Meeting People / Aspergers (1 Viewer)

[Green Goblin]

Hi Green Goblin. Since music cannot be overlooked maybe you should broaden your own musical horizons? Im close enough to your age and know few if any people who listen to the bands you like, im certainly ignorant of most of them. Im not saying run out and buy lady ga-ga's album (although that might help) but maybe try listening to some 'alternative' bands others listen to? Maybe you'll even get into other stuff cos it sounds like you're in a bit of a musical rut. I wouldn't offer this advice to other people but since the music thing cannot be ignored it could help if theres a bigger chance of other people liking what you like?

The problem is I wouldn't be "broadening" my musical horizons as such, it'd be focusing more on the mainstream which in my opinion defeats the point of doing so(even if you shouldn't disregard music because it's mainstream - it's still silly to act like you're diversifying when there's so much else out there). The sheer homogeny of Irish people is getting to me.

 

[dleacht]

Maybe you should just leave Ireland, is that an option? There is no sarcasm intended in my post by the way

 

[Moods For Mallards]

So there's some stuff keeping you in Ireland - is this in permanent or long term? Get outta dodge to, I dunno, Berlin, as soon as you possibly can.
There's my advice.

 

[Green Goblin]

Maybe you should just leave Ireland, is that an option? There is no sarcasm intended in my post by the way

Not at the moment I'm afraid.

If there was a decent way to find people with common interests online and hook up with them that way. That way the relative lack of people with my interests wouldn't be as big an issue.

I hate Myspace because you can only browse for one or the other. Facebook and Bebo are completely useless for this.

 

[BonsaiSuperstar]

The problem is I wouldn't be "broadening" my musical horizons as such, it'd be focusing more on the mainstream which in my opinion defeats the point of doing so(even if you shouldn't disregard music because it's mainstream - it's still silly to act like you're diversifying when there's so much else out there). The sheer homogeny of Irish people is getting to me.

myself and my girlfriend listen to totally different types of music and get on grand because we know each knows awful lot about what we listen to and learn from each other!

 

[broken arm]

How/where to meet new people? I think that's simple enough.

have you any interests other than music? sport? photography? art? politics? food? film?

could you joing a club for any of the above?

are there thing like secret cinema clubs/urban exploration/hill walking/anything groups around your way?

volunteer with a charity/conservation group?

start a band?

going to pubs by yourself on the off chance of meeting someone new is a mugs game.

 

[Reets]

Did you go into that music shop in Cork that (i think) sweeto recommended? I know just going in and asking them if they know of anything in the area might seem a bit daunting, but its something to consider.

 

[Space]

Simple question but no easy answer.

 

[nlgbbbblth]

 

[broken arm]

myself and my girlfriend listen to totally different types of music and get on grand because we know each knows awful lot about what we listen to and learn from each other!

my girlfriend isn't even that into music. we have different tastes on loads of things.

I think finding someone based on common interests would get boring really quickly.

who the fuck wants to basically talk to a mirror image of their own brain?

 

[La La]

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 15 (12 members and 3 guests)
La La, BonsaiSuperstar, dleacht, Green Goblin, I is John, nooly, petethedrummer, pissypants, rita13, t-g

 

[ann post]

edit: (i forgot to put your quote in)

The sheer homogeny of Irish people is getting to me.

i can understand how its getting to you, been reading this thread off and on for a few days now. its no easy chips dealing with something like aspergers in rural ireland, not that i can say i know anything about the city, or other countries, i dont have aspergers but have in the past lived with somone for a few months who had it. from years of trying to socialize while keeping checks on my own disabilities, i could offer the following advice to you.

1. dont expect that you'll find one person with all the answers with regard to aspergers and socializing. it will more likely be pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, things you'll hear from the most random sources and piece together through your own time and experiences. and it mightnt be obviously valuable to you untill the right situation occurs.

2. people who dont deal daily with conditions will have trouble relating to the finer points of its effects, i made the mistake many's a time of thinking that if somone accepted my condition, it meant they understood it. unfortunately this isnt true. bear in mind, they have actually accepted it exists, and its best to teach them about it in small steps, you have a better grasp on what it is then they ever will, and i'm sure one thing you understand is that its really difficult for folks to get inside your head. i've found that a number of people understanding different elements of my condition adds some variety, if everyone totally understood it, where would the fun in being different be??

 

[BonsaiSuperstar]

Did you go into that music shop in Cork that (i think) sweeto recommended? I know just going in and asking them if they know of anything in the area might seem a bit daunting, but its something to consider.

it's the easiest record shop in the world to go into and get chatting. albert is usually talking to the wall anyway so he would welcome some company.he may even let you play some tunes!
go for it green goblin!

