I AM IN A BAKE AND REALLY NEDD TO BREAK SOMEONES JAW! (3 Viewers)

[Mormon Nailer]

I think it would be easier if they were just consistent. Like, one day you're allowed to bring a bottle with a flaming rag in it, no problem, and the next day they want to remove 90% of your blood because your veins are over the 100ml limit.

The anxiety of their inconsistency makes me feel less safe. That, and the fact that being weirdly obsessive about the size of a shampoo bottle just detracts attention from stuff that matters, like making sure your engines are all functioning.

There was a great story about a woman flying in the US last thanksgiving weekend.

She was bringing some sort of food home for the weekend, soup of some kind.

There was a big debate about whether she should be allowed on with it. The soup was frozen. The ruling was she could get on the plane as the soup was solid going through security even though it would be liquid by the time the plane landed.

The shoe thing drives me nuts as well.

The logic of the shoe thing is so that you cant have explosives in the soles however the check they actually do - putting the shoe through an x ray cant teat for explosive anyway. it's a complete pantomime

 

[jane]

There was a great story about a woman flying in the US last thanksgiving weekend.

She was bringing some sort of food home for the weekend, soup of some kind.

There was a big debate about whether she should be allowed on with it. The soup was frozen. The ruling was she could get on the plane as the soup was solid going through security even though it would be liquid by the time the plane landed.

The shoe thing drives me nuts as well.

The logic of the shoe thing is so that you cant have explosives in the soles however the check they actually do - putting the shoe through an x ray cant teat for explosive anyway. it's a complete pantomime

Ha ha, fucking amazing.

Just last night I was reading some anecdote about the first-ever cargo of ice that came into Dublin in the 1850s. The fellas at the port didn't know how to classify it, so they left it on the docks while they argued to fuck about whether it was a natural or a manufactured good. In the meantime, the blocks all melted into the Liffey.

But yeah, the whole thing is a total farce. I remember a few weeks after 9/11, they made me put my makeup in my checked bags flying out of Newark. Apparently, the glass bottle could be used as a weapon (If you don't blend your foundation properly, THE TERRORISTS WIN.). So then I go through security and buy a big fucking bottle of Bombay Sapphire in the duty-free. Before I paid for it, I asked one of the security people if it was okay to take it on the plane, since I had not been allowed to take my teeny tiny glass bottles. She was like, "Of course it's fine." Presumably, only non-duty-free bottles can be smashed and used as a makeshift weapon.

THEN! There was the thing last year where they changed the rules again, and it was okay to bring sharp scissors, but not a bottle of hand lotion.

I wonder if the no-liquids thing might have something to do with the growth in shopping areas inside the terminals.

 

[thisgreg]

Going through the airport nowadays is like the test steve martin has to do when he gets pulled over in "The man with two brains", it's ridiculous! What knobs! I've always resented that toiletries rule.

ah the rules really seem to vary from airport to airport and person to person. I saw them trying to stop people take vinyls back from atp last year, that's "risk a crisp" with steve and dani stuff.

 

[magicbastarder]

a chap i know got on a plane in america in december 2001 carrying a blowpipe, and his (now) wife had her nail scissors taken off her.

best one i've heard though is my cousin, after doing charity work in papua new guinea, was made an honorary chief of the tribe he was working with, which included being given a seven foot spear. he was allowed on the plane with it.

 

[jane]

best one i've heard though is my cousin, after doing charity work in papua new guinea, was made an honorary chief of the tribe he was working with, which included being given a seven foot spear. he was allowed on the plane with it.

Thank god it wasn't a liquid spear.

I also remember fellas in Miami getting let through customs with a shiteload of fucking semi-automatics,although they hadn't been allowed to bring them on the plane -- just let straight through customs with no hassle. Some of them even took the guns out to show them off in the airport. I was stopped for having a cheap plastic doll that rapped in Portuguese when you squeezed it, and was left there so long that by the time I got out, it was an hour later than my connecting flight was supposed to leave (which thankfully was delayed and I didn't miss it, but that's beside the point).

 

[broken arm]

do everyone a favour and get the boat and train to london in future.

