If Thumped were a cop show... (1 Viewer)

[Squiggle]

at HMD's suugestion, and unbeknownst to jane (who incidentally is in danger of being written out of the series due to complications with her work permit), you resolve to disguise yourself as a maid and get a job cleaning seancs house. you will, of course, have cameras embedded in your duster and dustpan beaming out a live feed which i agree to monitor. corpse mistress kirstie will help you with your disguise although it will have to be quick as her own body is corroding from all the make up she's lathered herself in. she will expend her last breath telling jane about this plan and so jane will be able to rescue you just as things go pear-shaped at seancs

Feeling reasonably safe with reliable Ret. Sgt. Shaney monitoring the camera feed (and being careful to ensure that the camera at no time shows my shoes or up my skirt - you can never be too careful) I begin work at seanc's. The cook looks familiar... hold on, it's that detective fiction writer who was under investigation last year... always seemed to be around anytime there was a murder... what's she doing here then?

Yesssssss! Bagsie all the fit, young roughians !ninjaaaa

I've forgotten who you are again weeyin but we need to fit a dramatic reveal of your nymphomania (and use of Mackle's prostitute ring) into the plot somewhere just before you're fired for sexual harrassment of your male co-workers.

 

[carbide]

thats kinda like my role - maybe we could develop a romantic subplot featuring our characters? i think you should be a glasses and pink frock wearing nerd.

this is true, i got mixed up at page 967...

perfect! i have the glasses and pink frock already. we met through la la or squiggle in their respectable day job aspects.

maybe for the episodes where you're not available/off making a film, i can appear with you narrating. "last week, i got a letter from an old friend, describing a strange mix-up she found herself in..." extra cop, villain and incidental roles too.

 

[Denny Oubidoux]

I've forgotten who you are again weeyin but we need to fit a dramatic reveal of your nymphomania (and use of Mackle's prostitute ring) into the plot somewhere just before you're fired for sexual harrassment of your male co-workers.

she's a distraction - she flirts with the male detectives to stop them solving crimes. shes the reason i missed bellatrix catching you with your wig off and then bashing you with the iron and tying you up in the pantry before you found out what she was up to

 

[Denny Oubidoux]

this is true, i got mixed up at page 967...

perfect! i have the glasses and pink frock already. we met through la la or squiggle in their respectable day job aspects.

maybe for the episodes where you're not available/off making a film, i can appear with you narrating. "last week, i got a letter from an old friend, describing a strange mix-up she found herself in..." extra cop, villain and incidental roles too.

grand. squiggle doesnt actually have a respectable day job - she's a photographer. im not sure exactly how i came to tip her off to seanc and ernestos escapades in the jacks but im sure it will be revealed in time.

 

[Squiggle]

I am the police crime scene photographer... you were on the force with my now deceased father - he was your partner and you retired early when you witnessed his gruesome murder.

 

[carbide]

grand. squiggle doesnt actually have a respectable day job - she's a photographer. im not sure exactly how i came to tip her off to seanc and ernestos escapades in the jacks but im sure it will be revealed in time.

is crime scene photography not the career of choice for a well-to-do family's fifth son anymore? gimme a sec, i need to revise some careers pamplets and recalibrate my look of disdain for squiggle.

 

[Denny Oubidoux]

oh thats right, i forgot due to my alzhiemers. the murder was one of mackle's early crimes and thats why i'm so anxious to bring him down.

 

[Denny Oubidoux]

is crime scene photography not the career of choice for a well-to-do family's fifth son anymore? gimme a sec, i need to revise some careers pamplets and recalibrate my look of disdain for squiggle.

i thought she was paparazzi - thats lala, isnt it

 

[Squiggle]

is crime scene photography not the career of choice for a well-to-do family's fifth son anymore? gimme a sec, i need to revise some careers pamplets and recalibrate my look of disdain for squiggle.

Although you're not aware of it you are still under investigation as a possible accessory to over 30 murders.



LaLa is a journo, in my spare time I provide pics for some of her stories... working for the force doesn't pay well.

