Ad's Of The Year, 2002 (4 Viewers)

[the bearded lady]

the Galtee one with that fuckin' curly prick with the flared nostrils who's stuffin' his face with pork (as per, gayhole), aitin' all yer wan's sausages and rashers and the loike in a comical manner, and she comes in and the ould milk is gone and then she see's that the rasher pack is empty and says in that south-dublin-lezzer-in-denial-uber-work-bosstype-rutless-barren-geesewnup-facial-hair voice "GERRRRRY!!" and he sort of likeable roguishly shrugs his prick shoulders while "chewing" the stolen rashers in the most exaggerated bovine fashion ever!

the bog roll one with the traveller-looking child with the ginger pubes on his head which has his supposed thoughts over-dubbed his cutesy fuckin' face with that RIDICULUS oirish accent that even darby o'gill would be ashamed of "wats dacccth, is ittttch a toy?, mmmm, ittttchs so soaft, no! daddy! please dontttch take my toy away...."
fuckin' cunt! how the fuck did THAT crawl out of the abortion bin?

ALL THOSE FUCKIN' VODAFUCKINGFONE ADS.

THAT FUCKIN' EIRCOM AD WITH "GERRY "HILARITY" FISH AND THE MUD BUG CLUB" TUNE. PRICKS!!

those boots ads with that bitch with the freckles who gets an ould "make over" and looks like she stinks of rancid lard.

"i drank pots of barrys tea in order to meet the gorgeous gerry" "if you bring the hound, i'll tell mum about ibizia" said in the potato language of the hollywood irish again.

"we're getting the heads down to study"
"we take turns doin' the cooking"
"i'm stayin' in weekends"
"and mam....can i bring a friend"
said by some toe-breath greasy piece of anus who's delighted to be up on a burd he's not directly related to.

the "music" in those lucozade ad's with the cartoon lezzer who prances around with other hounds.

but it couldn't be complete without the WONDERFUL (and, subtly sexy) GILLIAN QUINN SURF AD
"fizzy orange, lovely"
"ketchup, ah mikey!"
"like father like son, so, what's a girl to do?"
(squints) "well, there's always surf, for the 99 stains you've to put up with everyday from baked beans to.....strawberry jam"...."your turn".....
(off camera) ugh!
slinkily cocks her head back into frame
"well, he's not a goal keeper!"

How fuckin' long are this bitch's legs? she's across the room in a stride, big fuckin' farmers hips on her. and you KNOW she thinks she's way better looking than she is, yet you KNOW she'd take in the face if you promised her you'd get her on the telly. i'd say she's well used to scorin' a few own-goals on the lonely nights ould niall was away with the oirish team. she's some prick for a bitch.

 

[snakybus]

rock on, bearded lady

what about the toilet roll one with the frog wiping his hole

about time too, tell it like it is

 

[Knacker]

That one for Vaseline which has a Joan of Anus song as the soundtrack should be taken off telly. I know it's on the Cablelink channel because of the shoddy camerawork, but even still... I mean, kids shouldn't be allowed to listen to that rubbish.

 

[krystal]

any ad with someone called Gerry in it needs to be axed pronto

such as that lumpen 3d wankstain in the NTL ad

'Can I watch the Football Gran'

This is a favourite topic of mine, dissing the ads

1. all toothpaste ads should be banned, especially ones with large white teeth and / or cartoon squirrels

2. "we're great together but I've found something that satisfys me in a way I never thought possible"

Culled from a list sent to me by a mate:

1. Uncle Bens with the guy making a musical stir fry.
2. The wankers in the FIAT that make it a musical instrument
3. Any ad with Bjorn Borg or whoever he is and his ugly wife for mobiles
4. Frosties ad with gimp man growling
5. Co-op with the singing sheep
6. Tesco ads with Sybil Faulty
7. Boots ads with appalling Bridget Jones type bint and her awful friend who get stuck on a Greek Island
8. All Car ads
9. The ads with Johnny Vaughan dressed up as a woman
10. Huggies, do it in huggies
11. All Christmas ads except M & S
12. Ads for the Hungry children / blind people of Africa
13. Red Bull / Red Square
14. Herbal Essence one where woman is washing her hair and talking to shampoo
15 Max Factor ads - 'I did the make up on Raptor' type ads
16. Cheese ads where people have better lives because they eat cheese

 

[Knacker]

Best ad is the one with Pele saying that it's alright if you can't get an erection!

And the John Smith diving ad.

Edit: The Pele ad would have been funnier if they had some fit girl in a comprimising position with a Pele mask on

 

[krystal]

sorry
I take all that back

the ad I *really* hate the most, and which deserves the man in it being given a fisting by someone wearing a cheese grater goes to

Virtual Butter

ARRRGHHHHHH

 

[Ex-User (1146)]

here here! that cunt better die soon! (if you know what i mean, aarrrggghhhhh!)

