Depression [Aware Helpline 1890 303 302] (2 Viewers)

[jonah]

If I'm prying tell me to mind my own business but why stop?

Not at all, good question hah! Well, I'd been on sertraline for about a year and it was working well, but ultimately was a bad combo with my epilim. I also had a personal goal to give it a year and see if I could do without. I think it'll be fine in the longrun, I think its like... positive medication experiences can have their own negative aspects, like... coming off them, you sort of feel like a safety blanket has been taken away. I'm sort of getting used to feeling sort of volatile again, and trying to figure out how much of that is completely normal, and how much of its not. If that makes sense?

 

[Unicron]

Not at all, good question hah! Well, I'd been on sertraline for about a year and it was working well, but ultimately was a bad combo with my epilim. I also had a personal goal to give it a year and see if I could do without. I think it'll be fine in the longrun, I think its like... positive medication experiences can have their own negative aspects, like... coming off them, you sort of feel like a safety blanket has been taken away. I'm sort of getting used to feeling sort of volatile again, and trying to figure out how much of that is completely normal, and how much of its not. If that makes sense?

It does entirely. I've been offered the option of a prescription in the past but my issues have always are recurring and relapsing with gaps of a few months in between. I've always taken the view that I don't want to be full time medicated for something that I'd only need the medication for part of the time.

 

[CinnamonBoy]

Oh and btw @CinnamonBoy your writings are v amusing, but you sound pretty fucked up and in need of some help

Well, who knew? @egg_ was right.

Though it's taken me about 5 years of a slow slide to get to this point. Nowt to do with the drugs. Fuck, they kept me sane for a while. Especially the AMT (originally an anti-depressant).
Now I've reached a point where I've told some close friends and my parents that I'm really not ok a lot of the time (y'know, like they say it's ok to do on the ads).

So....anyone recommend a good doctor or clinic in the city centre?

My own GP (since I was 5 years old) would probably try and introduce me to a pioneering new treatment called electro-shock therapy or something.

I rang Aware but they couldn't offer recommendations. I'm not rich so I can't afford to spunk €55+ on someone who is shit.

Ta.

 

[7 - No tomorrow]

I'd still think your doctor is best placed to offer advice in this regard.

He might surprise you. (I'm assuming it's a guy)

 

[CinnamonBoy]

I'd still think your doctor is best placed to offer advice in this regard.

He might surprise you. (I'm assuming it's a guy)

Even my dad told me not to go to him, and he's based miles from anywhere where I tend to pitch up these days (city centre, north Wicklow)

Since I've felt a general malaise since I was about 13, it'd be extra helpful if the doctor had a good understanding of indie-pop/rock from 1980-present.

 

[hydromancer]

Are you looking for some kind of psych therapy ?

 

[CinnamonBoy]

Are you looking for some kind of psych therapy ?

No, I have a pal who I opened up to as I knew she had depression and she advocates doctor, Prozac and counselling. A year or so down the line and she looks great and is really happy most of the time.

I want that.

Also that Ramone's tune Psychotherapy put me off the idea.

 

[nooleen]

i'd say no more substance abuse is the absolute number one thing

 

[7 - No tomorrow]

And as dumb as it sounds, try and get some fresh air and exercise every day. I'm reliably informed that this improves day-to-day dealing with shit.

 

[nooleen]

i always feel great after going for a walk, but still only do it about once every couple of months

 

[CinnamonBoy]

And as dumb as it sounds, try and get some fresh air and exercise every day. I'm reliably informed that this improves day-to-day dealing with shit.

I was just out running 5 miles in the wind and rain.

I know HOW to be fit and healthy and I'm not in too bad shape considering it's just after Christmas.

It's not the dealing with shit that gets me, it's just the maintaining that for any decent length of time before I descend into a total "what's the fucking point?" state of mind which eventually leads to me abusing drugs and alcohol to draw a veil over the day so I can just drift along. I'll be 33 next month and it feels like I'm just on my next spin round on the carousel or something. And I have a kid. And when even having a kid isn't enough to stop you getting down enough to contemplate suicide then it's time for something more than fresh air, exercise and a healthy diet, I think.

