What movie did you watch last night? (5 Viewers)

[Jill Hives]

Meh.

 

[Jill Hives]

Continuing on my netflix, "I've never heard of this film so I must watch it now" downward spiral.

Oddly enough, both films referenced the same quote, "Mistakes are the portals to discovery." Coincidence? Spooky.

Paul Rudd looking hot. -7

This is no Twin Falls, Idaho but I still love you, Mark Polish. -5

 

[David Kronenbourg]

 

[Scientician 0.8]

Red Dawn (2012): Apart from being more of a fantasy than a fairy tale I found it pretty entertaining. I think the original Red Dawn has the edge on it though. Some decent action scenes and it's thankfully not too long clocking in at a daycent 90 minutes.

 

[GO]

Sound City.

Was good up til when they take the mixer outta the building.

 

[David Kronenbourg]

The Master. A second viewing confirmed all the problems I had with it in the first place - weak story, lack of clear motivation for the characters (what was Lancaster Dodd's goal with The Cause? He doesn't appear particularly insane or profit motivated). However, it's gorgeous to look at and Philip Seymour Hoffman is fantastic.

 

[pete]

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Been wanting to see this for a while and I was not disappointed. Really, really good.

 

[GO]

Wow!I wanna see that!

 

[pete]

Wow!I wanna see that!

you should. he'd be immediately recogniseable from so many TV shows to anyone of... a certain vintage, but until i saw that trailer I'd no idea what his name was, or just WHY he was all over the TV back then

He made numerous television appearances in the 1970s and 1980s, including guest appearances on Hawaii Five-O, Match Game '79, The Hollywood Squares, The Love Boat, The Hardy Boys, The Odd Couple (as himself), The Muppet Show (as a guest star), The Fall Guy, and The Gong Show.

i mean he wrote this for fucks sake

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and this

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and this!

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and now he's on the new daft punk album

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[GO]

I'm watching it as we speak!

Yay!

He used to pop up EVERYWHERE on telly!

Haha

 

[GO]

That was class

 

[David Kronenbourg]

Behind the Candleabra. Liked it a lot.

 

[Cormcolash]

Man Of Steel

Man Of Shite

Even by Hollywood blockbuster standards, this film is fucking shite. I mean, I tried to switch the brain off, but it's just too bollocks. We are talking "Worse than the first Incredible Hulk film with Eric Bana" levels of shite here.
Sure, the first 10 minutes or so were great, mainly because Russell Crowe, of all people, is one of the only actors in the film. And he gets to have a fight, around the world.
Sure, Kevin Costner is pretty good as his da. Even though he could have just phoned that one in.
Let's go through it sure:

Acting - actually solid enough considering, the Superman lad is fucking terrible but the rest of the cast does okay really. It's the direction that is more the problem, I would think.

Dialogue - fucking atrocious, naturally. Did someone get paid for this garbage?

CGI/Action - MEH (except for the opening scene, which was pretty cool)

Plot - Who the fuck wrote this shit? Diabolical. Really, really, shit. The plot is shite enough, but it's the way it leaps from one idea to the next, with no real explanation, no development, no preparation, that really makes it terrible. On the plus side, there are plenty of comedy 'science' type justifications for things. It's like a blockbuster version of The Hangover - hey, let's put these characters in this situation, and see how they react. In Superman's case, he will react by flying at various things with a big grimace on his face. Oh look, Superman is shouting in determination, how dramatic. Which brings me to -

Drama - Nobody told any of these dudes what that word means. It is full-on 'boring, I don't give a fuck' the entire way through the film. Fucking Russell Crowe is the most dramatic person in the film. I mean, I like Russell Crowe, right, cause he's been in some good films and that, Gladiator and all, but he's hardly fucking Daniel Day Lewis. Basically, when Russell Crowe and Kevin Costner are making everyone else look like they can't act, you know you've got problems. So anyway, the drama in this film basically consists of Superman going "NNNAAAAGHHHHH" a few times whilst he flies at things. Like anyone gives a fuck. At one point the bad guys 'menace' his ma - and at no point is it menacing. Oh, Superman might have a thing with Amy Adams. Too bad his supercock will accidentally split her in two if they ever get anywhere with it.

Direction - Amazing, incredible, visionary. Those are three words that will never be associated with this film. This is like some M Night Shyamalanamanalananalmamalnan shit going on here, although at least it doesn't quite descend to that level of comedy.

Lastly - Music. Wait, wait - surely I can't criticize Hans Zimmer? The golden boy of Hollywood film music? I mean, what the fuck, his studio looks like this!!

Well guess what? Hans, your score for Superman was - fucking shit!!! The music in this film basically consists of c sharp - f sharp, c sharp - g sharp, and c sharp - a sharp, accompanied by 16000 drummers. Pretty sure those were the pitches anyway. It's shite. Hans Zimmer did a great score to Gladiator - maybe it was actually Lisa Gerrard who had all the talent for that one though, based on his latest piece of work. I mean, fuck me, he has a studio like THAT, and this is the shit he comes up with? A load of fucking tom hits?

