Ed
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- May 1, 2001
- Messages
- 3,580
I'm outraged, fucking yokels
A Corkonian thesis from a UCC final year project which received a 1.1
Dublin was founded in the 8th century by the Vikings, when they
realised that the best way to cause lasting damage to the country was to build what leading Viking at the time, Hagyar Ringrosen, termed "A shithole for the ages". This statement was proved true over time.
Luckily for the rest of Ireland, Dublin is located on the east coast.
This means that the prevailing south westerly wind generally takes the smell across the Irish Sea to Britain. In the 1950's Britain retaliated by building Sellafield nuclear power station. The Irish Sea is now one of the cleanest in the world, the radiation from England and the filthy puss and bile from Dublin nullifying each other. It is a pity for us all that Dublin is not located 50 miles further east. However, many "Dubs", or "Gobsh*tes" as they are
known to the rest of us, would go even further! This is because Dublin is all that remains of what was once called "West Britain". Dublin people share many characteristics with the English people, including an amazingly low alcohol tolerance, ridiculous accents and the ability to get into a barroom brawl with Mahatma Ghandi and Mother Teresa.
Indeed, many young Englishmen come to Dublin for "stag
nights"- not for the nightlife, but because all of the slu*s there are falling over themselves to be impregnated by anything with a foreign accent in order to claim "choil'benefih'", or "children's'
allowance" as it is called in the civilized world. But beware! Dublin beer is much more expensive than ordinary beer. This is because it is watered down with expensive mineral water. You see, due to Dublin being a pox ridden eyesore which leaks revolting pus into our beautiful land, they have no clean tapwater.
In fact, 86% of Dubliners don't even know what a tap is (the other 14% knew that it had something to do with beer). As a result, the beer is watered down with mineral water, as I said,and now the average Gobshite must fork out well over the odds for a pint. But don't let this put you off visiting cosmopolitan Dublin, where absolute knackers mix freely with some of the world's snobbiest bastar*s.
Let the heroin, car theft, annoying whinger bastar*s, syphilis
infested prostitutes and Europe's crappest traffic system put you off going there instead.
Exits are by road, air and sea only, and are usually quite busy,
so be patient. Ah Dublin! Capital of Ireland. Europe's smallest
capital and also its smelliest. Step off a train at Heuston or
Connolly station and breathe in that unmistakable aroma of piss and puke.
But it's the people of Dublin who make our capital city what it is. We call them 'Jacks' because of a visit to Dublin by Queen Victoria which saw the locals line O'Connell Street while waving union jacks at their visitor.
Ask anyone with even half a brain how many counties there are in Ireland and they will tell you 32. But not our friends in Dublin. For bizarre reason they firmly believe there are only two:
1)"Dooblin"
and
2)"dowen da coontry".
Next time you're in Dublin, check out the excellent selection of
Radio Stations, both of which play the same five songs all day.
Whether it's 98fm or 104fm, tune in at any time of the day to hear Robbie Williams and The Lighthouse Family. You'll never get tired of it!!!
Anyway, here are the ten most asked questions about Dubs:
1.) Why do Dublin people piss in the streets instead of a toilet?
2.) Why do they refer to all other Irish people as Sheep Shaggers
when we all know damn well what they're doing with those horses?
A man from Ballyfermot (probably called Anto) recently got divorced from his cousin so he could marry his horse.
3.) Why is their knowledge of Irish geography restricted to "da
nart soide and da sout soide"?
4.) Why does their knowledge of Irish history go all the way back to the 1980's?
5.) Why do they complain about "doze bleedin' niggers coming over here taking ere women and ere jobs" when Paul McGrath is "yer only man" and "God Bless Phillo"?
6.) What the fuck language are they speaking?
7.) Why is hurling a culchie game until Dublin win a match when it suddenly becomes"Hooorlin',da fastest field sport in da bleedin' wooorld".?
8.) Why can't they go for a drink without trying to stab each other
afterwards?
9.) Why can't they accept Aslan are never going to make it 'cause
they're Shite?
