Quotes from your parents (1 Viewer)

[Super Dexta]

I don't have children. I do have other family members that say things that amuse me though. I was talking to my ma earlier, arranging to meet her tomorrow:

Me: Well what time will you be around, because I have a gym date with the girls at 6.
Ma: A gin date, eh?

Yes mammy, at six o'clock we all meet up and drown our sorrows in gin. Neat gin.

 

[pete]

my mother is learning how to send text messages:

dsjhfdjsfhdshipetergreetingsmam

was the first one

 

[Super Dexta]

Oh my ma and texts.

Me: I just saw a launderette called The Lost Sock.

Ma: Vry xs10tialist.

 

[La La]

when dad does e-mail, it's generally in bullet point form.

anyway, a real-life quote.......the best are normally when he's driving.

"that *$#*@&! is a facking @%^&#*!!!!1"

*slams brakes/swerves dangerously out of the way*

 

[flashback]

when dad does e-mail, it's generally in bullet point form.

anyway, a real-life quote.......the best are normally when he's driving.

"that *$#*@&! is a facking @%^&#*!!!!1"

*slams brakes/swerves dangerously out of the way*

Oh yeah.
My old man is a fantastically dangerous driver too.
If he feels he has waited long enough for a break, he just drives out directly into oncoming traffic.
"Relax Philip. They're all equipped brakes for God's sake."
*cars sliding sideways to a halt*

 

[Thebeard]

My da: "Oh thats a whole different kettle of ballgames."

 

[mark]

Oh yeah.
My old man is a fantastically dangerous driver too.
If he feels he has waited long enough for a break, he just drives out directly into oncoming traffic.
"Relax Philip. They're all equipped brakes for God's sake."
*cars sliding sideways to a halt*

was he from that generation that just got issued with licences? i know a few of them. fucking lethal they are.

 

[Catwoman]

My mum on the last England v Croatia game last year:
"Nobody was where they were meant to be - where the ball was."

Which reminds me of a another quote from my neigbour
"Wayne Rooney was kicked with a footballing shoe!"

 

[jane]

My dad finally started using a computer about four or five years ago, but until then, he was married to his typewriter.

"It's not normal for humans to write on light."

He's right, you know. We grow up being told not to stare directly at lights and now we spend all day doing it.

Also, expounding on My Da's Theory of Compewters, typewriters are like dogs and computers are like cats. Typewriters aren't perfect, but if there's something wrong with them, you can generally figure it out, and as long as you're gentle and responsible with the typewriter, it will be generally problem-free. Computers seem to treat us with disdain, crashing around the place, turning their noses up at all but the fanciest food, bringing home dead birds and hiding them around the house, and disappearing at random intervals.

It's not so much quotes from my dad, more theories or little philosophical statements, most of which are sheer genius as well as hilarious. I really should make more of an effort to collect them all together.

 

[Catwoman]

"I don't like carrots messed about with."

 

[Froog]

Guy drives out suddenly in front of froog's dad.

Froog's dad calmly: Froog, some people in this world have no breeding, no culture, no manners, so FUCK DEM!

 

[Jill Hives]

Mother: "I heard a girl died in Ireland last month, I 'm glad it wasn't you."
Mother: "Oh, so you are alive"
Mother: "Just so you know, I changed my will and am leaving you my wedding ring, since I know you'll never have one of your own."

Conversation with my father:

Dad: Have you been on the ferris wheel yet?
Me: What?
Dad: The ride where you can see the whole country?
Me: What the hell are you talking about?
Dad: [annoyed] The man down the block was telling me about the ferris wheel in the middle of the city where you can see for miles.
Me: You mean the London Eye?
Dad: Is that what it's called?
Me: Yeah, because it's in London, England.
Dad: Have you been on it yet?
Me: No, I'm in Dublin, Ireland.
Dad: Oh yeah, how far of a drive is it?
Me: Not sure, part of it would be by boat.
Dad: Oh, really?


Ah, bless.

 

[Froog]

Froog's dad: I'm not colourblind, I'm just lazy with colours, like i'll see something and go "that's green" even though it's navy.

 

[magicbastarder]

one of the first texts i got from my dad was when he went to london, and borrowed my sister's phone - he sent a text saying 'bn 2 nhm sm n vna'.
it took me about half an hour to figure out what he meant.

 

[sweetoblivion]

My 83 year old granny texts me sometimes, although half the time they're blank! But she doesn't use text speak thank god.
She's a legend, she's like a 60 year old!

 

[flashback]

was he from that generation that just got issued with licences? i know a few of them. fucking lethal they are.

aahhhahahaha, yeah, he is. He's proud of it too.
"Never did the test Philip." My brother is sitting there, deep breath, shaking the head.

He is actually a great driver, when there isn't mobs of cars. He learned to drive in the snow, in the highlands in Scotland. So he's great when everything freezes, he was driving around on ice in Canada for weeks without the slightest bother a year or so ago.
When the car level climbs, things get a bit hectic.

Another great one is "I make my own lanes." in reference to the idea that the painted lines on the road should only be adhered to as guides, when there are other cars on the road. As he carves through the bends on roads taking the racing line. The most stunning part of it is he's never been done for speeding.

Fantastic growing up was done in the car all in all. Normally the kids would be spurring parents on to go faster. Not us though.

 

[Froog]

I asked my dad how he learned to drive and he said, "I drove from dublin to cork, by the time i got to cork i could drive." innocent times.

 

[egg_]

"AAARRRRGH JEEESUS FUCKING HELLL"

My da when trying to use a computer

 

[therealjohnny]

one of the first texts i got from my dad was when he went to london, and borrowed my sister's phone - he sent a text saying 'bn 2 nhm sm n vna'.
it took me about half an hour to figure out what he meant.

Been to Arnheim, small and vaginal?

 

[carbide]

Been to Arnheim, small and vaginal?

ty n gn!

my money is on natural history museum, science museum and v&a, only because my mum and her friends all go for make-your-own-abbreviations too.

i don't get this, why the impenetrable txtspk comes from my parents and my classmates but not everyone aged inbetween. unlikely venn diagram #833.