Dad jokes (1 Viewer)

[dudley]

Let me have 'em, always on the hunt for new material to annoy my children as much as possible. And to you, I offer this classic:

An anteater walks into a bar, looking sad, pulls up a stool and plops his snout on the bar.

Barman says, "howya, can I get you anything to drink?"
"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!"
"Something to eat?"
"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!"
"Well can I get you anything at all?"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

"Jesus, what's with the long no's?"

"I WAS BORN LIKE THIS!!!!"

 

[pete]

https://www.youtube.com/@yeahmadtv

 

[magicbastarder]

Q: what would you call Arnold Schwarzenegger with only one leg?
A: Arnold Schwarzenegger - why would you change his name if he only had one leg?

 

[Frank Discussions]

Q: what would you call Arnold Schwarzenegger with only one leg?
A: Arnold Schwarzenegger - why would you change his name if he only had one leg?

What do you call an Irish woman with one leg?
Eileen.

 

[dudley]

What do you call her when she loses the other leg?
Noleen

 

[Cormcolash]

https://www.youtube.com/@yeahmadtv

I'll listen to all her jokes

 

[pete]

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[Kermit McDermott]

Alan Shatter has been in the news a lot lately. I didn't know his wife has a lingerie company.
Its called Mary Shatter underwear.


I'll probably be called an anti semite for that.....

 

[therealjohnny]

Someone mentioned 80s/90 TV presenter Carol Smilie (sic) to me in a chat

Then they corrected the spelling "Smillie, not Smilie"

I said "That's one L of a difference"


#honorarydadstatus

 

[therealjohnny]

The still haven't replied

 

[Kermit McDermott]

Do you have to be a dad to post in this thread?

 

[Kermit McDermott]

" ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT? "

"YES. YOU ARE A FAT"

 

[rettucs]

" ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT? "

"YES. YOU ARE A FAT"

I saw him in town one day. True story.

 

[magicbastarder]

i refuse to accept that i fell into that river in egypt.

 

[Jill Hives]

What is it called when an Irish person agrees to a cup a tea on first ask?

Spoiler

Taoiseach

 

[magicbastarder]

does Sean Connery like herbs?
yes, but only partially.

 

[Kermit McDermott]

Who is the least intelligent actress in Hollywood?

Kirsten Dunce

 

[seanc]

Was talking about someone with someone there. He said "apparently he had three brain aneurysm's a while back"

For some reason I said "Aneurysms? I thought they only happen once a year"

And I did strut confidently away.

 

[magicbastarder]

Just got overtaken by a man in an AA van. He was talking to himself and crying his eyes out. I thought, that guys heading for a breakdown