Meeting People / Aspergers (1 Viewer)

Green Goblin

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I've been going to gigs etc. down here in Cork recently but it still hasn't made it all that much easier to meet people. I guess my inability to talk to strangers hurts but also I find it hard to find people I'm interested in talking to. I'm not unable to pick up on personality, it's just nobody seems to be flaunting it.
 

riath

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Re: Meeting People

I've been going to gigs etc. down here in Cork recently but it still hasn't made it all that much easier to meet people. I guess my inability to talk to strangers hurts but also I find it hard to find people I'm interested in talking to. I'm not unable to pick up on personality, it's just nobody seems to be flaunting it.
How can you flaunt a personality?
 

Moods For Mallards

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Re: Meeting People

slogans on tshirts?
"I'm a Bit Touchy [wink]"

"I Just Want to Settle Down"

"Perch me on the Balcony - I'm a Real Culture Vulture"

"If found, please return to the nearest pub!"

That sort of this helps.
 

Green Goblin

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Re: Meeting People

It's kind of a cliché, but mostly I find it hard to meet girls. My problem is that there are only certain types of girls I'm attracted to, that spark my interest or whatever, and on the rare occasion I find one they're no interesting. I'm not being conciously elitist, it's more a common interest thing, too many Irish people especially even the "alternative" ones are too focused on the mainstream, I don't believe the "opposites attract" thing is all that true at least for me, there's a reason a lot of people tend to argue as they get older, and it's not just "interests drifting apart" since at least if you start off at a similar point, you can relate to that, and you're more likely to pick up the same interests if you change them(most people don't really change their interests that heavily, though).

I would really like to find someone who's into the same kind of music I am, for me that's important on a "sensual" level, I mean specifically some of the more ethereal stuff I listen to, like Dead Can Dance, Faith and the Muse, etc. and a little bit into anime or comics or something like that, maybe a bit of a nerdette. I like expressive, dressy kind of girls and there aren't that many of those nowadays. I don't like the "scene" look and attitude, that emo kind of thing, it's tacky to me and they just have generic "somewhat cheery" or "somewhat moody" personalities. I like more hippyish artsy girls, goth girls, I guess.

I don't relate well to most people, and I haven't found someone suitable as a partner that I feel I'm in the same world in, if that makes any sense. Most of these things go to an extent for making new friends too, especially a "Best friend" which I don't think I have at the moment, I'm not massively close to anyone. I suppose I would be interested in a partner that resembles a "Best Friend" in some ways, I don't like the word "girlfriend" but I want something a bit more intimate than a close friend too, kisses and cuddles and a certain degree of romance. I don't think most people are romantic these days, just cheesy. I'm definitely an artsy romantic type.

I think I've distanced myself a little though because I kept getting girls kind of clinging and attaching to me only to disappear soon later, increasingly before I even get a chance to ask if they like me "in that way". It's kind of a stereotype, I think, girls that are kind of all hugs and niceness and then "Oh no I'm not interested you" and go out with some asshole, but from my experience it's true. I think I just attract that kind of type because I'm a bit mopey, it's nice to sympathise with someone who's down for a bit but that's about it.
 

nooleen

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Re: Meeting People

I Don't Care If You Don't Fancy Me
Because I Now Realise You Were Too 'Mainstream' Anyway


that'll have them flocking
 

Cormcolash

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Re: Meeting People

It's kind of a cliché, but mostly I find it hard to meet girls. My problem is that there are only certain types of girls I'm attracted to, that spark my interest or whatever, and on the rare occasion I find one they're no interesting. I'm not being conciously elitist, it's more a common interest thing, too many Irish people especially even the "alternative" ones are too focused on the mainstream, I don't believe the "opposites attract" thing is all that true at least for me, there's a reason a lot of people tend to argue as they get older, and it's not just "interests drifting apart" since at least if you start off at a similar point, you can relate to that, and you're more likely to pick up the same interests if you change them(most people don't really change their interests that heavily, though).

