Meeting People / Aspergers (2 Viewers)

[Green Goblin]

Re: Meeting People

Are you hinting that we're all about desperate lust on here so?

Thats a great view to have. No more help from me.

That's not fair either, I was talking about me, not other people there.

Just curious: is there any advice or help that anyone could give you that you wouldn't summarily reject?

God this post made me angrier than anything else in days.

Just because I reject some quite frankly shitty advice doesn't mean I reject all advice. If good advice was that readily available, then maybe I'd be a bit better off. I wasn't expecting to get any decent advice right off the bat, but it's depressing that homogenous advice is so readily available, too.

People become overly protective of their advice; if you were actually interested in helping them out; why? Nobody has to take anyone else's advice if they can give a good reason why not, which you just ignore.

I always hate this; I see it a lot on forums, where someone asks for advice and people get pissed that their marvellous advice wasn't taken and start to attack the person who was in need of help, like someone looking for a cheap practice Amp on a budget and a bunch of asses come in recommending Mesa Boogies or something. If you're being pushy with your advice when someone has come up with a good retort, it negates the usefulness of the advice to begin with. If people are genuinely trying to help because they've "Been there maan" and all that, then I appreciate that, but they have to have some individual patience for the person they're giving it to, or else they're just trying to show off their WORLDLY WISDOM rather than being any help at all.

I've pointed out good reasons why this advice is not useful for me, nor would there be any practical way for me to take it. I am open to advice that applies to me, but nobody is taking the whole aspergers thing into account in the slightest, and that's before any individual factors. This was post was just fucking arrogant to make. Someone isn't wrong for not taking advice that doesn't apply to them.

I am simply not interested in socialising the way most other people socialise. This is not because I am trying too hard to be different and unique, I just simply do not relate to others in the same way you do. This is not a concious decision, people need to get over the idea that everyone with problems is making their lives diffcult for themselves - it's true that improving yourself and not just trying to improve others will improve your chances at getting on, but not if these improvements involve trying to emulate others who work different internally. I am working past my difficulties, but there's only so much tha will help - aside from my Aspergers, I'm a fish out of water here, the vast majority of people don't share my interests or worldview or grab my interest apart from that, but I know that there have to be others like me here so I don't want to give up just yet - it's extremely difficult for me to move in my situation, and it certainly wouldn't help people like me out who can't move, at all.

I personally believe most of the flaws of aspergers and perhaps even autism are not really flaws with that person's brain, but with other people, who enforce certain ways of communicating with and relating to others, and demeaning someone for holding certain social preferences like people have done in this thread. It's everyone else's social skills that suck just as bad.

 

[nooleen]

Re: Meeting People

so if you've already decided what kind of advice you want to hear, why are you even asking?

 

[therealjohnny]

Re: Meeting People

 

[sarah]

Re: Meeting People

I personally believe most of the flaws of aspergers and perhaps even autism are not really flaws with that person's brain, but with other people, who enforce certain ways of communicating with and relating to others, and demeaning someone for holding certain social preferences like people have done in this thread. It's everyone else's social skills that suck just as bad.

Green Goblin, I didn't realise the aspergers aspect initially, and from what little I have read about it through Michelle Dawson's blog makes me think I could never really truly understand a world from your social perspective. i think a lot of the advice offered here would be pretty useful for someone not in your situation, so I wouldn't dismiss it for them, but I accept what I have said mightn't apply to you.

At the same time you are asking advice from people who deal and experience social situations in (what seems to me) to be a different way, so it's unfair to expect people who don't experience in the same way, to offer advice that would be of any use to you.

I think Roisin's advice about seeking out message boards and stuff is probably the most useful, but you know you knew that already.

 

[Unicron]

Re: Meeting People

"Most" people do whether they call themselves alternative or not,

What sort of asshole explicitly describes themselves as "alternative"? I'm going to say something that might come across as mean but based on your numerous and lengthy posts it's the only assessment I can reach.

You're the problem, you seem to have a massive chip on your shoulder, you've narrowed your focus to such a degree that no one will ever meet your impossibly specific criteria. People have offered you really good advice that you've dismissed out of hand because you think you're special and unique in your situation.

Do you suffer from depression in conjunction with your aspergers? You need to sort your own shit out first.

 

[Gambra]

Re: Meeting People

This has to be a wind up at this stage. I smell stevenoblunt off this.

 

[Green Goblin]

Re: Meeting People

What sort of asshole explicitly describes themselves as "alternative"?

One guy did like 3 pages ago.

You're the problem, you seem to have a massive chip on your shoulder, you've narrowed your focus to such a degree that no one will ever meet your impossibly specific criteria. People have offered you really good advice that you've dismissed out of hand because you think you're special and unique in your situation.

Yeah, see, this is the bullshit I was talking about earlier. You're a fucking idiot.

How come I have to listen to their dumbfuck advice, yet you don't have to listen to my rebuttal? Why is their advice automatically valid but not my retort. Answer me this dipshit.

