Things your parents told you as a kid (3 Viewers)

[sugar_referee]

Giving me glasses of half milk half water.

My older brother and cousin used to give me a glass of half milk half water and tell me it'd turn me into batman. And, coincidentally, now I cant drink milk OR ensure the safety of Gotham

 

[sweetoblivion]

"Don't you EVER wash your hair in a puddle again!"

After myself and my friend Gill (I coerced her) washed our hair in a puddle in the middle of the road. My mum was crazy mad over it - she washed out the mud in the kitchen sink while I bawled crying.

 

[Stereobaby]

when i younger around christmas time if i was acting up my ma would go over to the fireplace and shout up the chimney "Santa are you listening to this"..... and it would freak me out.
she also told me that if i didnt eat the crust on my bread my hair would go really curly like a girl in school that i used to hate.

having said as a toddler i use to do shirely temple impressions for my nana and aunties.

 

[Corey]

I'm already planning my answers for the important questions that kids ask;

"-Hell petal, that's where babies come from. Hell."

"-that's you're granny. She's a Zombie in disguise"

"-Zombies are dead people love, risen from the grave and intent on devouring all life on earth as we know it."

Cant wait.

 

[c0De_n1NjA]

my ma told me you could get AIDS if you frenchied a girl for more then 10 minutes!

 

[Charlie Bucket]

if me ma was furious with me when i was a kid she'd say "You're not one of mine - I must have brought home the wrong baby from the hospital!"

 

[c0De_n1NjA]

if me ma was furious with me when i was a kid she'd say "You're not one of mine - I must have brought home the wrong baby from the hospital!"

same here, she used to always say it if i slagged her about being black.

 

[Catwoman]

parents are fuckin weird man. Whenever our auld fella was putting on his coat and we'd ask him where he was going, he'd say 'Ballymagash going backwards'. I don't know.

In a similar vein, if I ever asked my dad where my mum was he'd invariably say 'run off with a black man'.



I was also told that if I stuck my finger in my belly button my bum would fall off.

 

[RSJ]

Whenever i used to bring home pictures from school, mam used to say "it's very nice and all, but the disjunctive perturbation of the spatial relationships brings within the realm of discourse the eloquence of these pieces." Which is a bit mean really.

 

[classic seanc]

I just heard a mother go one for two minutes like:
"You'll fucking get up. You'll fucking walk. You'll fucking do what I fucking tell you."
I would have been angry, but the child was utterly oblivious. He was just goin "Googoo gaa gaa. buh. blah. heeheehee!!! doopy bluhblah!"

Sock it to her, kid.

 

[sweetoblivion]

when i younger around christmas time if i was acting up my ma would go over to the fireplace and shout up the chimney .

My younger brother put his head right up the chimney once when he was younger to check if santa was there...my sisters used to regularly put vaseline in their hair...one of them ate coal...the other drank weed killer...kids, eh?

 

[Squiggle]

My parents were horrendously honest with us as children. No such thing as Santa, no bribery.

"Stop that or you'll get paddled when you get home" meant stop that or you'll get paddled when you get home.

It was good actually. We knew who was boss, we knew what the rules were and we knew where things stood. There was always a warning, which we could ignore (at our peril).

My Dad, who is somewhat eccentric and definitely a terrible timekeeper was forever leaving us waiting around for him somewhere or other for hours. But the main result of that is (a) I avoid being late as much as possible (b) timekeeping is really important to me.

Even now, if Dad is to collect me from somewhere, I always have an alternative plan on standby - so that I don't end up standing around.

 

[jillface]

once on a trip to tramore, i needed to pee in while we were driving.
my dad said "pee in your hand and throw it out the window".
he said something almost identical for number twos.

 

[Eddie Gorilla]

"if you piss in lewis' garden one more time.."

"ah now, stop that, the trocaire money is for the hungry babies, ed."
"but i am hungry!"
"i'll show you hungry!!"
*waits*
"JESUS!!! GET OUT!!"