 

[7 - No tomorrow]

Not a cure-all, just advice from someone going through a similar experience. But maybe not quite the same. This person had difficulty leaving the house. Doing just that was a victory which helped with everything else.

The drugs and alcohol advice is certainly likely to be more effective.

And more than that a counselor, as you know.

 

[CinnamonBoy]

I've cut out both for months at a time. The malady always returns. It's like I'm fucking dead inside sometimes. I started a job in September. At the beginning I was feeling like a fucking king. By end of October I was slipping. Just about made it to December and the end of my contract.

 

[GO]

I'm rooting for ya CB

 

[7 - No tomorrow]

I've cut out both for months at a time. The malady always returns. It's like I'm fucking dead inside sometimes. I started a job in September. At the beginning I was feeling like a fucking king. By end of October I was slipping. Just about made it to December and the end of my contract.

Well, that sounds like bipolar. Which is awful, but treatable.

I have asked about a Dublin counselor. Not sure if this person know one.

 

[CinnamonBoy]

Well, that sounds like bipolar. Which is awful, but treatable.

I have asked about a Dublin counselor. Not sure if this person know one.

Aye, that would be my self-diagnosis.

Anyway, it also should be mentioned that not only did I see the Manic's do The Holy Bible less than a month ago, my bro got me an excellent biography of them which I just finished last week.

Actually it was possibly that which has saved my life, in a funny way.

Any recommendation would be great, thanks.

And thanks Gaz, you probably kick-started the whole chain of events which has led to me seeking pro help when you said my writing was good!

 

[jonah]

Where abouts are you based? I went to my regular GP in Ranelagh Medical, and she was incredible. She prescribed SSRIs and referred me to a CBT clinic (this is for generalised anxiety and major depression disorder). I'm normally not one for therapy, had bad experiences throughout my teens with psychotherpay, psychoanalysis etc... Its not my bag.

I would thoroughly recommend CBT though, particularly if you do end up going the medication route, which I know a lot of people on here are against, but it saved my life, 100%. Anyway, CBT has been great for me because it doesn't just go "lets look back into your past and figure out the root cause of this", because in my opinion that doesn't work, and past issues can't be resolved. It's a more forward looking, practical solutions kind of therapy, and its just really there to help you figure out coping mechanisms for yourself, which I would imagine would be awesome for you if your coping mechanisms are currently really destructive.

Anyway, if you want any more info on the above, feel free to PM me!

 

[jonah]

*Also, sorry to keep ranting about CBT, but... you mentioned that you feel like you can sort of get yourself together for a while, but not sustain it, and kind of go back into the "whats the point" mentality.. that was / is exactly what I was like, I'd get my shit together, feel like I was happy and then just sink back into it. Honestly, thats normal enough when you have untreated mental illness, major depression isn't something that sustains all the time, it tends to come in peaks and throughs.

One of the main things I've gotten from CBT, particularly after coming off my meds recently and sort of meandering back to feeling a buit volatile, is learning to deal with the negative thought patterns you can work youself into. I know I'm sounding really "new age bullshit", but honestly, this whole thing.. its an illness, and yes its never going to go away entirely, and yes it can't be cured, BUT you can learn how to cope with it, you can teach youself ways to control your own behaviour, because Im sure you know, your own worst enemy when you're feeling like this is yourself.

Anyway, sorry for blabbing, but the last thing you want to think at this point is "Every time I feel better for a while, I just end up feeling like shit again anyway, so why bother?", because that's the very thought that stopped me from helping myself for years and years of my life, and honestly, you can get this under control. Its really fucking hard, but you have to work at it and it'll be worth it.

 

[ann post]

https://iveronicawalsh.files.wordpress.com/2015/01/albertellistable.pdf

 

[CinnamonBoy]

I've an appointment with the local GP here on Monday anyway. Thanks for all the advice above, I'll get a chance to read it properly later and hopefully by Monday evening I'll have some sort of a plan set out.