Brianoak fans: Read it and weep (3 Viewers)

[glen]

Coming Soon: "Miss B Haven: The Thread".

XXX rated and reads something like a Jackie Collins/Jilly Cooper novel with lots and lots of:

- Arguments
- Double Double EnTenders
- Strops
- Sex bits
- Arguments
- Libelous comments
- Arguments

 

[egg_]

brianoak is a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. He has been known to remodel train stations on his lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. He translates ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, he writes award-winning operas, he manages time efficiently. Occasionally, he treads water for three days in a row.

He woos women with mhis sensuous and godlike trombone playing, he can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and he cooks Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. He is an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, he once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. He plays bluegrass cello, he was scouted by the Mets, he is the subject of numerous documentaries. When he's bored, he builds large suspension bridges in his yard. He enjoys urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, he repairs electrical appliances free of charge.

He is abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over his original line of corduroy evening wear. He doesn't perspire. He is a private citizen, yet he receives fan mail. He has been caller number nine and has won the weekend passes. Last summer he toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. His deft floral arrangements have earned him fame in international botany circles. Children trust him.

He can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. He once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. He knows the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. He has performed several covert operations for the CIA. He sleeps once a week; when he does sleep, he sleeps in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, he successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to him.

He balances, he weaves, he dodges, he frolics, and his bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, he participates in full-contact origami. Years ago he discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. He has made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. He breeds prizewinning clams. He has won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. He has played Hamlet, he has performed open-heart surgery, and he has spoken with Elvis.

 

[Brush]

Thanks Pete I will be saving this and opening it on rainy days when I think all hope is gone.this thread will be my rock.

what kind of rock?

post-rock?

*groan, groan groan*

sorry

 

[Brush]

brianoak is a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. He has been known to remodel train stations on his lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. He translates ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, he writes award-winning operas, he manages time efficiently. Occasionally, he treads water for three days in a row.

He woos women with mhis sensuous and godlike trombone playing, he can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and he cooks Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. He is an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, he once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. He plays bluegrass cello, he was scouted by the Mets, he is the subject of numerous documentaries. When he's bored, he builds large suspension bridges in his yard. He enjoys urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, he repairs electrical appliances free of charge.

He is abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over his original line of corduroy evening wear. He doesn't perspire. He is a private citizen, yet he receives fan mail. He has been caller number nine and has won the weekend passes. Last summer he toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. His deft floral arrangements have earned him fame in international botany circles. Children trust him.

He can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. He once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. He knows the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. He has performed several covert operations for the CIA. He sleeps once a week; when he does sleep, he sleeps in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, he successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to him.

He balances, he weaves, he dodges, he frolics, and his bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, he participates in full-contact origami. Years ago he discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. He has made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. He breeds prizewinning clams. He has won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. He has played Hamlet, he has performed open-heart surgery, and he has spoken with Elvis.

He's Still not going to fuck you though.

 

[puppetmonkey]

I simply must buy a new pair of trousers.

Where does the enigmatic and predictably stylish brianoak get his clothing?

I refuse to settle for anything less...

 

[nofriendo]

I simply must buy a new pair of trousers.

Where does the enigmatic and predictably stylish brianoak get his clothing?

I refuse to settle for anything less...

Brianoak does not buy clothes he constructs them using only his mind combined with the atomic powers of pure html and guitar solo's

 

[RSJ]

Brianoak is the only person known to have directly referenced anal sex in front of the pope, having answered the question "are you feeling alright" with "like a pederast in a swimming pool with the lights off".

 

[RSJ]

Brianoak holds the record for the shortest appeance on Wogan, after answering the question "how're you today brian" with "like the pope in a swimming pool with the lights off, terry".

 

[RSJ]

Brianoak cured Pete Doherty of his dibilitating crack habit by playing him a guitar solo based on the CSS file behind Geocities.com; he subsequently readdicted him after he realised Doherty was, in fact, a cock.

 

[nofriendo]

Brianoak cured Pete Doherty of his dibilitating crack habit by playing him a guitar solo based on the CSS file behind Geocities.com; he subsequently readdicted him after he realised Doherty was, in fact, a cock.

Your on roll now!

 

[Wavioli]

is it true that brianoak invented the breakfast roll?

 

[glen]

Yeah right.

 

[nofriendo]

is it true that brianoak invented the breakfast roll?

Brianoak invented breakfast as a break between playing guitar solo's and having sex all night to writing pure HTML all day. So in turn he owns all breakfast related objects

 

[nofriendo]

If you say brianoak 5 times while running around the hell fire club backwards all of space and time will cease to exists in a black hole of pure HTML and romping guitar solo's

 

[RSJ]

Deciduous trees actually shed their leaves in spring but hold onto their leaves all summer lest they get in brianoak's way; they drop said leaves in autumn once brianoak has gone indoors to get stoned for the winter.

 

[Brush]

Which one is brian?

 

[RSJ]

The ice age occured when brianoak dumped mother nature (then miss nature). She never quite got over the break-up and takes a half day off work around Dec 22nd each year.

 

[RSJ]

Which one is brian?

All of them - until 1957, Brianoak was the world's largest conjoined twin. The operation to seperate took five years, and killed 15 surgeons. Brianoak was the only surviving twin. His first words on regaining cosciousness were "there can be only one".

 

[brianoak]

Nofriendo wins for reatest elaboration of my achievments.
Hats off Davey.
Your still a fucking prick though.

 

[brianoak]

Re: Brianoak appreacition thread

it's true, y'know. i saw pix from an Oak gig and Brian's one hot cookie!

Best post ever.
True aswell.