Asking someone on a date (1 Viewer)

[Jill Hives]

You should have seen me last night, describing and illustrating the lasagna of self-loathing, or the 'loath-sagna'.

I was on a fucking roll, I was.

You should record these. Podcast, I say!

 

[Wilbert]

I can't stop laughing at this....

By the way, I generally buy my dates lots of drinks, that way I start to seem more appealing.

You're about to get a string of date-requests.

 

[jane]

You should record these. Podcast, I say!

That was pretty much it, though. That and a plan for a new reality show that I may actually pitch. It's too fucking good an idea not to.

But one thing I wish I could have podcast was the trip we took to a Wal-Mart Supercentre in western Maryland last week. I thought Mr Jane was getting a two-dimensional image of America, so I insisted he see where the people are so fat that to take their measurements means including units in the fourth dimension.

It started with, "I'm going to pick up a hunting camoflage t-shirt, and I'm going to take it to the Wal-Mart greeter and I'm going to say in a big redneck accent, 'You got this in a onesie?' And then each of you is going to give me a brand new one dollar bill." But I didn't even need to manipulate the experience: Wal-Mart didn't let us down.

First there was my delight in showing him that there's an entire section dedicated to various types of buck lure (we bought some, but have yet to lure anything properly), and then there was watching some fucking redneck try to buy a gun without the waiting period or the background check. It couldn't have been funnier if we'd planned it as a spectacle in Mr Jane's honour.

While recounting the scene for my parents on the way back in the car, I nearly burst all surgery stitches in my mouth from laughing too hard.

I really, really wish I'd got that on tape.

Edited to add: By the way, I was shitting it in the train station in fucking DC because I got stopped and my bags got swabbed and sniffed by dogs. And all I could think was that I had these things in one of the bags called 'sex wafers' and they are said to smell 'just like doe in estrus'. I was fucking terrified the dogs were gonna flip out over it until I realised we'd packed them in Mr Jane's bag. All I had was 'the grunter', which makes EIGHT DIFFERENT buck calls, and a terrifying tool called a 'butt-out', which you put up a deer's ass to remove the anal sac so it doesn't fuck you up when you eat it.

 

[jimmybreeze]

Dear oh dear

Does he not know your just meant to wait two days,and then send a text saying



"Pint?"

So,did anyone listen to the voicemail message linked in that post?
http://theshermanfoundation.blogspot.com/2008/06/some-loser-douchbags-phone-messages-to.html

 

[rettucs]

And all I could think was that I had these things in one of the bags called 'sex wafers' and they are said to smell 'just like doe in estrus'.

I love sex wafers

with vanilla ice cream

 

[jane]

I love sex wafers

with vanilla ice cream

I was fudging that a little. They're called 'sex scent wafers'.

They also sell spray that smells just like raccoon, doe or buck urine, but I figured that was a little harder to pack in a suitcase with any confidence and you wouldn't be able to put it in a carry-on.

They do sell shit like this for humans, too. Some kind of pheromones you can spray on yourself so that members of the opposite sex will find you alluring.

Probably don't spray yourself with raccoon piss, though. I can tell you from experience that you will NOT be laid if you do this. Repeat: you will NOT become laid.

 

[Vinnie]

My dates mostly involve a bottle of cooking sherry straight from the bottle down a seedy lane followed by an x-rated movie and an arm wrestle. And sometimes I just bring them door to door asking complete strangers if we can have anything.

 

[Space]

So,did anyone listen to the voicemail message linked in that post?
http://theshermanfoundation.blogspot.com/2008/06/some-loser-douchbags-phone-messages-to.html

Yeah and I learnt a lot in that short time period.

 

[jimmybreeze]

Yeah and I learnt a lot in that short time period.

Don't do what Donnie Don't does?

 

[snakybus]

very poor. the punctuation's all there, you'll have to do better than that.

for the record i'm saying that snaky didn't nail the roof-star bird. i have 10 beans on it.

Collect your winnings there Hector, you know me too well.

 

[rettucs]

Probably don't spray yourself with raccoon piss, though. I can tell you from experience that you will NOT be laid if you do this. Repeat: you will NOT become laid.

jane, some people are into this.

seriously

 

[jane]

jane, some people are into this.

seriously

Prove it.

It's what the internet is for.

 

[rettucs]

Prove it.

It's what the internet is for.

errmmm, ok.

But not in work. I'll wait til I get home and check out all these fetish websites I've heard so much about.

but there has to be someone, like.

I've never smelt racoon piss. Is it bad?

I did see a skunk once. And lots of gophers. Not in Ireland though, obviously. Though badgers do look a little bit like giant skunks.

 

[jimmybreeze]

jane, some people are into this.

seriously

Ugh.
I dont think I'd gopher that

 

[Wilbert]

Yeah and I learnt a lot in that short time period.

That message was hilarious!

 

[Jill Hives]

So,did anyone listen to the voicemail message linked in that post?
http://theshermanfoundation.blogspot.com/2008/06/some-loser-douchbags-phone-messages-to.html

Oh my. Where to fuckin' begin! That's amazing.

 

[rettucs]

Oh my. Where to fuckin' begin! That's amazing.

I like his directness, 'I'm one of the few people in this city that theres nothing wrong with'.

she needed to know that and he was right to tell her

 

[jimmybreeze]

That message was hilarious!

Oh my. Where to fuckin' begin! That's amazing.

Ha Ha!
Reverse psychology gone wrong.
So,If you don't call me,I shall assume its because you are a mentalist.

 

[Hector Grey]

Collect your winnings there Hector, you know me too well.

i'd say it would have been great too. those liberated hippy chicks, eh?