Dublin Taxi Dude Frees Lady From Oppression by Inanimate Force (1 Viewer)

[jane]

Ever been taken prisoner by your own filthy hovel?

Like, for serious?

I was.

I know why the caged bird rings a taxi.

It happened.

*turns knob on lock*

*pulls door*

Shit.

Oh fuck.

*ring ring*

"Hello?"

"Hi, Jane, it's Dad. Whatchya doing?"

"Funny you should ask. I'm stuck in the house."

"That's too bad. Why?"

"No, I mean I'm genuinely stuck in the house. The suffocating humidity has caused the inner door of my front door to swell shut. And so, here I am. Until the air dries, or I can get someone with keys to come and kick the door in from the other side."

"Uh oh."

"Hang on, I'm going to try a hairdryer."

*whoozzzzzzhhhhh*

"Is it working?"

*tries door again*

"Shit. I just made it worse."

"How could hot, dry air make it worse?"

"I dunno. This is pure rubbish. Let me call you back if I ever get out."

*rings de fella*

*explains situation*

"What about the neighbours?"

"Don't have their phone number."

He offers to leave the pub on the other side of the city, where he's watching a football match. Then, "Wait! Ring a taxi company, and drop the keys out the window to the driver, and have him let you out!"

"Brilliant!"

*ring ring*

"Taxi."

*begins to explain situation*

*attempts to continue explaining situation over fits of laughter from dispatcher*

"Can you not just open the window, let your hair down, and hope for the best?"

"It's not long enough!"

"What about a passer-by?"

"The only person I've seen in ten minutes is an ancient guy with an even older limp. I doubt he's interested in breaking his other hip."

"This is too funny. I'll put this down as priority."

"Great!I'll be pawing pathetically at the window like a sad puppy trapped in a pound cage."

*taxi arrives immediately, as drivers are eager to discover the identity of this comedy captive*

*Driver attempts to contain his laughter*

And I am finally out.

Truly, I have learned the meaning of freedom.


It was just the inside door, so it's no big deal, really. Well, unless someone closes it again.

 

[roxy]

Hi Jane.

 

[jane]

I have tasted imprisonment and it is of vile flavour.

Hi, Roxy!

 

[spiritualtramp]

How much did the taxi driver charge you?

 

[dudley]

wouldn't the police have done it?

 

[Eddie Gorilla]

No, fuck sake, too busy spendin' all their time tryin' to plan ways to ruin all the punxxx fun.
Duh.

 

[jane]

Oh, no, I was going to town, and I was thinking of getting a taxi anyway. It wasn't the only reason I called them.

I didn't even think to call the pigs, but now that I think of it, I'm realising I trust taxi drivers way more than I do cops. They'd have taken an hour to show up and really kicked the door in, rather than give it a good shove but leave it intact, which is what it needed.

There was no extra charge.

 

[spiritualtramp]

I bet that taxi driver will be telling the story of how he freed you for months on end.

 

[roxy]

I bet that taxi driver will be telling the story of how he freed you for months on end.

Imagine if the taxi driver in question was that cabby-turned-author Donal Ruane who wrote that book Tales in a Rearview Mirror.

Jane, ye might become an anecdote quite soon.

How would you feel? All a bit 2-D.

 

[Zeelander]

I moved into a house in Crumlin a few years ago and my bedroom had been newly painted and furnished and even had a new door put on before I moved in. My first night there I was home alone and went into my bedroom to get changed for work. It was only after I got changed and tried to open my bedroom door that I discovered that the spindle in the handle was too short and the door didn't open from the inside. I was trapped inside my little box room with no phone / fags / food etc. (not even a TV, a radio or anything to read cos I'd just moved in). My housemates came home a couple of hours later and rescued me and laughed their asses off. My landlady gave me that month's rent free cos she felt pretty bad about it.

 

[ICUH8N]

best story about being trapped ever.

 

[Buzzo]

especially the victorious ending


would've been better if you'd bothered to open your wardrobe door and check for Narnia. You never know man. Good things happen to victims of unfortunate circumstance.

 

[Zeelander]

Good things happen to victims of unfortunate circumstance.

I sure do hope so. Seeing how I left €140 in an ATM machine yesterday as well as finding out that I'm allergic to clove oil while I was applying it to my murderously painful wisdom tooth, resulting in my face swelling up, I feel like I'm due some good luck some time soon...

By the way, Swelly Face Sore Tooth No Money is my new Indian name.

