Stop worrying or you'll make it worse.

This definitely sounds like the most likely answer. Try some relaxation, yoga or breathing exercises might help too.

Oh, and put the meanies on ignore

 

[7 - No tomorrow]

Also, I might produce the ingredients for a cigar-coloured omlette.

Mmm, 1 girl, 2 wound up

 

[rettucs]

googling symptoms can be dangerous. I did it a while ago. Symptoms were 'shortness of breath'. Google told me 'You are having heart failure', but went on to tell me that wasn't necessarily a bad thing.

I figured I should go to the doctor just in case. I had a minor infection in my upper respiratory tract.

fuck you google, you lying fuck

 

[7 - No tomorrow]

googling symptoms can be dangerous. I did it a while ago. Symptoms were 'shortness of breath'. Google told me 'You are having heart failure', but went on to tell me that wasn't necessarily a bad thing.

I figured I should go to the doctor just in case. I had a minor infection in my upper respiratory tract.

fuck you google, you lying fuck

Most of the sites are usually about some condition or other so they're trying to be as detailed as possible in possible symptoms, with a view to linking them to a specific complaint.

There should be a site that tells people they're fine.
"Shortness of breath?
Sure it's probably nothing, you'll be grand."

 

[Squiggle]

Read this, guaranteed to make you laugh, which is guaranteed to make you feel better.

 

[billygannon]

A couple of years ago I went to the GP after suffering from what I thought was food poisoning.

During the appointment he actually turned to his PC, went on to Google and did a search on my symptoms.

Turns out they had no idea what I had. All I know is don't drink four to five gourds of maté in an hour.