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There is an amazing playground dictionary with all this kind of stuff in it, it's at http://www.disappointment.com , which coincidentally is one of the funniest sites on the web. Unfortunately the guy who runs is (as you will see if you visit the site now) is going through a rough patch and has...

Axe me rasher Ha ha!!!! Brilliant. :D I'm beginning to think we may need to call in the services of Anne O'Malley for some funny verbiage. Fung......is a verb meaning for someone to kick (or "Root" or "Plant") someone else really hard, in the "Arse", resulting in a "Malafoostering" of...

And WHAT in the name o' Jayses is McDaid's Football Special?

Re: maize grits In the Schtates they have these things called Cheez Doodles, right, and they're like chickatees, only with this appalling "Cheez" flavoured bright orange mank dust on them which gets all over your hands (aside: little girls use this very dust as make-up when they're playing...

If you're walking backwards that is.... You trying to wreck the guy's head? oh. wait a minute.

Jesus, does nobody play drums in the city? Seriously, drums are way more fun than guitar. Play drums. For god's sake. This is my request: A good singer-songwriter is looking for a drummer to play at a gig very shortly to launch his ep. The stuff is well written and melodic, and simple...

OK. This time?

I wanted to say that this was really funny. And I wanted to say it with a picture. And it won't work. So that's why.

I'm Barney.......UUUURRRRRRPP Y'see this is the question that did it for all y'all: 13. What would be your ideal gift? A pony. A cool, refreshing Duff. World domination. The ideal man I think my non committal answers sealed my fate. Still. Could be worse. I could be Gil. Aw...

Sorry about that dude, didn't see this. Still though, good gig, non?

Re: You want more? Yep, me too, and I tried some variant spellings of the name too, but no luck. I really want to read his lyrics. Another classic: "It took me 15 years to get here, but by god I'm here". Actually, I've forgotten all the quotes I specifically wanted to remember. Damn you...

Anybody else check Count Tornado last night? Wasn't he brilliant? I haven't seen so much enthusiasm in one person for ages, and he had the Ian Curtis dance off to a t, which was cool too. And the cape. Anybody know him or know anything about him? He mentioned a website...

Hiya backatcha. Yep, I just got back last night. The wedding was amazing. I now have loads of helpful hints for those who are getting married, which I plan to share with you at the soonest poss. (Hint: Have pelicans involved). When is this Jimmy Cake gig? I now also have desparately empty...

The oboe: The ill woodwind that nobody blows good hee hee. yar.

Wank machines *bzzzzzzzt* You have exceeded your withdrawal limit for today *bzzzzzzzt* What? Have I fuck! I took out 10 euro. And I just got paid today. What's the story? You're having a laugh,wha? *bzzzzzzzt* SILENCE! There will be no argument *bzzzzzzzt* Jesus! I need money for...

Re: Birth of the Reader Nutshell.

Garry out of Smile records goes down there a lot with his mates around this time of year, and he says that the thing to do is go down the day before or after the solstice. Which makes total sense. I mean the sun doesn't move THAT much, and the whole process apparently works fine for a day or two...

Please let this work........ OK, here goes.....

Ah jayses. I din't see any fighting, although I did get carried away with the insulting and the escalating. Well. And I did think it was all funny. Until I saw it in print. Then it just seemed sordid and grubby. Spoilt Boob Job = Fergus Papercop/Lazybird + dj bloke who I didn't know, but who...

Dammit. Too late to edit now. I stand for all time as one scummy-minded bastard. Edit: Still. It was funny while I was writing it.