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Oh bollix that one about the piss and the shit just reminded me of a classic night in Copenhagen. It was the day when Land of the Dead came out, I was mad to see it so myself and my mate Tobias went to see it and obviously were fairly disappointed. I was going to go home after, have a spliff or two and go to bed, but I was fairly restless and didn't feel like going home, so I called Ian. He was at a party, still sober, said it was boring but call over anyway.
Went there, had a beer, a smoke or two, had another, was still boring. We were both trying to get off with these girls from the school we were working at, they seemed into it but nothing happened, so we were bored as fuck. So we robbed a bottle of vodka from the fridge and left the party and went back to his apartment. Drank a bit, got bored, went out and robbed this stupid fancy pimp bike for the laugh, bought some hash and more beer, went back to his apartment. Drank, got bored, went down to Ungdomshuset where there was some shit reggae gig on, had a beer, went back to his, listened to music, got bored, went to the bar he sometimes worked at, had a few shots, got bored and went back to his apartment. All the time we were getting more drunk, more restless and more bored, so something had to happen.
Every time we left his apartment, we noticed that there was a party going on in an apartment on the top floor of the building two doors up from his place. As the night went on it got louder and madder sounding, but miraculously, we hadn't even thought of crashing it. So when we were coming back we decided, fuck it, let's go in there and see what's going on. First of all we went into his apartment and put on suit jackets (the ultimate disguise), and then went back, rang the buzzer and said we were friends with Sven, so some cunt let us in.
It was all these fuckin posh cunts looking down their noses at us, everyone real drunk but still being dry oul snobby cunts. It was going on over four apartments on the top two floors. Most people were at the lower floor, where there was a bar set up, so we went up to the top floor and there was one apartment totally cleared with a DJ in the kitchen and the living room as a dancefloor. There was one lad asleep on the couch and another mad drunk lad dancing on his own. We sat down on the couch and started doing a joint, then this lad came in and sat down. He was a real dick, arrogant Swedish business cunt, so we started giving him a load of abuse, antagonising him and asking him to come back and bum us. He ran off so I stood up on the coffee table and started doing a piss on the floor, I dunno why. Then we just started wrecking everything, kicking it all over and everything. No-one noticed cos they were all downstairs. I had a cabinet open and was just smashing all these plates on the floor, and I turned around and Ian was doing a fucking shit on the carpet. Fuck. So we ran downstairs, took a load of beers from the fridge, and then legged it all the way down and out of the building, smashing all the potted plants on the way. We went to his apartment and drank the beers.
Stupidly, we decided to go back to the party.
When we were going up we saw a girl going out of the bar they had set up and into a dark room holding a metal cash box -the takings from the bar. We decided it would be hllarious to rob the cash box, so we hid up the stairs until she went back out of the room. We went down and snuck in there. There was a lad asleep on the bed and a small fridge with the cash box on top. We looked in the fridge -2 bottles of vodka, 2 bottles of tequila! Grabbed everything and fucking legged it, smashing all the pots we missed the first time.
Next thing I remember is waking up in the morning in Ian's bed with us both naked except for our suit jackets and half empty bottles of vodka and tequila on the floor. I dunno what happened. The cash box was there, we'd forced it open but there was only some little coins in it. So fucking lucky -it was so obvious who'd robbed the fucking thing and he only lived two doors down from the party. If there'd been any real money in it we'd have been fucked...thanks be to jaysus we didn't get the fuck kicked out us.
tip of the fuckin iceberg ,let rip young sir,cmon its only the old bastards who dont go out on a saturday nite on hereI'm afraid that's just the tip of the iceberg as far as drunken stories relating to me & Ian...I haven't even played the group sex and gay sauna cards yet!
i had 4 pints last night and had a really bad hangover this morning.
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