 

[Hector Grey]

all ads are cunt, but especially that rats gee of a face cunted head cockwobbler in those galtee ads. if he nicked my sanglidge i'd shove a sausage up his hole then superglue his arse shut and laugh while maggots crawled out of his nose.

and bog roll add.

 

[krystal]

virtual butter. MY HOLE.
well, we'll all be laughing at the smug butter eating fuck when he's in hospital having a triple by-pass and the fucking cholesterol is being hoovered from his arteries

Jerry what eats all the rashers and puts the empty milk carton back in the fridge is approaching Tom 'Virtual Butter' Eastenders 'I'm an O'Maonlai'. I'd have murdered that ugly curly haired fuck if I had to live with him

 

[ronan yakuza]

hack his balls off with a rusty breadknife...

...whoever made the fabric conditioner ads with that pair who're made out of fabric and are tied to a conveyor belt heading for a spin-dryer without conditioner.

Please.

 

[krystal]

they truly are fucking terrible - "DARRRRRRREEEeeeen, you're creasing meeeeeeeeeeeee'
most ads on TV send me into a total rage

especially ones for:

Norn Iron out of town Shopping Malls, such as the Buddddderrrr Creeeaaannnnnnnnn In Newry and sundry other shite malls in places such as Lisburn etc. Notable of the genre is the one where a lady in an armchair is whizzed around some rubbish shopping experience past enticing shops such as Dunnes and Boots. Grate.

Fat cow dawn french advertising chocolate oranges

DFS ads

Paedo-tastic Nappy ads

etc etc

 

[Anthony]

The Danone one with the two New Dublin were rich and have an active social life (with esch other) but not rich enough to not live in shared accomodation but sure isnt that what our taret market are like Dermot. (deeeeerrrrmmo)

"Come on were going to be lasssshhhhhhhhheeeeeeeee"
"How do you do issssshhhhhhhhhhhhssshhhhhhh?"
"i've just ssssssshhhhhhhhhhorsssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhed out my digessssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhttttttttttion"


Oh and as for Jerry - beheading's too good.

 

[krystal]

which Jerry? Both Jerry's are scabby fucks if you ax me.

 

[the bearded lady]

Originally posted by kirstie
sorry
I take all that back

the ad I *really* hate the most, and which deserves the man in it being given a fisting by someone wearing a cheese grater goes to

Virtual Butter

ARRRGHHHHHH

jesus, how could i forget, AND the other butter ad with the rim with the biggest chin since jimmy hill!
and the toothpast ad with the 3 lil' cunts in the tent in the back garden - the traveller (again), the token nigger and the honkey. and then the lil' ugly science-defying-shaped-mouth WANKER who's beautiful smile is the subject of the brushing!!!
ahhhhhhhhhhh;lskdjf;alksjdf;lajs;osighhhhhhhhhhghannndlaksjdonoooooooooo!

HOW COULD WE FORGET EVERY AD EVER MADE FOR A NORTHERN IRELAND SHOPPING CENTRE - BUTTERCRANE, FOYLE ETC., WHICH USUALLY INVOLVE A COMEDY EMU PLAYING A SAXAPHONE OR SOMETHING!!!!!

 

[krystal]

Originally posted by the bearded lady


HOW COULD WE FORGET EVERY AD EVER MADE FOR A NORTHERN IRELAND SHOPPING CENTRE - BUTTERCRANE, FOYLE ETC., WHICH USUALLY INVOLVE A COMEDY EMU PLAYING A SAXAPHONE OR SOMETHING!!!!!

well see, I didn't forget. In fact I am sent into a rage each and every festive season by the rim-job graphics, clunky execution and wobbly voiceovers for these sad pathetic excuses for shopping centres. I betcha there's only loads of them up north cos everyone is too fucking scared to shop out in the open.

 

[ronan yakuza]

I'd apologise for those northern shopping centre ads...... but then, I didn't make them.

 

[krystal]

oh that's ok
I actually know someone who does, or did make them
I always really want to just shake her and ask 'why?? WHY!???'
but I suppose that would be rude

 

[Anthony]

why do they always involve a child molestor in a brown coat and wellies. usually nude inderneth. And they're all shitholes. Like Navan shopping centre where they actually have a public tv for the footie and the racing for the pricks while the women drag the little pricks around a-wear looking for tight sparkly tops with the name of some "glamerous" american city on it. oh and the centre is fully smoking. In fact it's mandatory.

 

[Knacker]

All finance ads...

"Have no money? Own a house? Nobody will give you money because you're "the rich bird uptown who blew all the her inheritance on rent boys and gin"? Why not give us the deeds of your house and we'll screw you over for the next couple of years while you pay for your cancer operations... call 11800 666 666 and one of grunts will be happy to talk sweet nothings into your ear while us fat bankers rub our hands in glee. CALL NOW!"

 

[snakybus]

Originally posted by Anthony
oh and the centre is fully smoking. In fact it's mandatory.

Proper order. Out with the health Nazis and their clean lungs!

I don't recognise any of these ads, I mustn't watch much box. Actually now that I think of it, I usually turn down the ads and read some of my book.