Heavy thoughts (3 Viewers)

[flashback]

Mayhap shit in the cistern itself? Providing it's not your toilet of course.

That was my first suggestion. The upper decker. But, sir ninja was all up on his high horse about that.

 

[ernesto]

If you dont have a brick handy, you may simply stand in the cistern, thus displacing the water a la Archimedes principle.
You will then have to pivot, and drop your brown trouts off at the river from above.

The splashback would be ferocious, however you would be safe at that height.

You can then flush the jacks again, and spryly leap out of the cistern, and dry your feet on the fluffy jax cover before sprinting in to watch the rest of The Littlest Hobo.

Everyone's a winner.

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to flashback again.

 

[Buzzo]

Once at a party in my brother's gaff someone shat in a piece of toilet paper and deposited behind the radiator. I'm not sure why. I'd love to know. It was a couple of days before they figured out what the honk was.

*surprise*

 

[Scientician 0.8]

I went into college one day recently and someone had constructed an everest of shit in the bowel, augmented with several layers of toilet paper. It might have been a group effort...

 

[Lord Damian]

If you dont have a brick handy, you may simply stand in the cistern, thus displacing the water a la Archimedes principle.
You will then have to pivot, and drop your brown trouts off at the river from above.

The splashback would be ferocious, however you would be safe at that height.

You can then flush the jacks again, and spryly leap out of the cistern, and dry your feet on the fluffy jax cover before sprinting in to watch the rest of The Littlest Hobo.

Everyone's a winner.

dude, you have to let us in on the Littlest Hobo fixation.

 

[Jerry Twig]

What would YOU do?

You say this as if we haven't all already been there.
You're a grown man who hasn't yet decided whether to pre- or post- flush.
For shame

 

[sugar_referee]

Once at a party in my brother's gaff someone shat in a piece of toilet paper and deposited behind the radiator. I'm not sure why. I'd love to know. It was a couple of days before they figured out what the honk was.

*surprise*

Fellas in Malahide few years back used to play the ever-popular "Dump in somewhere hard to find and then tell the host as you leave later that night , so that he has to leg it around to find it before his parents/ wife / flatmates get back " party game.
Worst thing I've ever heard was when the poor host couldn't find it once, two days later he's sitting around the breakfast table with his returned parents. Someone goes for some more butter for the second slice of toast- and THERE IT IS, nestling smugly right in the tub. Diabolically, they had covered it with about an inch-thick layer of butter after depositing it.

 

[Bellatrix]

Fellas in Malahide few years back used to play the ever-popular "Dump in somewhere hard to find and then tell the host as you leave later that night , so that he has to leg it around to find it before his parents/ wife / flatmates get back " party game.
Worst thing I've ever heard was when the poor host couldn't find it once, two days later he's sitting around the breakfast table with his returned parents. Someone goes for some more butter for the second slice of toast- and THERE IT IS, nestling smugly right in the tub. Diabolically, they had covered it with about an inch-thick layer of butter after depositing it.

Oh, the humanity!

 

[La La]

the best thing about this thread is the title. it's so emo.

 

[sugar_referee]

Oh, the humanity!

Coming to a dairy near you.

 

[HMD]

you could always flush just as you're about to squeeze it out. then they both go in the same flush and you get your arse washed.

 

[MDR]

In 'the country' they leave a turd on the table in restaurants to keep the flies away from the butter.

 

[Diddles]

Fellas in Malahide few years back used to play the ever-popular "Dump in somewhere hard to find and then tell the host as you leave later that night , so that he has to leg it around to find it before his parents/ wife / flatmates get back " party game.
Worst thing I've ever heard was when the poor host couldn't find it once, two days later he's sitting around the breakfast table with his returned parents. Someone goes for some more butter for the second slice of toast- and THERE IT IS, nestling smugly right in the tub. Diabolically, they had covered it with about an inch-thick layer of butter after depositing it.

Dirty Northsiders.

 

[msbhaven]

I found it hard to swallow my yogurt reading this.

flush it, shite it out, wait for the cistern to refill, which on average is what 2/3 mins? then flush again

oh the dilemma of it all

 

[billygannon]

I enjoy coprafagia from time to time. So when left in a dilemma such as the one cited by Code Ninja at the start of this thread, I tend to take the fæces and devour it like the hungry shit-jackal I am.

 

[c0De_n1NjA]

I went into college one day recently and someone had constructed an everest of shit in the bowel, augmented with several layers of toilet paper. It might have been a group effort...

turd level education

 

[TrueLoveWaits]

Fellas in Malahide few years back used to play the ever-popular "Dump in somewhere hard to find and then tell the host as you leave later that night , so that he has to leg it around to find it before his parents/ wife / flatmates get back " party game.
Worst thing I've ever heard was when the poor host couldn't find it once, two days later he's sitting around the breakfast table with his returned parents. Someone goes for some more butter for the second slice of toast- and THERE IT IS, nestling smugly right in the tub. Diabolically, they had covered it with about an inch-thick layer of butter after depositing it.

Jeeeeeeeeeeesssus!!! That's disgusting. Is that true? I can no longer eat my lunch

 

[Yurn!]

Fellas in Malahide few years back used to play the ever-popular "Dump in somewhere hard to find and then tell the host as you leave later that night , so that he has to leg it around to find it before his parents/ wife / flatmates get back " party game.
Worst thing I've ever heard was when the poor host couldn't find it once, two days later he's sitting around the breakfast table with his returned parents. Someone goes for some more butter for the second slice of toast- and THERE IT IS, nestling smugly right in the tub. Diabolically, they had covered it with about an inch-thick layer of butter after depositing it.

Now way would i go near the mayo either.

 

[theoootini]

Jeeeeeeeeeeesssus!!! That's disgusting. Is that true?

na. urban myth. heard that same story about two lads living in a flat in cork who were bored one summer and invented a game called hide the turd. they took turns hiding turds in unusual palces until finally one guy hid his turd so well that the other guy couldn't find it anywhere. apparently the other chap, crafty little turd burgler that he was, had sliced open the butter and hidden a little bobble of poo inside the butter and sealed it back up. the bobble of fetid poo wasn't discovered till someone found it spread on toast.

 

[msbhaven]

hiding it in Marmite would've been the crafty thing to do