 

[Corey]

I sure do hope so. Seeing how I left €140 in an ATM machine yesterday as well as finding out that I'm allergic to clove oil while I was applying it to my murderously painful wisdom tooth, resulting in my face swelling up, I feel like I'm due some good luck some time soon...

By the way, Swelly Face Sore Tooth No Money is my new Indian name.

Clove oil?

 

[ICUH8N]

yes clove oil. It's a topical anaesthetic. Have you never seen Marathon Man?

(try bonjella, if'n the clove oil isn't working out)

 

[nlgbbbblth]

I sure do hope so. Seeing how I left €140 in an ATM machine yesterday

was there anyone queuing behind you?
if not the money goes back in if not taken within a certain no of seconds and when the machine is being balanced (usually done weekly) it should be 'over'.

 

[Wavioli]

Trapped in My Flat
I haven't left my flat over three months,
since the council erected an iron door,
an easy mistake for the council to make,
but the grills on the windows are an eye sore.

I shouted out the window,
I shouted out the door,
I tried to tunnel out though the kitchen floor,
I pushed lighted paper though the letterbox,
but no one saw cause of the iron door.

Trapped in my flat,
only my memories for company,
trapped in my flat,
hoping someone will come and rescue me.

I phoned up the council there was no reply,
clearly the staff there presumed I died,
an easy mistake for the council to make,
there was nothing they could do, but they apologised.

There's nothing I can do and that's a simple fact,
but sit here and wait ‘til they demolish these flats,
till then I'll sit in my attic space,
trying to attract attention of passing planes.

Trapped in my flat,
only my memories for company,
trapped in my flat,
hoping someone will come and rescue me,
hoping someone will come and rescue me.

 

[Zeelander]

was there anyone queuing behind you?
if not the money goes back in if not taken within a certain no of seconds and when the machine is being balanced (usually done weekly) it should be 'over'.

Oh of course!! You know about these sort of things! There was no-one behind me that I noticed, but I was in a bit of a daze (hence the not taking my cash...) and when I realised my mistake a couple of minutes later I saw that there was already people walking away from the bank machine and more people queuing to use it. I ran over and asked the people around that had used the ATM, but to no avail. So should I contact the bank to let them know, just in case the money did get sucked back in? I think the machine was AIB and I'm an Ulster Bank customer so are AIB the ones I should contact?

 

[nlgbbbblth]

Oh of course!! You know about these sort of things! There was no-one behind me that I noticed, but I was in a bit of a daze (hence the not taking my cash...) and when I realised my mistake a couple of minutes later I saw that there was already people walking away from the bank machine and more people queuing to use it. I ran over and asked the people around that had used the ATM, but to no avail. So should I contact the bank to let them know, just in case the money did get sucked back in? I think the machine was AIB and I'm an Ulster Bank customer so are AIB the ones I should contact?

You can't contact AIB directly as they will only deal bank to bank.

You need to contact your Ulster Bank branch and give them the following information:

- Your account details
- Date and time of withdrawal (try and be as accurate as possible)
- Exact location of the AIB atm machine.

Ulster Bank's atm support department will then contact the AIB's atm support department who will check with whoever is responsible for balancing the atm machine. If the machine is off-site (not attached to a branch) then the responsibility for balancing it may lie with Securicor/Brinks Allied.

Bear in mind that some machines may only be balanced on a weekly basis it will be a while before you get a response.

If someone else took the money before it dropped back in then you've no comeback. If not, the machine should be over and it should be possible to identify which transaction caused this.

No harm in trying anyway - give yer branch a ring and let them take it from there. Get a name off whoever you speak to and give them a ring in 10 days if you haven't heard anything.

 

[Zeelander]

You can't contact AIB directly as they will only deal bank to bank.

You need to contact your Ulster Bank branch and give them the following information:

- Your account details
- Date and time of withdrawal (try and be as accurate as possible)
- Exact location of the AIB atm machine.

Ulster Bank's atm support department will then contact the AIB's atm support department who will check with whoever is responsible for balancing the atm machine. If the machine is off-site (not attached to a branch) then the responsibility for balancing it may lie with Securicor/Brinks Allied.

Bear in mind that some machines may only be balanced on a weekly basis it will be a while before you get a response.

If someone else took the money before it dropped back in then you've no comeback. If not, the machine should be over and it should be possible to identify which transaction caused this.

No harm in trying anyway - give yer branch a ring and let them take it from there. Get a name off whoever you speak to and give them a ring in 10 days if you haven't heard anything.

Once again, thanks for the advice!! You're a legend!

Man, I hope spiritualtramp isn't around to tease me about not knowing how to work bank machines...