Office-Speak phrases you hate (1 Viewer)

[Jrad (BFB.ie)]

There's a girl in my job who does exactly this. I thought it was just her.

Fuck. Her!

 

[Doctor Muscles]

"You're fired you useless fucking turd."

 

[Super Dexta]

my employers, according to a recent email, want to foster a vibrant community of grassroots innovation among their employees.

my boss would have fucking kittens if i started pulling any grassroots innovation shit in the office.

 

[Froog]

if i hear "challenging environment" one more time i'm going to fucking scream.

also, when people are laid off, "we assure you it will be with dignity and respect". phew, i feel a lot better.

 

[sealed human]

In my place ppl not toeing the line will be 'managed out of the company'

Does that mean your team leader will bark motivational slogans at you while security escorts you from the premises?

 

[Froog]

guy: are you from cork?
froog: yes
guy: jaysus, whats happening down there at all?
froog: er..what?
guy: the hurling, it's in some mess...
froog: ya, terrible
guy: really terrible, what do you make of it?
froog: er...bad...management?
guy: terrible...
froog: hope...it..gets resolved soon?...bye.


why does everyone assume you've got a hard-on for GAA if you're from cork? and why can't i ever admit i don't?

 

[Man In A Can]

I hate when people say "correct" instead of "yes". Just really annoys me.

 

[theoootini]

correct.

 

[egg_]

I hate when people say "correct" instead of "yes". Just really annoys me.

For lent I've resolved to reply to all yes/no questions in binary - 1 for yes and 0 for no

 

[Cormcolash]

Binary solo

 

[nooleen]

these are more of a teacher-speak than office-speak thing but:
'all things being equal' and 'for all intents and purposes' (or for all intensive purposes...)

 

[Froog]

UK councils ban jargon:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/7948894.stm

some of the banned:

Blue sky thinking
Can do culture
Coterminosity
Double devolution
Horizon scanning
Improvement levers
Pathfinder
Potentialities
Quantum
Revenue Streams
Subsidiarity
Symposium
Thinking outside of the box
Value-added

 

[Cormcolash]

They're bringing their vocabulary base back to the grassroots.

 

[Froog]

"there's been some bun-fighting over the comms plan"

 

[spuded]

I dunno if this has been mentioned here before but I hate that term 'rolled out' in seems to be all the rage these days when people in work are talking about new policies or projects as in "The new referral criteria will be implemented on the 1st of April and rolled out over the next six months".

so fucking annoying, every second prick I work with is using it.

 

[Super Dexta]

i can handle rolling out but not ramping up. i can't turn around in work without entering some ramp-up phase or other. dose.

 

[sealed human]

We're in danger of being left behind here in my place, due to 'major paradigm shifts' in the market.

In other words, the public just realised our product is sheeite..

 

[Red_Dog]

Hi all,

Please see the below, some of which may have been mentioned prior to my post but I feel that in keeping with best practice they should be re-highlighted.

"Well be ramping it up over the next few weeks

"We need to be proactive rather then reactive

"Im not a fan of blah and heres why

"Please find attached said blah

"Can you please forward same

"Moving forward

"X has been actioned to mentor y

The little pricks who will never say a bad word about anyone else even in the face of obvious incompetence because they read some poxy management book about referring to everything in the positive all the fucking time

I used to work in factory and the line managers used to over use the word product(singular) way to much."Can you move that product" " can you clear that product".Theyd be talking about a hundred fucking yokes

I witnessed this bird in my job having the term 'blue chip' explained to her and two days later she did this report with the phrase 'Some of our blue chip clients- spa.

The one that gets me the most , which is not really office speak.
Can I have a skinny latte .Mines the skinny blah. How much fucking hassle is it to just say 'Low fat' you fucks. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

 

[nooleen]

i just got an email with a lot of points to respond to and to my horror heard myself thinking, 'right, i need to make a list of action points'.

is that what skinny latte means, i thought it was a coffee in a narrow cup. ha

right, i'm off to rustle up a list of action points to be tabled at the next department rap session, i'll touch base with you goys later ya

 

[jonah]

someone may have said this already but it really irritates me when people use the words 'bogged down'...like 'don't get too bogged down with that'...uuugggggggh. it makes me get the vomity taste.