hector & happy, part 4 (1 Viewer)

[Ex-User (252)]

happy says:
hey, sorry about last night man

happy says:
<some emoticon>

happy says:
just got in, slept thru me alarm

happy says:
<some emoticon>

happy says:
dirty looks from the man but they don't know i was bearing my soul last night... so fuck 'em

turn the lights on, someone is trying to ride me says:
bearing your sould to who?

happy says:
you guys, i played for you guys

turn the lights on, someone is trying to ride me says:
the energy man, i havn't felt like that since....

turn the lights on, someone is trying to ride me says:
since.....

turn the lights on, someone is trying to ride me says:
ray houtons goal against the english

happy says:
thanks, that makes me feel so .... validated.

turn the lights on, someone is trying to ride me says:
feel it man. that's the love...

happy says:
get your stinkin' football outa my face you gipsy punk motherfucker

happy says:
you know how i feel about it

happy says:
such gratitude

turn the lights on, someone is trying to ride me says:
but you know how i feel about it

turn the lights on, someone is trying to ride me says:
eh?

turn the lights on, someone is trying to ride me says:
the accolades, man

happy says:
i know how you feel about it, you know how i feel about it. be a man.

turn the lights on, someone is trying to ride me says:
lets just leave this one over here, eh?

turn the lights on, someone is trying to ride me says:
over here in the ignore corner

happy says:
suits me fine

happy says:
thanks for being so understanding ... so unlike your usual football fan

turn the lights on, someone is trying to ride me says:
anything for a buddy

happy says:
thanks man

turn the lights on, someone is trying to ride me says:
<some emoticon>

Roger Me Thus says:
partee tonight

Roger Me Thus says:
i need a nap first...

Roger Me Thus says:
plus i have to get up in the morning an go to galway....

happy says:
a ha ha ha ha

happy says:
baby girl

Roger Me Thus says:
eat my cock

happy says:
what cock?

happy says:
oh that wee thingy

happy says:
you'll have to give me a hand...

Roger Me Thus says:
i killed a man with 'that wee thing'

Roger Me Thus says:
so watch it

happy says:
a ha ha ha

happy says:
a mouse man?

happy says:
a ha ha ha ha

Roger Me Thus says:
i fucked a man in reno...just to watch him cry

Roger Me Thus says:
dya ever have sex with a man, hag?

happy says:
what qualifies as sex?

Roger Me Thus says:
well, cock?

happy says:
cock where?

Roger Me Thus says:
anywhere

happy says:
maybe

happy says:
why?

Roger Me Thus says:
some emoticon

happy says:
hee hee

Roger Me Thus says:
ah, jus' wonnering like

happy says:
you gotta try everythin once me thinks

Roger Me Thus says:
exactly

happy says:
how bout you?

Roger Me Thus says:
a birra this, a birra that

Roger Me Thus says:
i've danced the dance...

Roger Me Thus says:
it was embarrasing when i discovered i had the biggest cock in the room

happy says:
the crazy brown dance?

Roger Me Thus says:
the 'lads' got scared

happy says:
a ha ha ha

happy says:
some lads, eh?

Roger Me Thus says:
don't put that near me.. they was crying, in tears

Roger Me Thus says:
i gave them the glassy stare

Roger Me Thus says:
you'll fucking take, i says, it'll make you a man

Roger Me Thus says:
i've made manys the man

happy says:
wanna try makin me a man dip, huh? you wanna?

Roger Me Thus says:
you're all man

Roger Me Thus says:
i can smell it off ye

happy says:
but how do you know for sure?

happy says:
if i'm enough of a man or not?

Roger Me Thus says:
you have gay ears

happy says:
can you take the risk?

happy says:
i wouldn't give up my ears for all the gee in china, they do things for me

Roger Me Thus says:
you could be big enough to take me on, alright, i'll give you that

happy says:
what? i want you to 'teach me a lesson i'll never forget'

Roger Me Thus says:
you might forget, tho

Roger Me Thus says:
when i fuck you into a coma

happy says:
you're all tlak dip

happy says:
when it came to it, i bet you'd cry like a girly babay

Roger Me Thus says:
i cry with love

Roger Me Thus says:
i've loved every man i fucked...