I would really like to find someone who's into the same kind of music I am, for me that's important on a "sensual" level, I mean specifically some of the more ethereal stuff I listen to, like Dead Can Dance, Faith and the Muse, etc. and a little bit into anime or comics or something like that, maybe a bit of a nerdette. I like expressive, dressy kind of girls and there aren't that many of those nowadays. I don't like the "scene" look and attitude, that emo kind of thing, it's tacky to me and they just have generic "somewhat cheery" or "somewhat moody" personalities. I like more hippyish artsy girls, goth girls, I guess.

I don't relate well to most people, and I haven't found someone suitable as a partner that I feel I'm in the same world in, if that makes any sense. Most of these things go to an extent for making new friends too, especially a "Best friend" which I don't think I have at the moment, I'm not massively close to anyone. I suppose I would be interested in a partner that resembles a "Best Friend" in some ways, I don't like the word "girlfriend" but I want something a bit more intimate than a close friend too, kisses and cuddles and a certain degree of romance. I don't think most people are romantic these days, just cheesy. I'm definitely an artsy romantic type.

I think I've distanced myself a little though because I kept getting girls kind of clinging and attaching to me only to disappear soon later, increasingly before I even get a chance to ask if they like me "in that way". It's kind of a stereotype, I think, girls that are kind of all hugs and niceness and then "Oh no I'm not interested you" and go out with some asshole, but from my experience it's true. I think I just attract that kind of type because I'm a bit mopey, it's nice to sympathise with someone who's down for a bit but that's about it.
 

adampg44

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Re: Meeting People

It's kind of a cliché, but mostly I find it hard to meet girls. My problem is that there are only certain types of girls I'm attracted to, that spark my interest or whatever, and on the rare occasion I find one they're no interesting. I'm not being conciously elitist, it's more a common interest thing, too many Irish people especially even the "alternative" ones are too focused on the mainstream, I don't believe the "opposites attract" thing is all that true at least for me, there's a reason a lot of people tend to argue as they get older, and it's not just "interests drifting apart" since at least if you start off at a similar point, you can relate to that, and you're more likely to pick up the same interests if you change them(most people don't really change their interests that heavily, though).

I would really like to find someone who's into the same kind of music I am, for me that's important on a "sensual" level, I mean specifically some of the more ethereal stuff I listen to, like Dead Can Dance, Faith and the Muse, etc. and a little bit into anime or comics or something like that, maybe a bit of a nerdette. I like expressive, dressy kind of girls and there aren't that many of those nowadays. I don't like the "scene" look and attitude, that emo kind of thing, it's tacky to me and they just have generic "somewhat cheery" or "somewhat moody" personalities. I like more hippyish artsy girls, goth girls, I guess.

I don't relate well to most people, and I haven't found someone suitable as a partner that I feel I'm in the same world in, if that makes any sense. Most of these things go to an extent for making new friends too, especially a "Best friend" which I don't think I have at the moment, I'm not massively close to anyone. I suppose I would be interested in a partner that resembles a "Best Friend" in some ways, I don't like the word "girlfriend" but I want something a bit more intimate than a close friend too, kisses and cuddles and a certain degree of romance. I don't think most people are romantic these days, just cheesy. I'm definitely an artsy romantic type.

I think I've distanced myself a little though because I kept getting girls kind of clinging and attaching to me only to disappear soon later, increasingly before I even get a chance to ask if they like me "in that way". It's kind of a stereotype, I think, girls that are kind of all hugs and niceness and then "Oh no I'm not interested you" and go out with some asshole, but from my experience it's true. I think I just attract that kind of type because I'm a bit mopey, it's nice to sympathise with someone who's down for a bit but that's about it.
get yourself a trade
 

La La

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Re: Meeting People

It's kind of a cliché, but mostly I find it hard to meet girls. My problem is that there are only certain types of girls I'm attracted to, that spark my interest or whatever, and on the rare occasion I find one they're no interesting. I'm not being conciously elitist, it's more a common interest thing, too many Irish people especially even the "alternative" ones are too focused on the mainstream, I don't believe the "opposites attract" thing is all that true at least for me, there's a reason a lot of people tend to argue as they get older, and it's not just "interests drifting apart" since at least if you start off at a similar point, you can relate to that, and you're more likely to pick up the same interests if you change them(most people don't really change their interests that heavily, though).