 

[Denny Oubidoux]

Although you're not aware of it you are still under investigation as a possible accessory to over 30 murders.

not my little carbide? these allegations could drive a wedge between you and me. and i after paying for you to go to a fancy boarding school and all. how could you?

 

[carbide]

not my little carbide? these allegations could drive a wedge between you and me. and i after paying for you to go to a fancy boarding school and all. how could you?

she's on the right track, except for one...critical...point. i'm not an accessory to murder - i have an accessory that detects murder. not like those stuffed shirts will ever listen to the truth, though.

(the writers were taking a real risk combining romantic subplot and boarding school.)

 

[Hector Grey]

is this show still on? i stopped watching after det. doug ross left.

 

[Osama Van Halen]

JIM FUCKIN' ROCKFORD.

DON'T CARE WHAT I DO AS LONG AS I'M IN THE EPILOGUE...

ALL THE PRESIDENTS QUANDO's

 

[Squiggle]

not my little carbide? these allegations could drive a wedge between you and me. and i after paying for you to go to a fancy boarding school and all. how could you?

she's on the right track, except for one...critical...point. i'm not an accessory to murder - i have an accessory that detects murder. not like those stuffed shirts will ever listen to the truth, though.

(the writers were taking a real risk combining romantic subplot and boarding school.)

After carbide rescues me from the broom closet and helps me to escape from seanc's with the some of the evidence we need I make it my next task to clear her name once and for all.

 

[Denny Oubidoux]

After carbide rescues me from the broom closet and helps me to escape from seanc's with the some of the evidence we need I make it my next task to clear her name once and for all.

ok. incidentally - having locked you up without me noticing bellatrix disguised herself as you and followed the signals being beamed out of your duster to me. i was fooled for a short while and let her tamper with the recording machinery however instead of deleting all the footage as she intended she accidentally uploaded it all onto the net (this is how carbide found out you were locked up and needed rescuing). this whole thing has gone mega now!!! the whole city is on the case.

bellatrix, disguised as squiggle, is now attempting to track down and kill lala (dont know why really) and the real squiggle is also trying to track down lala who is already preoccupied escaping from mysterious assassins sent by johnnyraz and from seanc who is still finding the time to take potshots from his hellicoptor. squiggle wants to collaborate with lala on a sensational story for the morning paper. johnnyraz, meanwhile, has given up with the assassin idea and has secretely resolved to ride lala to death in the christmas special but dies in surgery after enlisting the bungling lab boffins (flashback and broken arm) to enlarge his waepon to a murderous size. can anyone remember why he wanted to kill her?

to wrap things up i think we just need to figure out the relationship between bellatrix and seanc ( i reckon theyre mackles parents) and get everybody to sign enough confessions to lock mackle up for good.

then we can move onto series 2...

 

[Corey]

This is getting outa hand.


(cue laughter)

 

[Squiggle]

What about the obligatory cliff-hanger?

 

[Hector Grey]

When does Juliet Bravo turn up?
I fancy her.

 

[Denny Oubidoux]

What about the obligatory cliff-hanger?

now that his empire has collapse around him mackle climbs to the top of liberty hall intent on throwing himself off in a last ditch attempt to avoid prison. bellatrix, his repentant mother, begs with him from the roof door not to do it but shes not having much success. seanc, before he too is captured and sent to jail, agrees to take lala in his helicoptor in an attempt to save his young crimelord son's life. when he sees the 'coptor approach he jumps but lala then jumps out the door of the hellicoptor and glides after him, with the aid of a snowboard, and catches him and delivers him to jane who is waiting below with handcufs at the head of a large crowd. after a suitable sharp line from jane ("the game is up mackle" or something like that) the crowd cheers and the show ends with the camera pulling back up to show the scene from above. credits roll over stills of the entire cast enjoying themselves in coreys bar, while janes rendition of "delta dawn" plays as the soundtrack.

the end.

i better do some work here....

 

[Hector Grey]

i hear the network is cancelling this show.