Reality Check Thread (2 Viewers)

[jane]

Right, so it's probably bedtime for most of the Thumped nippers, which means that there is probably quite a lot of screeching, screaming, dirty protesting, face-peeing, toy-throwing, and otherwise chaotic crap going on in a lot of your houses.

This is comforting to me, not because I want any of you to suffer hardships because I am broody as all hell. I've always been broody, my broodiness has always been the elephant in the room that I've just learned to live with. I arrange the furniture around it, I talk to it, I clean up after it.

But it's getting worse, and me and Mr Jane aren't ready for childers yet. Definitely not. I have a lot of shit to do after wasting so much of my life on a stupid PhD, and some career plans that just won't allow me to breed for another two or three years. Both me and Mr Jane swoon over babbies and puppies, but since we're not even settled enough to get a puppy yet....

Someone? Help?

Diddles? Sufi? Dromed? High Infidelity? Shine? Pantsy? Sanky? Egg? Billy? Big Daddy Sloth? Gazzer? PETE?

HAAAALP!

 

[HMD]

you can have a go of mine when he arrives. that should put you off having any for a while.

 

[ernesto]

could you get a small dog and sellotape a picture of a baby's face onto it?

 

[jane]

you can have a go of mine when he arrives. that should put you off having any for a while.

No because your baby is going to be insanely cute, like all Thumped babies, and it's also going to be a funny heavy metal baby and it's going to make me WORSE.

KEEP ALL YOUR BABIES AWAY FROM ME.

ALL MY WOMB ARE BELONG TO ME.

Please, people, I'm dyin' here.

 

[jane]

could you get a small dog and sellotape a picture of a baby's face onto it?

That would double the effect, although it may put me over the cuteness threshold and thus become so cute it would go full circle in to Not Cute At All.

Plus, the image of a puppy trying to get a sellotaped picture off its thread is going to send me RIGHT to Cute Lifestyles.

You're no help at all ernesto. Nil points.

EDIT: We are at CODE RED. I was just over in that baby-no-medicine thread and I read Gary's post and found myself WAVING AT THE POST, going, "Awwww, hi little Amy! Hello! Hello!"

I need an intervention. Stat.

 

[ernesto]

maybe this will take the edge off?

To view this content we will need your consent to set third party cookies.
For more detailed information, see our cookies page.

Accept third party cookies

 

[jane]

No, that just activates my protective instincts.

Minus a million points.

 

[ernesto]

No, that just activates my protective instincts.

Minus a million points.

minus a million?!

ah now, that's not fair.

 

[Unicron]

Statisically your child will have a 97.8% chance of becoming this ...

 

[jane]

Now we're talking. And things are bound to get worse before my statistically horrific hypothetical offpsring reach adolescence.

What could be worse? I don't know, but who could have predicted Ugg boots with spandex microminis and two-tone she-mullets? Not even Nostradamus could have thought that one up. There's no quatrain, no apocalyptic imagery that can even come close.

 

[shower another shower]

Statisically your child will have a 97.8% chance of becoming this ...

You also have around a 50% chance of have having wittle baby boy as well. Easy-peasy.
Have to say, Harry, my son, has always been nothin' less than great. No trouble. Hasn't cramped my style at all.
Mrs. Sloth and me were 2 years hitched when he came along. Surprise, surprise! Both on the dole, rocking in bands 24/7. My point, is there's never a 'right time' to have childin. After 9 months of being up the pole, yer ready for it whether or not you think you may or may not be.
Stop using contraception, and see what happens. Its like dancing with the devil.

 

[Froog]

 

[La La]

jane i'll babysit free of charge. gwaaaaaaaan, join the club!

 

[shower another shower]

jane i'll babysit free of charge. gwaaaaaaaan, join the club!

Jane went offline right after my last post. Thought the 'dancing with the devil' was kinda hot and motivational. Say Mr. and Mrs. Jane are doing the deed as we speak.

 

[Diddles]

Jane, go to the chemist tomorrow and have a look at some maternity pads. I assure you, they'll put the fear of God into you.

 

[Corey]

Right, so it's probably bedtime for most of the Thumped nippers, which means that there is probably quite a lot of screeching, screaming, dirty protesting, face-peeing, toy-throwing, and otherwise chaotic crap going on in a lot of your houses.

This is comforting to me, not because I want any of you to suffer hardships because I am broody as all hell. I've always been broody, my broodiness has always been the elephant in the room that I've just learned to live with. I arrange the furniture around it, I talk to it, I clean up after it.

But it's getting worse, and me and Mr Jane aren't ready for childers yet. Definitely not. I have a lot of shit to do after wasting so much of my life on a stupid PhD, and some career plans that just won't allow me to breed for another two or three years. Both me and Mr Jane swoon over babbies and puppies, but since we're not even settled enough to get a puppy yet....

Someone? Help?

Diddles? Sufi? Dromed? High Infidelity? Shine? Pantsy? Sanky? Egg? Billy? Big Daddy Sloth? Gazzer? PETE?

HAAAALP!

YEAH, HI JANE.

 

[Corey]

You also have around a 50% chance of have having wittle baby boy as well. Easy-peasy.
Have to say, Harry, my son, has always been nothin' less than great. No trouble. Hasn't cramped my style at all.
Mrs. Sloth and me were 2 years hitched when he came along. Surprise, surprise! Both on the dole, rocking in bands 24/7. My point, is there's never a 'right time' to have childin. After 9 months of being up the pole, yer ready for it whether or not you think you may or may not be.
Stop using contraception, and see what happens. Its like dancing with the devil.

I'm with you,motherfucker.

Has anyone got any Savlon?

 

[jane]

YEAH, HI JANE.

Sorry, Corey.

It must be your parenting-related sleeplessness that made you internet-shout right there?

Yah? Yah?

And Diddles: thank you. That's the very thing I need to do.

Big Daddy Sloth: Mr Jane is away on a business trip until the end of the week, by which time I will be back on track here.

Also, if you saw our house, our house is a deterrent. Any offspring would peek out at the mess from the womb and just refuse to be born. We decided that if we do have a kid, we'll just strap a mobile phone to it so that when it gets lost in the mess we can just ring it and know right where it is. Because too, I think it's true that babies love really loud noises like that.

 

[magicbastarder]

kids are awful fucking hassle, or so i'm told.

 

[pete]

this might be useful

While most home tests can detect a level of 15-50 mIU/mL of hCG, the enhanced methodology of the USB Pregnancy Test Kit can detect 5-50 mIU/mL, and will show you the exact concentration via its friendly onscreen interface. In addition, the LCD display on the device itself will light up and show you the symbol of a baby, no baby, or multiples and your Estimated Delivery Date based on the concentration of hCG, hCG-H, and LH in your urine. So you can clear your calendar in advance.

http://www.thinkgeek.com/stuff/41/pteq.html