Roger Me Thus says:
given all of myself to them at the point of climax

Roger Me Thus says:
the little death lends me something of it life

Roger Me Thus says:
teh little death is the explosion of life... think about it... but up a jacksy.. where's the life?

happy says:
the life is there, there's life everywhere. you just can't see it because you're blinded by biggotry

happy says:
just like everyone else dip.

Roger Me Thus says:
i'm saying the life in me jip

Roger Me Thus says:
is useless up the chocolate highway

happy says:
there's no life in your jip dip. none in your jip dip.

happy says:
if you could only open your eyes, the chocolate highway is the most fertile place you could ever imagine.

happy says:
like, beyond your wildest dreams and shit.

Roger Me Thus says:
i'll make you man pregnant...

happy says:
sure thing, you're all talk.

Roger Me Thus says:
look who's talking talky mactalk

happy says:
good comeback, fuckwit

Roger Me Thus says:
wasn't it, buh

happy says:
totally devastating

happy says:
you leanred me, wha!

happy says:
you go to tbmc last night?

Roger Me Thus says:
dint i buh

Roger Me Thus says:
dint i put you in your lonley place

Roger Me Thus says:
yes. yes i did

Roger Me Thus says:
arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh

Roger Me Thus says:
i just wanted to see pip dance again

happy says:
did he, did he do it? i was impressed by his slinky moves.

Roger Me Thus says:
i can't remember... i don't think so

Roger Me Thus says:
he's some mover buh

happy says:
i liked when he danced northern soul style to daemien frost, it's seemed strangely right or something...

Roger Me Thus says:
it was captivating, that's for sure

happy says:
yes, strangely captivating

happy says:
<some emoticon>

happy says:
he hee hee

Roger Me Thus says:
it was funnier when he did for playground pshycotic

Roger Me Thus says:
the looks the punks were giving him

Roger Me Thus says:
the look yer one on the gee-tar was giving him... she nearly fainted

happy says:
ha ha ha

Roger Me Thus says:
fucking hell..put your shirt on

Roger Me Thus says:
i am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Roger Me Thus says:
hungry

happy says:
me too

happy says:
just got given out to for coming in late today

happy says:
<some emoticon>

Roger Me Thus says:
tut tut

Roger Me Thus says:
where did you go last night?

happy says:
i told them i was in club GZ shakin my booty but they just looked at me like i'm mad or something...

happy says:
started askin me 'where is this club GZ' and 'what has that got to do with your work here' ... all kinds of crazy shit.

happy says:
i just took out me spliff, sparked up, passed it around a within 5 minutes, everyone was as chilled out as say ... david kitt or someone who's really chilled out

Roger Me Thus says:
maybe you won't get that rise now

Roger Me Thus says:
get pip to dance for them...

happy says:
i think that could make it worse...

happy says:
they might think i'm really talking the piss if i bring someone in to dance for them.... you think?

Roger Me Thus says:
but he has a calming influence

Roger Me Thus says:
tell them he's jesus

happy says:
pip? calming?

happy says:
we talkin bout the same guy?

happy says:
he makes me want to run around screaming!

happy says:
dancing and screaming

happy says:
and crying

happy says:
and laughing

happy says:
and frigging

Roger Me Thus says:
well, mesmerising then

happy says:
yes, mesmerising is much better

happy says:
i think you might fancy pip

happy says:
pip and dip, together again for the very first time ... since the last time, wha! BUH!!!

Roger Me Thus says:
yeah?

Roger Me Thus says:
jealous?

happy says:
might be...

 

[sparse]

You should take this to radio, it would be bigger than Harbour Hotel, it would be like the kids harbour hotel, it could go on 2fm after Larry Gogan.

 

[Ex-User (252)]

Roger Me Thus says:
there's hag

Roger Me Thus says:
how are you

happy says:
there's dip

happy says:
i'm fine ... like real fine. and you?

Roger Me Thus says:
getting better all the time

happy says:
hey, how'd you lose your virginity?

happy says:
they was talkin about it on the radio this morning, how dip lost his...

happy says:
i wanted to hear it from the horse's gob

Roger Me Thus says:
well...

Roger Me Thus says:
i ahd sex with a girl for the first time

Roger Me Thus says:
that seemed to do the trick

happy says:
jesus! as easy as that ... as you ... as that!

happy says:
so what was it like?

happy says:
the sex?

happy says:
was it the best you've ever had? and who was it with?

