Quotes from your parents (2 Viewers)

[wild_cat]

I've been sporting a couple of massive love bites this week necessitating that I wear a shirt with a collar. I thought they'd finally gone down enough for me to wear a t-shirt but my mother said to me "I'm worried about those things on your neck, do you think they might be cancerous?"

After seeing a very hungover hickey covered Roisin my mother said

"Whats happened you, your turning into a scumbag Roisin, A SCUMBAG"

The horrible thing is, she really really meant it. I was after upsetting her really badly in a "why the fuck did I move home" argument.

On seeing some council men standing around last week she came out with this....

"Look at him breast feeding a shovel and smoking a fag, with his arse so far out on the road cars are taking the buttons off his pockets.."

 

[snakybus]

roisin's ma rules

 

[Squiggle]

Roisin's Ma does indeed rule.

My Dad, introducing me to some random guy "This is my daughter Squiggle. Isn't she beautiful. And she's not married."

He does that to me all the time.

 

[Jerry Twig]

I asked me Dad why he thought 53% voted against Lisbon.
His answer? 'Women'.

 

[Thebeard]

"After seeing a very hungover hickey covered Roisin my mother said..."

What a slut.

 

[La La]

i just quoted my dad in the death thread but sure i'll do it again here.

"rupert murdoch's old bitch of a mother is 90 something and still alive, ffs!!!!"


i had been talking to him about not knowing what to write my thesis on, he suggested Murdoch, and then kinda threw that bit in for good measure, i'm guessing?

 

[CitySickness]

I took the ma out for dinner for her birthday. Somewhere in between the main course and dessert, this exchange happened...

HER: So, anyone special on the horizon?
ME: Nah, nobody to speak of really.
HER: And you coming up on 30 now. That's a very poor reflection on you, isn't it?

 

[Rachel666]

I stole these from my brothers blog, for the purpose of this, imagine a really sad slow wexford accent:


Dad: Do they speak english in Australia? How will you talk to people?


Dad: And if you're in a country where people don't speak English how will you go to the airport?
my bro, John: I'll ask someone that speaks english. Or get in a taxi and say the name of the airport.
Dad: You should get a miniature aeroplane.
John: ............ what?? why?
Dad: (dead serious) So you can go up to someone and if they don't speak English you can point to the aeroplane and they'll know you want to go to the airport.
John: ..................................



Dad: Seems on the news there... some women died on the way to Mass. You'd wonder about.. what He is thinking... doing something like that.
Uncle Padraig: ......
Dad: ......?!
Uncle Padraig: I hate to break this to you, Mick - but God doesn't exist.
Dad: Err..
Uncle Padraig: But in all honesty, you should be more concerned about whether your dinner is going to exist or not.


ah poor dad.

 

[krystal]

LINK

 

[St. Fechin]

Dad: And if you're in a country where people don't speak English how will you go to the airport?
my bro, John: I'll ask someone that speaks english. Or get in a taxi and say the name of the airport.
Dad: You should get a miniature aeroplane.
John: ............ what?? why?
Dad: (dead serious) So you can go up to someone and if they don't speak English you can point to the aeroplane and they'll know you want to go to the airport.
John: ..................................

hahaha

We next went to the School of Languages, where three Professors sat in Consultation upon improving that of their own country.

The first Project was to shorten Discourse by cutting Polysyllables into one, and leaving out Verbs and Participles; because in Reality all things imaginable are but Nouns.

The other, was a Scheme for entirely abolishing all Words whatsoever: and this was urged as a great Advantage in Point of Health as well as Brevity. For, it is plain, that every Word we speak is in some Degree a Diminution of our Lungs by Corrosion; and consequently contributes to the shortning of our Lives. An Expedient was therefore offered, that since Words are only Names for Things, it would be more convenient for all Men to carry about them, such Things as were necessary to express the particular Business they are to discourse on. And this Invention would certainly have taken Place, to the great Ease as well as Health of the Subject, if the Women in conjunction with the Vulgar and Illiterate had not threatened to raise a Rebellion, unless they might be allowed the Liberty to speak with their Tongues, after the Manner of their Forefathers: Such constant irreconcilable Enemies to Science are the common People. However, many of the most Learned and Wise adhere to the New Scheme of expressing themselves by Things, which hath only this Inconvenience attending it; that if a Man's Business be very great, and of various kinds, he must be obliged in Proportion to carry a greater bundle of Things upon his Back, unless he can afford one or two strong Servants to attend him. I have often beheld two of those Sages almost sinking under the Weight of their Packs, like Pedlars among us; who, when they met in the Streets, would lay down their Loads, open their Sacks, and hold Conversation for an Hour together; then put up their Implements, help each other to resume their Burthens, and take their Leave.

But for short Conversations a Man may carry Implements in his Pockets and under his Arms, enough to supply him, and in his House he cannot be at a Loss; therefore the Room where Company meet who practice this Art, is full of all Things ready at Hand, requisite to furnish Matter for this kind of artificial Converse.