 

[BonsaiSuperstar]

my girlfriend isn't even that into music. we have different tastes on loads of things.

I think finding someone based on common interests would get boring really quickly.

who the fuck wants to basically talk to a mirror image of their own brain?

it's true - i love sport and SweetO is soooooo far off liking sport she's off the radar.

 

[therealjohnny]

who the fuck wants to basically talk to a mirror image of their own brain?

I know ! I know!

Is it Green Goblin?

 

[Diddles]

You really have to broaden your horizons and stop focusing on stupid things like musical taste.

When I first met HMD, he was a complete metaler and I was a goth type punk. All my friends slagged the hole off me for going out with him. It went on for months. But we were able to meet each other halfway with our mutual respect for Queen and Slayer. Then I learned how to love Soundgarden and he learnt to like The Clash. Later on, we discovered techno music together and never looked back. We've been together sixteen years now.

 

[Green Goblin]

myself and my girlfriend listen to totally different types of music and get on grand because we know each knows awful lot about what we listen to and learn from each other!

Well, I'm sorry to say that this still isn't the kind of relationship that tickles my fancy even if it works for others.

It's like if I'm interested in playing blues guitar, and you recommend me GRINDCORE.

could you joing a club for any of the above?

No unfortunately

Maybe there's just nothing that can be done, Ireland is too far gone into pub culture.

start a band?

Trying this one ATM.

Did you go into that music shop in Cork that (i think) sweeto recommended? I know just going in and asking them if they know of anything in the area might seem a bit daunting, but its something to consider.

Yes, like I said I went to some of the gigs, but it's tough to talk to anyone at them, especially the noisier gigs. When I get a bit less ill, I'll try going out again more often.

who the fuck wants to basically talk to a mirror image of their own brain?

See, first I'm told that interests don't define a person, now you say they do. The way I see it, interests are a point of relation between two people, not something that defines who they are.

I'm saying for me, it's important. I don't think it's fair that other people can say what I want in a relationship is childish and shallow. I feel embarassed to even delve into details as to the what and why because I know I'll be torn apart for it.

You really have to broaden your horizons and stop focusing on stupid things like musical taste.

See, this is just bullshit and I shouldn't have to accept this "advice". To someone, their personal evolution might have told them otherwise. To me, it's been the opposite, and my history has made me come to the conclusion that it is important to me. And for refuting this, I get bitched at. I'm sorry but this is madness, you can't tell someone what their interests should be, call it advice, and expect them not to be upset about it. It's not honest advice, it's pushing your model for a "relationship" on someone else. I am not interested in the word "girlfriend" let alone sharing the same values as most people. This is not because I'm trying too hard to be different - it's simply based on what feels comfortable to me, but whenever I point this out I just get ignored.

There's a strong fallacy at work here that seems to imply that if you meet someone you're different ot you're more likely to get into the same thing, which makes no sense. If anything, when your interests change(which again doesn't happen that drastically for most people, you just try out new things, get into more bands etc.) your partner is more likely to follow if they're starting off from the same set of tastes, since there may be some common "Reasoning" behind it. It's another example of the "common wisdom" that annoys me.

I have decided, for myself, that it is important. Plus the problem isn't that I am going to find someone into DIFFERENT music, it's the fact that most people are into more MAINSTREAM music, which bothers me. The lack of depth in diversity of interest bothers me, regardless.

And for me it would be very interesting to find someone that thinks like I do, since as of yet I've met next to nobody that does. There's like one guy online I recognise as having similar thought process but way off on another tangent. I really want to find someone on the same wavelength as me. That does not mean they have to be the same person, I'm just tired of feeling like I'm from another world. Of course if your brain isn't wiredly very different to everyone else's, you might not understand.

 

[Wobbler]

If there was a decent way to find people with common interests online and hook up with them that way.

Well, I think you've made a pretty big impression with the Thumped ladies (who are all rides, by the way)

 

[pissypants]

have you any interests other than music? sport? photography? art? politics? food? film?

could you joing a club for any of the above?

are there thing like secret cinema clubs/urban exploration/hill walking/anything groups around your way?

volunteer with a charity/conservation group?

start a band?

going to pubs by yourself on the off chance of meeting someone new is a mugs game.

I was just about to second all of these. If you really want to meet people with the same interests go do a college / night course, join a club, start a band, start DJing or something...and forget about the internet.

 

[Moods For Mallards]

I could never go out seriously with anyone who was really into techno or any ravey stuff. I couldn't have enough respect for such a person.
A bit of craic, a lighthearted ride from time to time, but not a relationship.
Maybe I'm sick.