Roger Me Thus says:
i don't really recall

Roger Me Thus says:
it certainly wasn't teh best i've ever had

Roger Me Thus says:
but you could tell, even at that early stage, i had a real 'technique'

happy says:
tell me about it, your technique, for i have none and am eager to learn.

happy says:
like, i'll *do* *anything*.

Roger Me Thus says:
women are a lot like dictionarys...

Roger Me Thus says:
except with nipples and legs and stuff

happy says:
well, i have what i think qualifies as a technique but i'm not sure so tell me yours and i'll tell you mine

happy says:
and...

happy says:
how are the like dictionaries?

happy says:
full of useless information?

happy says:
ha ha ha ha ha!

Roger Me Thus says:
well....

happy says:
LOL!

Roger Me Thus says:
every word has about 3 meanings...

happy says:
oh, not so funny

happy says:
come on dip, tell me about the technique

Roger Me Thus says:
dictionaries are full of wonderful information

Roger Me Thus says:
you should read one...

Roger Me Thus says:
turns out the zebra did it...

Roger Me Thus says:
anyway.... technique...

happy says:
if i wanted a pile of useless metaphores, i would have asked simon o'connor what day it is or something...

Roger Me Thus says:
Gayday or Fopday

happy says:
you fucker! the technique! tell me!

Roger Me Thus says:
oh yeah... well, you creep up real quiet...

happy says:
does she know you're there like? is it supposed to be a surprise?

happy says:
like does she even know you?

happy says:
i think this might explain why you get into all that trouble...

Roger Me Thus says:
trouble is my middle name

happy says:
look, cut the shit. i want your technique in 5 easy stps, then i tell you mine.

Roger Me Thus says:
first one must woo the lady with a selction of fine wines and the winsome poetry of shelly or byron

happy says:
shoot

happy says:
oh crap, you're not going to be funny, are you?

Roger Me Thus says:
on must be attentive at all times. you will find that listening is the ultimate aphrodisiac

happy says:
i'm listening

happy says:
hee hee hee

Roger Me Thus says:
nod and murmur while they yap yap yap at ye

happy says:
i dig

Roger Me Thus says:
plus test show that women are more likey to sleep with a man that makes them laugh

Roger Me Thus says:
so show them your ears

Roger Me Thus says:
after much listening....or an approximation thereof, you must look myopicly into the middle distance

Roger Me Thus says:
for the purposes of this exercise the middel distance will be nowhere particularly and not Syria as previously thought..

happy says:
what's all this about my ears? my ears get me more sex than you've ever seen!

happy says:
ha, i see what you did there...

Roger Me Thus says:
when the object of your desires enquires what you are so pensive about, shake you head and smile, smile as a sphinx would, and say, i'd...

Roger Me Thus says:
let that trail off...

happy says:
nice, you're a pro, i see that now.

happy says:
is this why you're always happy an' shit? coz you get laid so much?

Roger Me Thus says:
and then the maiden will be left on the precipice of tittilation, wondering what it is you ould be so earnest about...

happy says:
the lotto numbers?

Roger Me Thus says:
you say: i was thinking of kissing you, but it would imprudish of me. yet, i fear that i cannot stay here and gaze at you any more, lest i fall victim to mine own desires...

happy says:
mr darcy!

happy says:
sir! i must implore you to let go of my nippleatudes!

Roger Me Thus says:
and rather than have you depart from their reverie, they will permit you but one kiss..

Roger Me Thus says:
whereupon you may pany the mereest trace of you puckered lips opon hers

Roger Me Thus says:
the MERESt trace. then sigh, gazing downwards...

happy says:
fuck dip, where do you work, you're giving me the horn.

happy says:
i need some sweet lovin.

happy says:
sorry, forgive me, do continue.

happy says:
and what do you say then? after you gaze downwards?

happy says:
any chance of a bleedin roide like?

happy says:
is that waht you say?

Roger Me Thus says:
you say nothing....

Roger Me Thus says:
you hold her hand in yours and tace the ghostly prfile of her knuckles with your fingertips...

Roger Me Thus says:
perhaps turn the hand palm up, traverse the terrain of her microcosmic body, the mapless land that joins heart to soul...

happy says:
jesus, i think i'm gonna cum...