I would really like to find someone who's into the same kind of music I am, for me that's important on a "sensual" level, I mean specifically some of the more ethereal stuff I listen to, like Dead Can Dance, Faith and the Muse, etc. and a little bit into anime or comics or something like that, maybe a bit of a nerdette. I like expressive, dressy kind of girls and there aren't that many of those nowadays. I don't like the "scene" look and attitude, that emo kind of thing, it's tacky to me and they just have generic "somewhat cheery" or "somewhat moody" personalities. I like more hippyish artsy girls, goth girls, I guess.

I don't relate well to most people, and I haven't found someone suitable as a partner that I feel I'm in the same world in, if that makes any sense. Most of these things go to an extent for making new friends too, especially a "Best friend" which I don't think I have at the moment, I'm not massively close to anyone. I suppose I would be interested in a partner that resembles a "Best Friend" in some ways, I don't like the word "girlfriend" but I want something a bit more intimate than a close friend too, kisses and cuddles and a certain degree of romance. I don't think most people are romantic these days, just cheesy. I'm definitely an artsy romantic type.

I think I've distanced myself a little though because I kept getting girls kind of clinging and attaching to me only to disappear soon later, increasingly before I even get a chance to ask if they like me "in that way". It's kind of a stereotype, I think, girls that are kind of all hugs and niceness and then "Oh no I'm not interested you" and go out with some asshole, but from my experience it's true. I think I just attract that kind of type because I'm a bit mopey, it's nice to sympathise with someone who's down for a bit but that's about it.

http://www.realdoll.com/cgi-bin/snav.rd
 

cephalopod

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Re: Meeting People

It's kind of a cliché, but mostly I find it hard to meet girls. My problem is that there are only certain types of girls I'm attracted to, that spark my interest or whatever, and on the rare occasion I find one they're no interesting. I'm not being conciously elitist, it's more a common interest thing, too many Irish people especially even the "alternative" ones are too focused on the mainstream, I don't believe the "opposites attract" thing is all that true at least for me, there's a reason a lot of people tend to argue as they get older, and it's not just "interests drifting apart" since at least if you start off at a similar point, you can relate to that, and you're more likely to pick up the same interests if you change them(most people don't really change their interests that heavily, though).

I would really like to find someone who's into the same kind of music I am, for me that's important on a "sensual" level, I mean specifically some of the more ethereal stuff I listen to, like Dead Can Dance, Faith and the Muse, etc. and a little bit into anime or comics or something like that, maybe a bit of a nerdette. I like expressive, dressy kind of girls and there aren't that many of those nowadays. I don't like the "scene" look and attitude, that emo kind of thing, it's tacky to me and they just have generic "somewhat cheery" or "somewhat moody" personalities. I like more hippyish artsy girls, goth girls, I guess.

I don't relate well to most people, and I haven't found someone suitable as a partner that I feel I'm in the same world in, if that makes any sense. Most of these things go to an extent for making new friends too, especially a "Best friend" which I don't think I have at the moment, I'm not massively close to anyone. I suppose I would be interested in a partner that resembles a "Best Friend" in some ways, I don't like the word "girlfriend" but I want something a bit more intimate than a close friend too, kisses and cuddles and a certain degree of romance. I don't think most people are romantic these days, just cheesy. I'm definitely an artsy romantic type.

