Quotes from your parents (2 Viewers)

[wild_cat]

I was in Wexford town with my mother a little while ago and my flatmate whos gay and you'd know it to look at him like stopped to chat with us for a little while. Later on my ma and I were eating lunch and this happened..

Me: Ma did you know Dennis was gay?
Emily: No interest in women, not at all?
Me: Nope, ma could ya not tell by looking at the way he was dressed?

(My ma moves in really close to me and whispers)
Roisin... can they change preference...

I just told her to stop being stupid.

The other week she asked me could she use my laptop as I had the newer version or "an updated version" of the internet than the one on the PC as she couldnt find what she was looking for on the internet on that one. She actually thought there was more internet or something on new computers.

Deadly serious. Theres tonnes and tonnes of other stuff...

 

[Squiggle]

That reminds me of the time that one of my friends in college called from the town near where I lived totally out of the blue. He was having trouble with his folks 'cos his little sister had just come out and he was being blamed. So he traveled nearly 40 miles to chat. Anyway, conversation with my Mum later.

Mum: You want to be careful. That guy might have ideas about you.
Me: Mum, he's gay
Mum: That's an awful thing to say about someone

 

[nEiLo]

"Pull your socks together".

 

[Jill Hives]

"Clear eyes, strong hearts, can't lose!" *










* I might be confusing telly with reality these days.

 

[Lolo]

my mother, angry on finding out that her sister's husband had an affair

mother: "ahh! i'd love to just fist him"

me: "surely you mean punch"

mother "what??"

worst thing i ever had to explain to anyone..ha ha..

I remember my Mum suggesting I went to the hairdresser's for a blow-job when I was about 13. I was too embarrassed to correct her....

 

[Hector Grey]

my old bird used to be fond of saying "its much more expensive to keep somebody homeless than keeping them in the community".
then we'd have some booze

 

[Corey]

"Whisper it tenderly into my gaping ring-piece, you fucking cunt."

 

[wild_cat]

All of us sitting around the table at dinner one sunday, my mother is complaining about a neighbour whos smokes a bit...

Emily: She was sitting out in the beer garden smoking that hacky tabackky.

Just after Katie French died I was getting out of the car to get the bus back to Dublin, she calls me back to the car to say.. In the most serious voice ive ever heard.

Roisin!! Promise me you'll never take cocaine.

Emily on Cocaine users to my brother

Peter did you know what I learned today.. That people who take cocaine roll up money to put it up there nose. Isnt that awful.


When I was getting some injection in 6th class we had to bring our parents in my mother turns to the nurse giving the thing and says...

"I breast fed all my children till they were 3, very healthy children my lads".

I nearly went through the chair.

 

[SONYMEGADRIVE]

"Eat your breakfast"
"Would you ever get up out of bed"
"Have you not gone to school yet?"
"Why aren't you in school?"
"Come in for your tea"
"Good night, son"

 

[Pantone247]

"you wanna fight your old man, huh? Pass your junior cert and now you think you can take on your old man? huh? Stay in the kitchen honey, stay in the kitchen! I don't want you to see your little boy genius here get his ass kicked into next tuesday...so come on, come on mister C1 in pass English, have a pop at your old man... COME ON!"

 

[Johnnyc]

"I don't like you as much as my real son."

 

[shower another shower]

Me: Why is it you've pictures of your grankids, your kids, and your kids' spouses in your house, and you don't have a picture of me anywhere?
My ma: I can't find a good picture of you.

 

[Hector Grey]

man, you should have seen the time i spilt paint in the garage... phew.

 

[egg_]

"you wanna fight your old man, huh? Pass your junior cert and now you think you can take on your old man? huh? Stay in the kitchen honey, stay in the kitchen! I don't want you to see your little boy genius here get his ass kicked into next tuesday...so come on, come on mister C1 in pass English, have a pop at your old man... COME ON!"

Anyone ever take a shot at their old man? By jaykers I felt like it a few times as a teenager, but was deterred by Fear. We get on well since I grew up (and he mellowed with age)

 

[SONYMEGADRIVE]

i decked my ma once

 

[muffin]

Not my parents but an exes:

"Would ya like a nice slice of flange?"

He meant flan..I almost died from trying not to laugh.

 

[timbot]

My mum is a Dylan fanatic, when he played Cork 2 years ago she went along and threw a hat she knitted him on stage. After she asked me "He will get it won't he?"
I told her that they had someone employed to pick these kind of things off stage and give them to him.

Although to this day I am relieved that I was named neither Bob nor Dylan.

 

[Space]

Anyone ever take a shot at their old man? By jaykers I felt like it a few times as a teenager, but was deterred by Fear. We get on well since I grew up (and he mellowed with age)

I watched my older brother and my da come to blows to many times to ever want to get it on myself. It takes a bigger man to walk away, not that I'm much good at that.

 

[Rachel666]

A few months ago, my dad went for his lunchtime walk around wicklow. As he walked by the river, he seen my mam feeding the ducks.

Rather than greet the woman he's been married to for over 20 years and perhaps invite her for a cup of tea, he decided to

run up behind her and


pretend


to


MUG


her.


rather than say "oh yes mick! i'd love a cup of tea on this rather lonely lunchbreak" she turned around

and


punched


him.


................................



later on he told me this story as though she was being a "bad sport".

 

[MDR]

(Wife's grandmother.)

. . .(reference to johnathon swift in the conversation for some reason)

Grandmother: How is he these days?
Wife: Johnathon Swift? He's dead.
Grandmother: Oh, that's very sad.