Roger Me Thus says:
comment perhaps on the sensous curvature of her palm, as it meets her wrist, the elegant poise of her fingers, the soft yeild of her arms, the cool breeze and aroma of her body..

Roger Me Thus says:
words are useless at this juncture. the evening air around you, the smell of the blossom on the wind, each breath bated, the very essence of the night, bated also.

happy says:
and yer mickey wha? pretty bated at this stage too, wha!

happy says:
sorry...

Roger Me Thus says:
small gulps of air, caught in the troath, the elemental alacrity with with you need each other now...

Roger Me Thus says:
desire is a yawning chasm, wherein lie the grotesque of fear and envy...

Roger Me Thus says:
you must leave her then precipiced at it apature...

Roger Me Thus says:
later that same evening, she will seek you out...

Roger Me Thus says:
and abandon her self to the primality of immiediacy

Roger Me Thus says:
ye with me?

Roger Me Thus says:
and if that dosn't work, just bang a few rohypnol into her campari

happy says:
aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, there it goes.

happy says:
nice one

Roger Me Thus says:
you sated?

happy says:
yeah, see, i'd kinda need to like her as a person to go through all that shit so the campari sounds good

Roger Me Thus says:
they're all good, hag, all good

happy says:
so, you wanna hear mine? like this assumes i like the girl, i have a regular one too.

Roger Me Thus says:
nice one

happy says:
okay, here goes...

 

[snakybus]

Haven't laughed som much since Conor's muppets.

Does Happy get aural sex? nifty.

 

[snap-apple]

Originally posted by snakybus
Haven't laughed so much since Conor's muppets.

...matron!

 

[Ex-User (252)]

happy says:
step 1. she's gotta have brown eyes, i can't go through with it if she don't. right, so she has brown eyes. also, i'm assuming you have the wherewithall to find yourself sitting beside her and able to talk.

Roger Me Thus says:
booze will do that

happy says:
you gently let the palms of you hands slide from the top of her head down to her ears, very gently and very softly. you then form 2 fists out of your hand and hit her in the ears as hard as you can...

happy says:
BAM!

Roger Me Thus says:
<some emoticon>

happy says:
real quick, and make sure no one sees you.

Roger Me Thus says:
i like your style

happy says:
this will daze her momentarily, she won't realise what's happened, she'll never imagine that you could have done it since you're 'such a nice guy'.

happy says:
she'll be disorientated enough that you can pick her up and carry her into the nearest vacant bedroom, this obviously works best at a house party for various reasons.

Roger Me Thus says:
lavlee

happy says:
so, you lay her down on the bed saying things like 'you've come over all funny' and 'are you okay, can i get you anything'...

happy says:
if she asks you for anything just completely ignore her and if she asks you again, say she never asked you in the first place. keep doing this for a while so she'll believe she can't trust herself to recall anything correctly. this will prove handy if the police get involved at a later date.

happy says:
if you do it right, they won't.

Roger Me Thus says:
does this work for you?

happy says:
let me finish.

happy says:
so, she's there on the bed, clothes all ruffled so you can maybe see some bra or panties and she doesn't trust herself and she's dazed. so, you pick your moment, jump up on the bed really quickly and kick her in the face but you must sit down really quickly again so she doesn't realise what's happened.

happy says:
again with the 'are you okay' etc...

happy says:
she'll start getting a bit freaked at this stage so now is the time to get the water, locking the door behind you.

happy says:
on your return, she'll think you're the only person in the world she can trust and you've just brought her what's she thinks she's asked for 10 times or something. you're in her good book and you've already betaen a couple of shades of crap out of her.

happy says:
you with me here?

Roger Me Thus says:
uh huh

happy says:
too bad.

happy says:
so, you lie down beside her and turn to face her. start stroking her telling her she got amazing eyes, lovely hait. tell her she really made you laugh earlier when she got her tits out. she obviously didn't but you convince her she did and that it was a really cool and funny thing to do.

Roger Me Thus says:
<some emoticon>

Roger Me Thus says:
go on

happy says:
this will confuse her slightly but you need to convince her that she's someone she isn't basically. tell her it was the coolest thing you've ever seen and that you think everyone else at the party is really boring compared with her and then let out a great big sigh...

happy says:
say it must be around an hour since you've laughed and you were really hoping that this was going to be a fun party...

happy says:
since you've basically been taking care of her for the past hour ... yes, you've guessed it, out come the titties.