I think I've distanced myself a little though because I kept getting girls kind of clinging and attaching to me only to disappear soon later, increasingly before I even get a chance to ask if they like me "in that way". It's kind of a stereotype, I think, girls that are kind of all hugs and niceness and then "Oh no I'm not interested you" and go out with some asshole, but from my experience it's true. I think I just attract that kind of type because I'm a bit mopey, it's nice to sympathise with someone who's down for a bit but that's about it.

Check out the dating scene around the steps of the Central Bank on a Sunday afternoon....
 

sarah

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Re: Meeting People

It's kind of a cliché, but mostly I find it hard to meet girls. My problem is that there are only certain types of girls I'm attracted to, that spark my interest or whatever, and on the rare occasion I find one they're no interesting. I'm not being conciously elitist, it's more a common interest thing, too many Irish people especially even the "alternative" ones are too focused on the mainstream, I don't believe the "opposites attract" thing is all that true at least for me, there's a reason a lot of people tend to argue as they get older, and it's not just "interests drifting apart" since at least if you start off at a similar point, you can relate to that, and you're more likely to pick up the same interests if you change them(most people don't really change their interests that heavily, though).

I would really like to find someone who's into the same kind of music I am, for me that's important on a "sensual" level, I mean specifically some of the more ethereal stuff I listen to, like Dead Can Dance, Faith and the Muse, etc. and a little bit into anime or comics or something like that, maybe a bit of a nerdette. I like expressive, dressy kind of girls and there aren't that many of those nowadays. I don't like the "scene" look and attitude, that emo kind of thing, it's tacky to me and they just have generic "somewhat cheery" or "somewhat moody" personalities. I like more hippyish artsy girls, goth girls, I guess.

I don't relate well to most people, and I haven't found someone suitable as a partner that I feel I'm in the same world in, if that makes any sense. Most of these things go to an extent for making new friends too, especially a "Best friend" which I don't think I have at the moment, I'm not massively close to anyone. I suppose I would be interested in a partner that resembles a "Best Friend" in some ways, I don't like the word "girlfriend" but I want something a bit more intimate than a close friend too, kisses and cuddles and a certain degree of romance. I don't think most people are romantic these days, just cheesy. I'm definitely an artsy romantic type.

I think I've distanced myself a little though because I kept getting girls kind of clinging and attaching to me only to disappear soon later, increasingly before I even get a chance to ask if they like me "in that way". It's kind of a stereotype, I think, girls that are kind of all hugs and niceness and then "Oh no I'm not interested you" and go out with some asshole, but from my experience it's true. I think I just attract that kind of type because I'm a bit mopey, it's nice to sympathise with someone who's down for a bit but that's about it.
More than likely you'll never have any close relationships if you have so many expectations beforehand. That sounds a bit harsh but I truly believe it. I'm definitely not telling you to settle for just anyone I'm just saying people can't be categorized that easily. In the last few years of college I've met orange faced dolly birds that are the warmest most interesting funny people who are into making deadly art and rock climbing, and also loads of interestingly dressed, eclectic-music-liking people that are pretty cliquey (sp?) and closed minded. People who are now close friends are ones I would never have given a second glance if passing on the street and who turned out to be the ones with mad lives who just surprise you all the time.

I think if you try to really get to know people without trying to assess them as potential 'best friend' or 'friend for kissing', you might be surprised at how suddenly you discover how many deadly people are out there.

I guess my main point would be clothes aren't always an expression of personality for people, a lot of people just dress in what's convenient or comfortable it's not necessarily a reflection of their interests.
 

Green Goblin

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Re: Meeting People

More than likely you'll never have any close relationships if you have so many expectations beforehand. That sounds a bit harsh but I truly believe it. I'm definitely not telling you to settle for just anyone I'm just saying people can't be categorized that easily.
I don't think it's about categorising people, I think it's about being able to relate someone and if I actually feel anything for another person. There was a time when I had no discerning tastes at all, and I ended up consistantly hurt, so maybe that had something to do with it.

