Also they're missing out on the best part of a break up, which is obviously putting your friendships to the test by seeing which ones choose you over that freak you were going out with for how fucking long ? What the fuck like ? I don't know who I hate more - them for being a moron or you for putting up with them for so long ...etcI had friends do something similar by announcing their break-up. Saying it was for the best and they parted on good terms. No need for discussion/comments or for anyone to choose sides. Kind of silly but also over and done with quick, everyone knows now move on but also slightly cringeworthy.
Great craic altogether.
I also love
"I never liked them"
"Really ? and you kept it hidden for this long ? And yet you couldn't keep your fucking mouth shut for five minutes when I got crabs off that hooker in Mongolia and shat myself on the plane. Cheers dude."