And actually yes, I am special and unique in my situation, at least by a factor of 1 in 10,000 or however often Aspergers happens. In fact, fuck that, most people are "special and unique" in their situation, you don't seem to be able to grasp that people in general don't live the exact same lives and have different ideas and experiences.

So fuck you, you narrowminded piece of shit having the cheek to call someone else narrowminded.

Maybe the problem is YOU? Look how aggressive you've made me all of a sudden. I have a chip on my shoulder because I'm sick of hearing the same drivel over and over, being bitched at for not listening when nobody's listening to me.

What kind of man names himself after something that turns into a giant metal testicle.

Do you suffer from depression in conjunction with your aspergers? You need to sort your own shit out first.

I suffer from depression brought on by the existence of Internet Tough Guys like you.

I just made an interesting point with regards aspergers and me having to sort "My own" shit out, and of you course you ignored that too, you unbelievable twat.

Aspergers and conditions like it aren't the problem, it's people like you who insist everyone follow the same archaic social standards that have been presented in this thread. Any advice someone is bitched at for not taking, when they provide a good case of their own, is not good advice.

 

[Gambra]

Re: Meeting People

Why are you even here if your just routinely going to slag off every single piece of advice given to you? I don't even know what the fuck you want from us anymore? Sake man.

Hey, put more swears into your posts, people love that and will want to help you more!

 

[BC]

Re: Meeting People

By definition, having Aspergers, my loneliness is not going to be the same as other people's loneliness, and that's before you add actual individual factors.

like sarah, i didn't realise the aspergers aspect initially either, and please understand that i accept and totally respect that your experience can be different from many people.

ultimately, everything i was saying can be boiled down to the statement that "you are not alone".

with regards to aspergers specifically, there are many support groups out there who i'd imagine could be of great help. aspire, the asperger syndrome association of ireland, have a website at http://www.aspire-irl.org/
also, the Irish Progressive Association for Autism (IPAA) is based in cork, so support and help is available.

in a more general sense, you are not alone in that a great majority of people around you feel alienated, lonely and find social situations difficult, it might well be for somewhat different reasons, but you are not at alone in feeling that way. i am absolutely not trying to belittle your own experience or feelings, i'd say there are people who can understand and support you, don't lose hope in people.

I always hate this; I see it a lot on forums, where someone asks for advice and people get pissed that their marvellous advice wasn't taken and start to attack the person who was in need of help... but they have to have some individual patience for the person they're giving it to, or else they're just trying to show off their WORLDLY WISDOM rather than being any help at all.

ok, now i really do have to say that i in no way got pissed off that you didn't agree with what i say - and no i wouldn't consider it "marvellous advice" and i didn't say it "to show off" - and i have made absolutely sure not to attack you in any way. when i typed those replies i went out of my way to be as respectful, unconfrontational and unpatronising as possible, and absolutely devoid of any sarcasm or meanness. i honestly don't mind if you think my advice is "shitty", in the same token please try not to take what i have said as any kind of personal attack, it absolutely was not.

people need to get over the idea that everyone with problems is making their lives diffcult for themselves - it's true that improving yourself and not just trying to improve others will improve your chances at getting on, but not if these improvements involve trying to emulate others who work different internally.

some people do make their lives for difficult for themselves, and it can be often due to inflexibility or unwillingness look for help or support. there is always help available. one doesnt have to be alone when it comes to improving oneself.

 

[Cormcolash]

Re: Meeting People

Internet Tough Guys!!!

 

[ITalkShite]

Re: Meeting People

God this post made me angrier than anything else in days.

Just because I reject some quite frankly shitty advice doesn't mean I reject all advice. If good advice was that readily available, then maybe I'd be a bit better off. I wasn't expecting to get any decent advice right off the bat, but it's depressing that homogenous advice is so readily available, too.

People become overly protective of their advice; if you were actually interested in helping them out; why? Nobody has to take anyone else's advice if they can give a good reason why not, which you just ignore.

I always hate this; I see it a lot on forums, where someone asks for advice and people get pissed that their marvellous advice wasn't taken and start to attack the person who was in need of help, like someone looking for a cheap practice Amp on a budget and a bunch of asses come in recommending Mesa Boogies or something. If you're being pushy with your advice when someone has come up with a good retort, it negates the usefulness of the advice to begin with. If people are genuinely trying to help because they've "Been there maan" and all that, then I appreciate that, but they have to have some individual patience for the person they're giving it to, or else they're just trying to show off their WORLDLY WISDOM rather than being any help at all.

I've pointed out good reasons why this advice is not useful for me, nor would there be any practical way for me to take it. I am open to advice that applies to me, but nobody is taking the whole aspergers thing into account in the slightest, and that's before any individual factors. This was post was just fucking arrogant to make. Someone isn't wrong for not taking advice that doesn't apply to them.

