Office-Speak phrases you hate (3 Viewers)

[Unicron]

"For fuck's sake Ian."

 

[Cormcolash]

Oh yes! I have so much housemate hate this year. Last year was a breeze in comparison... really I think I'm the bad housemate.

Feel free to post all about it, so that I can recall my own horrible housemate experiences and summon up that suppressed hatred at their memories, then feel great when I realise that I never have to see them ever again. I'm sure you're a wonderful housemate!

 

[Pedronimus]

Exceprts from a phone conversation at the next desk over.
"...optmising the flow.......blah blah.......driving the agenda.......blah blah.......whatever comes down the value stream"

Water based metaphors are in.

 

[Goodbye]

Jesus wept

 

[Pedronimus]

She was just using the desk for the afternoon. After that 45 minute phone call I'm still not sure what her job function is or what department she works for. I think she is trying to change people's behaviour using powerpoint presentations.

 

[theoootini]

hearing a lot about the need to "deep dive" requirements lately.

heurgh.

 

[pete]

hearing a lot about the need to "deep dive" requirements lately.

heurgh.

Yeah there's a lot of that about these days. Bollocksology of the highest order.

 

[Pedronimus]

Careful it's trademarked.

The DeepDive™ is a combination of brainstorming, prototyping and feedback loops merged into an approach that executives can use with teams to help develop solutions for specific business challenges. The DeepDive™ can be done in as little as half a day, or to help achieve results over a longer period.

https://www.deloitte.com/view/en_US.../a02b312c66702210VgnVCM100000ba42f00aRCRD.htm​

Deep Diving sounds like having a few meetings.​

 

[Jerry Twig]

hearing a lot about the need to "deep dive" requirements lately.

heurgh.

Thought you were talking about that capsized ferry

 

[7 - No tomorrow]

Not quite on topic, but anyway
A colleague while discussing the declining standards at a consultancy we deal with -
"These new guys come in and do their 8-10 hours, and just leave, they don't care"

So there you have it, 10 hours a day on a salary equals not caring about your job.
Some days I think that I will actually welcome death.

 

[jonah]

Deep diving sounds dirty to me

 

[chutneyfarmer]

Not quite on topic, but anyway
A colleague while discussing the declining standards at a consultancy we deal with -
"These new guys come in and do their 8-10 hours, and just leave, they don't care"

So there you have it, 10 hours a day on a salary equals not caring about your job.
Some days I think that I will actually welcome death.

"These new guys come in and do their 8-10 hours, and just leave, they don't care" - A Cunt (2012)

 

[Theseus Mock]

Thankfully don't work in an environment with office speak bullshit. My boss's boss is an American, we're all part of the same team, work on stuff together & she's in and out of our office to bitch about stuff during the day. She's a great one for the profanities, I'll usually hear a few "fuckers", "bastards" & "assholes" on a daily basis. She's cool. We're doing a CFT at the moment where one other department has pretty much withdrawn their part of the funding (our project is going to render a lot of their manual antiquated ways obsolete) so she's on fine form of late.

 

[Cormcolash]

Next time you hear that deep diving phrase in a meeting, you should ask if they want you to curl up in a ball on the floor and hold your breath until you pass out.

 

[theoootini]

imma deep dick they asses.

 

[jonah]

imma deep dick they asses.

Ah yes, THATS why I was finding it dirty

 

[Pedronimus]

I just got invited to watch the Technical Operations Leadership Jam.

 

[Squiggle]

Thankfully don't work in an environment with office speak bullshit. My boss's boss is an American, we're all part of the same team, work on stuff together & she's in and out of our office to bitch about stuff during the day. She's a great one for the profanities, I'll usually hear a few "fuckers", "bastards" & "assholes" on a daily basis. She's cool. We're doing a CFT at the moment where one other department has pretty much withdrawn their part of the funding (our project is going to render a lot of their manual antiquated ways obsolete) so she's on fine form of late.

Sounds awful, you should come back here where apparently it takes two years to do something we'd have achieved in my previous employer in a month tops!

And the endless meetings when nothing worthwhile gets said or done...

You must be missing it...

 

[Cormcolash]

I just got invited to watch the Technical Operations Leadership Jam.

Tell them to play some Slayer

 

[fobster]

People you have never heard of BCC-ing what appears to be the entire (vast, vast) company their goodbye e-mail

Emailing the entire company and requesting a read receipt was a nice move I saw once. Goodbye inbox.

In the middle of annual review... must write self-appraisal... "