Another great Advantage proposed by this Invention, was, that it would serve as a Universal Language to be understood in all civilized Nations, whose Goods and Utensils are generally of the same kind, or nearly resembling, so that their Uses might easily be comprehended. And thus Embassadors would be qualified to treat with foreign Princes or Ministers of State, to whose Tongues they were utter Strangers.

Your dad sounds deadly.

 

[egg_]

Dad: Seems on the news there... some women died on the way to Mass. You'd wonder about.. what He is thinking... doing something like that.
Uncle Padraig: ......
Dad: ......?!
Uncle Padraig: I hate to break this to you, Mick - but God doesn't exist.
Dad: Err..
Uncle Padraig: But in all honesty, you should be more concerned about whether your dinner is going to exist or not.

Your uncle Padraig sounds cool

 

[BonsaiSuperstar]

i think my dad was first to use the word "doughball" as an insult

 

[Hector Grey]

i think my dad was first to use the word "doughball" as an insult

racist

 

[jane]

When my dad was a seminarian in Rome in the 50s they had all sorts of classes on moral theology. He was chatting with a German seminarian one day, and the guy asked him why the heck they had so many lectures that focused on sexual morality in marriage when you know, you just do it once and you get a baby.

My dad unsure at first what the guy meant.

"You know, you want a baby, and you do it and you get a baby. I don't see why they make so much of it."

So my dad says, "I'm not sure you understand. You don't just do it once. You do it, you know, as part of marriage."

"You don't just do it once?"

"No."

By the next day, the guy had left the seminary.

 

[Jill Hives]

Scene: All you can eat buffet in Florida. I've ordered a lemonade and drank it before eating. I was thirsty.

Waitress: Here are your plates. Can I get you another drink?
Me: Yes please, lemonade.
Dad: I can't believe you.
Me: What?
Waitress: Here you go, sweetie... (filling my glass up from a jug)
Dad: [Takes my lemonade before I can drink] You're filling up on liquids! Eat! You have to get your money's worth!
Me: Ah, you must be joking.
Dad: You can have it back after you eat.
Me: For fuck sake.*
Mother: What did you just say?!
Me: For Pete's sake.
Mother: That's better.

--------------------------

Dad: So your mother and I paid for our plots.
Me: Plots?
Dad: Death plots?
Me: Umm, your head stone and such?
Dad: Yeah, you see there was one place left next to your grand parents. We got it. We plan to be cremated so we can both fit in the one plot.
Me: How nice.
Dad: There's room for 5, so you can join us since you have no family.
Me: Can I bring two of my freinds?
Dad: [Confused look] female friends?
Me: [laughing]
Me: Isn't the catholic Church against cremation?
Dad: Not anymore.
Me: Just in time to get your money's worth, well done.


* I blame you all.

 

[Jill Hives]

My parents must be obsessing about death because my mother once again brought up her wedding ring.

Mom: I'm going to send you a copy of our last wishes.
Me: What?
Mom: How we'd like stuff handled when we die.
Me: Um.. okay. (thinking how morbid)
Mom: I made sure you'll get my wedding ring.
Me: Umm, thanks.
Mom: I even told your sister so she won't try to steal it off my finger.
Me: Umm, thanks.
Mom: I mean she's had two already and you'll never have one.
Me: It's only fair, like.
Mom: Well, I think so.... do you not want it?
Me: Mom, I want what ever you want me to have.
Mom: That sounds like a no.
Me: It's not a no.
Mom: It sounds like no. I mean it's so sad you'll never have one. I thought you'd be pleased.
Me: I want it. Thank you.
Mom: Well, if you don't....
Me: (cutting in) oh for fuck sake.... kick the bucket already! Give me the ring.
Mom: What did you say?Me: For Pete's sake.

Mom: That's better. So how do you feel about organ donation. You want me to donate yours, right? Like if you were in an accident?
Me: Yes, give them all away and the ring to Sandee.
Mom: Okay, I'll write that down.

 

[Jrad (BFB.ie)]

i think my dad was first to use the word "doughball" as an insult

i think my dad was first to use the words "faggot cunt" as an insult

 

[egg_]

Jill Hives, you don't need to get married to buy a wedding ring - you can just buy them in a ring shop. They're not that dear either (at least mine wasn't)

 

[Jill Hives]

Jill Hives, you don't need to get married to buy a wedding ring - you can just buy them in a ring shop. They're not that dear either (at least mine wasn't)

I don't want one.

 

[Squiggle]

I don't want one.

I have my gran's wedding ring, it's grand, just a thin, yellow-metal (the hallmarks are too worn to be legible), band that's almost 80 years old.

My Dad is still persisting on referring to me variously as a "maiden aunt" or "spinster aunt". There should be an agreed age restriction on those terms, like only to be used if the female in question is 85.