For the Love of the Children (1 Viewer)

[Daisy's Dukes]

I'm kind of on the fence when it comes to marriage. Maybe one day I'd like to but right now I'm happy to co-habiting with my boyfriend. The thing is, we would quite possibly like to have a baby in the next couple of years and this will quite possibly happen outside of marriage. From talking to a few people about this issue generally, I've encountered a lot of people, from many different age groups who are uncomfortable with the idea of a child being born out of wedlock, with one stating they believed a child would get a much tougher time from its peers and would be looked upon differently by other adults because its parents weren't married.

How do people feel about this issue? I wonder are some people against it because it is preceived that the relationship between the couple isn't as strong/stable as one that is recognised in law?



Hit me with yisser rhythm sticks

 

[frona]

Jaysis, I didn't people were still like that nowadays. I don't have any figures but surely a kid's folks being not married would be the norm in this country now.

I'm even more surprised that people would be forward enough to say something like that to you - busybodies!

 

[RED(tape)MENACE]

That's mentalist talk.
How are the kids in the playground gonna know if mini-Duke's parents are married or not?
Oh, and also.. NOBODY CARES.
Seriously.

 

[muffin]

i dont think its around so much anymore..i know from teaching its not even half as prevalant as it would have been when i was in school..that said the other half's cousin lives down the country and had a baby out of wedlock..but even she felt pressurised into marrying her boyfriend so that her little gal wouldnt get a hard time in school like when she wanted to make her communion and stuff..but they do live in a town with about 200 people..

 

[RSJ]

I think that people who think kids outside wedlock is a bad thing like to make it out like everybody sees it as a bad thing so as to not have to actually explain why it's a bad thing. Loads of people i know have kids and the only one that's married is the sister.

EDIT: And now that i think of it, when she told the mother she was preggers, the mother had a fit and tried to get her to marry the (then) boyfriend on the basis that the grandmother would keel over, but when the grandmother didn't give a flying fuck, the mother had no basis to complain.

 

[muffin]

one of my school mates had a baby when she was 21..she got pregnant on holidays by a complete randomer and when she told her mam, her mother had an absolute schiz..after about a week she got her head around it and now her mum is her biggest support and said she couldnt live without the kid...so it all works out..

 

[Squiggle]

I suppose it depends on your definition of marriage. Some people would view you as a married couple, even though you haven't gone through the legal paperwork. After all, that is really all that the wedding ceremony is about, signing the register and telling the church/state that you are now legally joined.

So, then the question is whether or not you require the legal protection and assistance that comes from notifying the state of your commitment to each other, that's something only you can answer.

 

[HMD]

I'm kind of on the fence when it comes to marriage. Maybe one day I'd like to but right now I'm happy to co-habiting with my boyfriend. The thing is, we would quite possibly like to have a baby in the next couple of years and this will quite possibly happen outside of marriage. From talking to a few people about this issue generally, I've encountered a lot of people, from many different age groups who are uncomfortable with the idea of a child being born out of wedlock, with one stating they believed a child would get a much tougher time from its peers and would be looked upon differently by other adults because its parents weren't married.

How do people feel about this issue? I wonder are some people against it because it is preceived that the relationship between the couple isn't as strong/stable as one that is recognised in law?



Hit me with yisser rhythm sticks

you'll be wanting to get them christened next under the pretense that you have to to get them into the good schools

 

[Pantone247]

I'm a single father and no ones ever said shit to me

not that I would care, or indeed have the time or energy to care, if anyone did...

 

[Hector Grey]

sure what's wrong with getting married in anyways? partay!

 

[Pantone247]

what was your wedding like Hector?

did they have to sedate you?

 

[ann post]

on the side; my sisters are forever talking about imaginary weddings and kids and shit that there partners know little or nothing about, which i've learned is a common female thing that females talk about. i bring them up on it when they do, asking them should i be discussing stuff like suits with thier partners.... so have you sat with your partner and said, i've no interest in marriage, but i'd like us to have children together??

 

[Hector Grey]

what was your wedding like Hector?

did they have to sedate you?

weddings have booze don't they?

 

[Daisy's Dukes]

Just want to say that I couldn't give a shit what anyone else would think if I had a child outside marriage but I find it all quite interesting.

For example, a girl who works in a different department to me is pregnant by her boyfriend. Two people I work with commented to me that they wondered if it was an 'accident' and one wondered if the girl was really happy about it. Imagine. I thought it was the most awful thing to say about someone and it wouldn't suprise me if more people thought it but just wouldn't say it.

For the record, I think if I was to get married I would just go away just the two of us and do it. I know I don't have to subscribe to the whole church wedding, wedding dress of immense volume, first dance to 'You Take My Breath Away' idea of a wedding but I feel it would be something I would like to do without involving family and friends. Is that weird and selfish?!

 

[Hector Grey]

Just want to say that I couldn't give a shit what anyone else would think if I had a child outside marriage but I find it all quite interesting.

For example, a girl who works in a different department to me is pregnant by her boyfriend. Two people I work with commented to me that they wondered if it was an 'accident' and one wondered if the girl was really happy about it. Imagine. I thought it was the most awful thing to say about someone and it wouldn't suprise me if more people thought it but just wouldn't say it.

For the record, I think if I was to get married I would just go away just the two of us and do it. I know I don't have to subscribe to the whole church wedding, wedding dress of immense volume, first dance to 'You Take My Breath Away' idea of a wedding but I feel it would be something I would like to do without involving family and friends. Is that weird and selfish?!

you don't need to look like jordan, but wouldn't you want to throw a bash for your fambly and friends?

not to mention the pressies...

 

[Daisy's Dukes]

i've no interest in marriage, but i'd like us to have children together??

Uh-huh, this is something we have discussed.

 

[Pantone247]

For example, a girl who works in a different department to me is pregnant by her boyfriend. Two people I work with commented to me that they wondered if it was an 'accident' and one wondered if the girl was really happy about it. Imagine. I thought it was the most awful thing to say about someone and it wouldn't suprise me if more people thought it but just wouldn't say it.

I think the problem there is gossipy folks and not children outside marriage

not much one can do there

on thinking about it more I remembered one girl did ask, very drunkenily, that if I saw some girl I liked out with my kid would I pretend I was the childs uncle. I was appalled, but she was very drunk and English so there you go really...

 

[ann post]

was it shortly before or after sex?? i know i'd say more or less anything to get laid.

 

[Franco]

i think being born in wedlock was what fucked me up.

 

[egg_]

I think if I was to get married I would just go away just the two of us and do it

Missing the point, IMHO. A wedding is social validation of your relationship - it's not just about you, it's about your family and friends too

When me and Mrs. egg_ told everyone we were going to get married our families said "wow! we never expected ye to!" ... if we had known we could have got away without getting married we probably wouldn't have bothered. Though maybe we would have caved eventually, as you get older it gets kinda unseemly to have a girlfriend rather than a wife, makes you a look bit suspicious