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[Mormon Nailer]

The more airport security I see the madder I get because it is a complete farce.

I can through Heathrow a couple of weeks ago. They weren't asking people to remove their shoes - I was wearing a pair of steel toe capped boots. (before 911 I used to always wear steel toecaps flying as you bypass the whole palaver of taking shuff out of your pockets, you walk to the x ray and point at your boots and they wave you through -
sometimes waving a wand over you, sometimes not)

Anyway as I came through the X-ray with the boots on nothing happened.

I said to the guy "are you sure your machine is working case I have steel toecaps on" he just looked at me and waved me through.

While this is going on people are frantically ditching bottles of evain and cans of impulse behind me.

Like I said Pantomime.

 

[billygannon]

Can you bring tears on a plane?

 

[Mormon Nailer]

Can you bring tears on a plane?

50 from each eye only.

 

[Franco]

I was going through Shannon a few years back, and the security guard stopped me for having a Swiss Card in my wallet. It had a knife and a scissors in it so fair cop; i usually leave it at home for flights but forgot this time.

The guard was an auld dude, and he was looking at it and looking at my passport.

"Which (surname)s are you? Are you Joe's son?

"Yeah"

A beat.

"Tell him he's an awful bollocks."

Gives me back the lot and lets me through.

 

[Pedronimus]

you should have poured all the aftershave over yourself, sprayed the shaving foam all over your face, the shampoo all over your hair and filled your mouth with toothpaste and said 'can I go through now?'

 

[hotroc]

I flew out of Dublin a few weeks ago and they took a stone from the beach and a roll of sellotape from my carry on bag. Apparently i was planning on attacking people with the stone and restraining them with the sellotape.

 

[ratmonkey]

Sorry

Aftershave

Old Spice it was.

Endorsed by Bruce Campbell.

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[Jill Hives]

I was once taken to another room and practically striped searched In Logan Airport because they thought I had a throwing star hidden in my shoe. It was my necklace that I took off (because they told me to) and I tossed it in my shoe so I would know where it was. Harassed to no end. Big mirrored room. Nearly missed my flight. I hate flying.

 

[Diddles]

So then I go through security and buy a big fucking bottle of Bombay Sapphire in the duty-free.

Never understood this either. I've gotten on a plane with a bottle of absinth and a lighter. Could have set the plane on fire if I felt like it.

 

[Unicron]

Do it dude, I think today is a "funny Friday". The country needs saving.

 

[therealjohnny]

I do hope they get that Brush Shields in to sing his funny songs

 

[rettucs]

had good crack in Orlando airport a few years back. A few of us were travelling and one of the lads had recently been in a motorbike accident and had made shit of his leg. He had pins galore in it and was on crutches, so putting him through the metal detector was a bit pointless.

Anyway, through he goes with the crutches, and sets the thing off. Hes told to go back through, which he does. The moron ATS dope tells him to put the crutches on the belt. He says no, that he can't walk without them (which was a lie, but on a point of principle he wasn't putting them on). They weren't gonna mess with him cos of the risk of being politically incorrect with a person who is technically 'disabled'.

Yer wan didn't know what to do. She had to call her supervisor. When he arrived they told my mate to go on through, apologied to him, then bollocked yer one out of it. It was deadly. One-nil to the little guy!!!

 

[jane]

Totally unrelated, but someone I don't particularly like got in a bit of trouble (not enough, if you ask me) for refusing to teach a university class until the 'fire hazard' was removed from the room. The 'fire hazard' was a student in a wheelchair.

She told him he had to leave the chair outside the room, or leave the class entirely because he was a danger to the other students, in that dangerous, dangerous wheelchair. He asked her how he was meant to get back into the room once he put the chair outside, and I think got one of those 'don't get smart with me' comments.

Unfortunately, the cow did not lose her job, only had to make an apology or something. She was a nasty piece of work anyway, but I think she had connections so she couldn't be sacked like a normal person.

Sorry. Back to airports. Pricks.

 

[7 - No tomorrow]

I had a pocket knife taken off me at security in Logan.

It was about 4" long and could have been used as a stabbing or cutting weapon.

True story.