I am simply not interested in socialising the way most other people socialise. This is not because I am trying too hard to be different and unique, I just simply do not relate to others in the same way you do. This is not a concious decision, people need to get over the idea that everyone with problems is making their lives diffcult for themselves - it's true that improving yourself and not just trying to improve others will improve your chances at getting on, but not if these improvements involve trying to emulate others who work different internally. I am working past my difficulties, but there's only so much tha will help - aside from my Aspergers, I'm a fish out of water here, the vast majority of people don't share my interests or worldview or grab my interest apart from that, but I know that there have to be others like me here so I don't want to give up just yet - it's extremely difficult for me to move in my situation, and it certainly wouldn't help people like me out who can't move, at all.

I personally believe most of the flaws of aspergers and perhaps even autism are not really flaws with that person's brain, but with other people, who enforce certain ways of communicating with and relating to others, and demeaning someone for holding certain social preferences like people have done in this thread. It's everyone else's social skills that suck just as bad.

Well that's me told! Sorry my advice didn't match your snowflake specialness!

A further, related question: why are you asking Thumped, of all places, for advice, and then complaining when people make a joke out of it?

Thumped = for (and by) pricks.

 

[ITalkShite]

Re: Meeting People

Maybe the problem is YOU? Look how aggressive you've made me all of a sudden.

It's been a long time since I've heard an actual, serious, non-pisstake use of the wife-beater's defence!

 

[Cormcolash]

Re: Meeting People

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[ITalkShite]

Re: Meeting People

I should add, Green Goblin -- I've plenty of sympathy for the fact that you're dealing with Asperger's. But you're coming across as more than a bit delusional and self-pitying. I do seriously wish you all the best, it can't be easy. But, cop on like.

 

[nooleen]

Re: Meeting People

And actually yes, I am special and unique in my situation, at least by a factor of 1 in 10,000 or however often Aspergers happens.

it's more like several per thousand at a conservative estimate; it's not exactly rare.

 

[Green Goblin]

Re: Meeting People

It's been a long time since I've heard an actual, serious, non-pisstake use of the wife-beater's defence!

There are so many problems with this. First off no actual physical or even emotional violence is involved here. I was just pointing out how counter-productive his attitude was, as it only serves to annoy someone who isn't being heard out even further.

Second I've seen the "Wife beater" card used like the Hitler card too many times online.

Third should the aggressor just get off the hook? I can't damage him by pointing out what a complete twat he is, but he can make my situation feel more uncomfortable quite easily.

 

[Green Goblin]

Re: Meeting People

I should add, Green Goblin -- I've plenty of sympathy for the fact that you're dealing with Asperger's. But you're coming across as more than a bit delusional and self-pitying. I do seriously wish you all the best, it can't be easy. But, cop on like.

I don't particularly see any reason to give a shit if you're going to rat on at me and not Unicron who was being a complete ass and not bothering to listen at all. Why do I need to "cop on" exactly? Why do I have to listen if people aren't listening to me. I'm the one who needs help.

 

[Green Goblin]

Re: Meeting People

Why are you even here if your just routinely going to slag off every single piece of advice given to you? I don't even know what the fuck you want from us anymore? Sake man.

Hey, put more swears into your posts, people love that and will want to help you more!

What if none of the advice given is actually any good? Why are you unable to fathom this possible especially after I've pointed it out about 60 times now, moreover I've pointed out WHY it's bad advice.

 

[Green Goblin]

Re: Meeting People

like sarah, i didn't realise the aspergers aspect initially either, and please understand that i accept and totally respect that your experience can be different from many people.

ultimately, everything i was saying can be boiled down to the statement that "you are not alone".

with regards to aspergers specifically, there are many support groups out there who i'd imagine could be of great help. aspire, the asperger syndrome association of ireland, have a website at http://www.aspire-irl.org/
also, the Irish Progressive Association for Autism (IPAA) is based in cork, so support and help is available.

I've been waiting ages for the Aspergers people to get back to me. Basically they take so many people in at a time, and they
said they'd get back to me at the end of March, and they didn't.

There is actually very poor support and understanding of Aspergers in Ireland. It's near impossible to find an actual specialist. If there was better understanding, we wouldn't have twats like Unicron.

ok, now i really do have to say that i in no way got pissed off that you didn't agree with what i say

But some people are. In the posts after yours here, some people are getting quite angry indeed.

some people do make their lives for difficult for themselves, and it can be often due to inflexibility or unwillingness look for help or support.

This is not the case with me. I actually try very hard to get out and meet people regardless of the probability of them meeting my expectations, can you imagine what these accusations from shit-faced little pricks like Unicron must feel like? I think I give up on Irish people.

 

[muffin]

Re: Meeting People

What if none of the advice given is actually any good? Why are you unable to fathom this possible especially after I've pointed it out about 60 times now, moreover I've pointed out WHY it's bad advice.

Dude, seriously what are you looking for? People are trying to give you advice, even though they don't know you. You're asking for suggestions and then when anyone gives you some, you just poke holes in them. Maybe the advice isn't what you are looking for, but at the very least you should appreciate that people are trying to help you. Maybe a general music site isn't the best place to be looking for advice for someone with your difficulties, so why not look up some Asperger sites or communities which specialize in helping people with depression where you might get the support you seem to need.