Roger Me Thus says:
masterful

Roger Me Thus says:
how often has this worked?

Roger Me Thus says:
nonce?

happy says:
when she's taking her jumper off, like when it's over her head, you need to pinch her really really hard on one of her tits and then lie down again immediately before she knows what's happened

Roger Me Thus says:
<some emoticon>

happy says:
this will 1. give you a chuckle and 2. make her think she's going nuts.

happy says:
you can then point at her by then bruised breast and ask caringly 'what happened?'

happy says:
'is your boyfriend not all that friendly?' etc...

Roger Me Thus says:
i see....

Roger Me Thus says:
no rohypnol?

happy says:
get her to talk about her boyfriend to you... any time you think she's recall a nice moent they've shared, pinch her really hard so she starts to associate him with a sharp stabbing pain... then start talking to her about your plans for the future. these conveniently tie in with her whixh you took note of earlier that evening.

happy says:
you'll notice out of the side of your eyes that she's been staring at you for quite a while... once you've noticed this, start yawning every 3 or 4 minutes.

happy says:
make funny faces when you yawn, she'll think it's 'cute' and she'll start smiling at you

Roger Me Thus says:
are the tits still out?

happy says:
the tits are still out dip, well that's if you've done it right.

Roger Me Thus says:
so why arn't you nipple tweaking or something?

happy says:
then you come out with 'what i wouldn't give for half an hour's kip, it'd sort me out so i could have fun for the rest of the night ... hey, i hope you're staying around, i like you, you're fun to be with...'

happy says:
nipple tweaking?

happy says:
just let me finish, okay?

Roger Me Thus says:
what ever

happy says:
you then start closing your eyes and feign sleep, or falling in and out of same. she'll like you so much at this stage she'll get undressed, undress you and turn the lights out... 'there there haggy, you go for a little sleepsie weepsie and i'll wake you up laters ... then we'll have more fun at the party'...

happy says:
you are, of course, totally awake and you wait for her to fall asleep, she's completely wrecked from the psycologial trama you've just put her through and is asleep within 5 minutes

happy says:
maybe you can guess what's coming now?

Roger Me Thus says:
you have a wank in the jacks?

happy says:
once you hear the heavy breathing, get in and out of there in a heartbeat .. the phrase 'quick dart' is apt here.

happy says:
she might wake up but you are, of course, totally asleep. she'll assume the sensation between her legs is just her being aroused from being in the same bed as you, all naked.

happy says:
she falls back asleep,

happy says:
this time you make it count.

Roger Me Thus says:
you truely are the dandy highway man

happy says:
do the old ear banging trick, this time harder than before, she wakes up all dazed and sleepy, you start messing her hair, sticking your fingers in her eyes, anything that will confuse her or obstruct her vision of you exacting rhodeo on her ass.

happy says:
then, when you're through, just fall away into a sleep. just as your head hits the bed, sit up rubbing your eyes asking 'what the hell is going on? what just happened?'

Roger Me Thus says:
that'll work

happy says:
look at her like you think she's really strange and look kinda nervous

happy says:
she'll think she's crazy and act all concerned and try to set your mind at rest.

happy says:
this is when it's all become a bit 'too much for you to take'.

happy says:
you put on your clothes, tell her it was lovely meeting her and that you hope to hook up again some time.

happy says:
advise her to lose the boyfriend saying 'i'm sure you could do much better if you made the effort'

Roger Me Thus says:
yeah....

Roger Me Thus says:
bravo

happy says:
you then re-join the party and tell your mates.

happy says:
like, i don't understand why some people find it difficult to get laid, it's as easy as that!

happy says:
oh and yeah, hence the term 'nice an' asleep'.

Roger Me Thus says:
nice one

Roger Me Thus says:
beats mine hands down

 

[herv]

i haven't laughed at a customer in months.

then this performance comes along.

 

[sparse]

brilliant, pure genius, I must try that on your ma at her 50th.

 

[snap-apple]

truly, gods among men... i had a strange sensation of deja vu when reading that last bit. creeepy.