In the last few years of college I've met orange faced dolly birds that are the warmest most interesting funny people who are into making deadly art and rock climbing, and also loads of interestingly dressed, eclectic-music-liking people that are pretty cliquey (sp?) and closed minded.
This isn't rare wisdom though - if anything people keep emphasising how people who dress all the same are the TRUE INDIVIDUALS by some bullshit logic. Yes, it's obvious that some people will be more interesting than you expect, but I'm not stupid so I'm not shutting myself out from that. In general though, where you see people dressing artsy, you're more likely to get arty people. This has been my experience.

Again I'm judging more by interests than appearance anyway... I look around for clubs for example that play the music I like, gigs etc. and find very little. There aren't enough different groups around Cork, for example there's no anime group except the SciFi soc in UCC who are a terrible Clique, it's not a place to meet people.

I think if you try to really get to know people without trying to assess them as potential 'best friend' or 'friend for kissing', you might be surprised at how suddenly you discover how many deadly people are out there.
People don't like to be "get known", though. A lot of this is to do with my own appearance being a bit outlandish, no doubt, so it's frustrating that you imply I'm the one being shallow.
 

I Bleed Black

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Re: Meeting People

More than likely you'll never have any close relationships if you have so many expectations beforehand. That sounds a bit harsh but I truly believe it. I'm definitely not telling you to settle for just anyone I'm just saying people can't be categorized that easily. In the last few years of college I've met orange faced dolly birds that are the warmest most interesting funny people who are into making deadly art and rock climbing, and also loads of interestingly dressed, eclectic-music-liking people that are pretty cliquey (sp?) and closed minded. People who are now close friends are ones I would never have given a second glance if passing on the street and who turned out to be the ones with mad lives who just surprise you all the time.

I think if you try to really get to know people without trying to assess them as potential 'best friend' or 'friend for kissing', you might be surprised at how suddenly you discover how many deadly people are out there.

I guess my main point would be clothes aren't always an expression of personality for people, a lot of people just dress in what's convenient or comfortable it's not necessarily a reflection of their interests.
Wise words
 

FiFi_LaRue

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Re: Meeting People

People don't like to be "get known", though. A lot of this is to do with my own appearance being a bit outlandish, no doubt, so it's frustrating that you imply I'm the one being shallow.
I sincerely doubt that it's all down to what you wear that people haven't seemed to want to get to know you. Not that many people are that shallow.

There has to be other reasons. You can't blame it on the other people all the time, which seems to be what you've been doing in all of the posts in this thread.
 

Squiggle

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Re: Meeting People

Green Goblin, dude!

Never limit yourself. Deciding that you only like one type of person is like deciding you only like one genre of music, you'll drive yourself and everyone around you insane.

Making friends isn't easy, it takes effort, and it doesn't always work out, but that's not the end of the world. The more people you know the more people you will meet, and some of them will be people you'll be friends with, some won't. And who knows, you might just accidentally meet someone that you'll end up being more than friends with.

One thing you definitely need to do is stop looking in such a focused way. It's ok not to have a Best Friend, it's ok not to have a girlfriend/boyfriend, but we're social animals and we do need people, friends, acquaintances, whatever.
 

FiFi_LaRue

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Re: Meeting People

Green Goblin, dude!

Never limit yourself. Deciding that you only like one type of person is like deciding you only like one genre of music, you'll drive yourself and everyone around you insane.

Making friends isn't easy, it takes effort, and it doesn't always work out, but that's not the end of the world. The more people you know the more people you will meet, and some of them will be people you'll be friends with, some won't. And who knows, you might just accidentally meet someone that you'll end up being more than friends with.

One thing you definitely need to do is stop looking in such a focused way. It's ok not to have a Best Friend, it's ok not to have a girlfriend/boyfriend, but we're social animals and we do need people, friends, acquaintances, whatever.
Agreed.
 

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