Overall - As mentioned, this film is completely fucking shit. 1/10. That '1' mark is for the first 10 minutes or so, which were good enough. Just like that last Bond film actually, Skyfall - first 10 minutes great, rest of the film total shite. Although it is harsh on Skyfall to compare it with this.

Redeeming features - Russell Crowe fighting someone, Kevin Costner working on a farm, Larry Fishbourne is automatically hilarious in any role he plays nowadays, Amy Adams is a dream girl.

Unsaveable bullshit - Everything else about the film

Moral Lesson of the day -

Spoiler

If the council of Krypton had just fucking killed General Zod at the very start of the film when they had the chance, they would have saved thousands of lives. Capital Punishment pays!!!

 

[Unicron]

CGI/Action - MEH (except for the opening scene, which was pretty cool)

That bit on Krypton, I thought was mindblowingly good in terms of cgi. Shit that could have only been done in CGI but which didn't look like CGI. And while there were fast cuts and all that stuff because it's a movie made in 2012/13 you could still see what was going on, basically whatever Michael Bay does wrong which made me feel like I was going to have a seizure when I saw his first Transformers movie wasn't done here.

After that though it got quite ropey, they must have blown huge amounts of the budget, both in terms of time and money on the opening bit

Spoiler

the fire on the oil rig was terrible

And overall the film was poor.

However many stars it merits though, it get's an extra one because Superman doesn't wax his chest.

 

[Cormcolash]

Speaking of M Night Shyamalamalamalamalamalamalamalamalamalamalamalan

After Earth:

Will Smith and his son crash land on an Earth which has been abandoned for centuries because we fucked up the atmosphere to basically make it unbreathable for humans any more. Or something like that.

I don't know why I watched this film, I think I was just bored. Anyway, having done a big review for Man Of Squeal, this one will be short.

Basically, this film is actually alright. Like, it's watchable. The story makes some vague kind of sense, the plot is mostly followable, the acting is completely average, etc etc.
What I'm saying is, that this film is better than Man Of Steel, because of how shite that film is.
Still, I didn't know M Knight Shyman was directing it until the end, and I have to say it was no real surprise - which says something about the direction of the film (hamfist in the air).

Visually it's very nice actually. Bit like Avatar - looks great, not much else to it. At least Avatar had Colonel Hap Hapablap from Small Soldiers being angry all the time for us to laugh at though.

Overall - 4/10

Redeeming Features - lots of it looks good, and at least you can follow the plot

Why Couldn't They Have Done It The Other Way -

Spoiler

Will Smith and his Son almost die in this film. If fucking only.

 

[David Kronenbourg]

John Carpenter's The Ward. Poor stuff. Dull, badly cast and full of cliches. I really hope this is not Carpenter's swan song.

Basket Case. Bizarre, gleefully disgusting horror comedy. Bit of an Evil Dead vibe off this.

 

[Cormcolash]

That bit on Krypton, I thought was mindblowingly good in terms of cgi. Shit that could have only been done in CGI but which didn't look like CGI. And while there were fast cuts and all that stuff because it's a movie made in 2012/13 you could still see what was going on, basically whatever Michael Bay does wrong which made me feel like I was going to have a seizure when I saw his first Transformers movie wasn't done here.

After that though it got quite ropey, they must have blown huge amounts of the budget, both in terms of time and money on the opening bit

Spoiler

the fire on the oil rig was terrible

And overall the film was poor.

However many stars it merits though, it get's an extra one because Superman doesn't wax his chest.

Yeah, the Krypton bit is the only good part of the film, like I say.

Superman can't wax his chest, because the wax wouldn't be enough to remove his superstrong hair, or some shit, etc etc.

 

[Mormon Nailer]

Saw Both Superman and After Earth over the weekend.

Superman, OK until the last 3rd, which is hellishly loud and annoying. What exactly was the point of the Roland Emmerich level of destruction? Trains get fucked about like toys and Metropolis is subjected to a dozen 9/11s in an afternoon. What's next?
Superman is at it's best when it's a nerdy Clark Kent have to secretly use his powers - this whole conflicted thing .... what's the point of a conflicted God exactly.

After Earth
Could have been ok..if...the could could act and if the monster wasn't so crap, and if the idea of genetically engineering something to hunt humans and forgetting to give it eyes wasn't such a typical pile of M Knight Shamlaldingdong crap.
It could have been a good race against time film in an interesting setting.For example the shots of the buffalo were great and then (in the 100K he has to travel) he goes from prairie to tropical jungle

Spoiler

alos..."everything here has evolved to kill humans" - how did this happen exactly? - and everything obviouls excludes Eagles who can feel gratitude or something

 

[Cormcolash]

Yeah, they need to watch Pitch Black and The Chronicles Of Riddick really!

 

[Anthony]

Another Year, mike Leigh film. Class.
To Rome With Love, decent enough recent woody Allen fare.
Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes, fucking brilliant.
Anger Management, woeful shite altogether. Not even saved by marissa.
Some comedy with billy crystal and bette middler being grandparents. Surprisingly watchable.

Holiday film watching.