10.) Why are they all still wearing track-suits?
A Corkonian thesis from a UCC final year project which received a 1.1
Dublin was founded in the 8th century by the Vikings, when they
realised that the best way to cause lasting damage to the country was to build what leading Viking at the time, Hagyar Ringrosen, termed "A shithole for the ages". This statement was proved true over time.
Luckily for the rest of Ireland, Dublin is located on the east coast.
This means that the prevailing south westerly wind generally takes the smell across the Irish Sea to Britain. In the 1950's Britain retaliated by building Sellafield nuclear power station. The Irish Sea is now one of the cleanest in the world, the radiation from England and the filthy puss and bile from Dublin nullifying each other. It is a pity for us all that Dublin is not located 50 miles further east. However, many "Dubs", or "Gobsh*tes" as they are
known to the rest of us, would go even further! This is because Dublin is all that remains of what was once called "West Britain". Dublin people share many characteristics with the English people, including an amazingly low alcohol tolerance, ridiculous accents and the ability to get into a barroom brawl with Mahatma Ghandi and Mother Teresa.
Indeed, many young Englishmen come to Dublin for "stag
nights"- not for the nightlife, but because all of the slu*s there are falling over themselves to be impregnated by anything with a foreign accent in order to claim "choil'benefih'", or "children's'
allowance" as it is called in the civilized world. But beware! Dublin beer is much more expensive than ordinary beer. This is because it is watered down with expensive mineral water. You see, due to Dublin being a pox ridden eyesore which leaks revolting pus into our beautiful land, they have no clean tapwater.
In fact, 86% of Dubliners don't even know what a tap is (the other 14% knew that it had something to do with beer). As a result, the beer is watered down with mineral water, as I said,and now the average Gobshite must fork out well over the odds for a pint. But don't let this put you off visiting cosmopolitan Dublin, where absolute knackers mix freely with some of the world's snobbiest bastar*s.
Let the heroin, car theft, annoying whinger bastar*s, syphilis
infested prostitutes and Europe's crappest traffic system put you off going there instead.
Exits are by road, air and sea only, and are usually quite busy,
so be patient. Ah Dublin! Capital of Ireland. Europe's smallest
capital and also its smelliest. Step off a train at Heuston or
Connolly station and breathe in that unmistakable aroma of piss and puke.
But it's the people of Dublin who make our capital city what it is. We call them 'Jacks' because of a visit to Dublin by Queen Victoria which saw the locals line O'Connell Street while waving union jacks at their visitor.
Ask anyone with even half a brain how many counties there are in Ireland and they will tell you 32. But not our friends in Dublin. For bizarre reason they firmly believe there are only two:
1)"Dooblin"
and
2)"dowen da coontry".
Next time you're in Dublin, check out the excellent selection of
Radio Stations, both of which play the same five songs all day.
Whether it's 98fm or 104fm, tune in at any time of the day to hear Robbie Williams and The Lighthouse Family. You'll never get tired of it!!!
Anyway, here are the ten most asked questions about Dubs:
1.) Why do Dublin people piss in the streets instead of a toilet?
2.) Why do they refer to all other Irish people as Sheep Shaggers
when we all know damn well what they're doing with those horses?
A man from Ballyfermot (probably called Anto) recently got divorced from his cousin so he could marry his horse.
3.) Why is their knowledge of Irish geography restricted to "da
nart soide and da sout soide"?
4.) Why does their knowledge of Irish history go all the way back to the 1980's?
5.) Why do they complain about "doze bleedin' niggers coming over here taking ere women and ere jobs" when Paul McGrath is "yer only man" and "God Bless Phillo"?
6.) What the fuck language are they speaking?
7.) Why is hurling a culchie game until Dublin win a match when it suddenly becomes"Hooorlin',da fastest field sport in da bleedin' wooorld".?
8.) Why can't they go for a drink without trying to stab each other
afterwards?
9.) Why can't they accept Aslan are never going to make it 'cause
they're Shite?
10.) Why are they all still wearing track-suits?
