Band histories (1 Viewer)

[chickenham]

Hi everybody,
I feel its time that those of us who think we know a thing or two about music gave something back to the community. Not everyone has the great resource of facts and trivia that we take for granted. Lets write some infotaining potted histories of great bands. I'll start the ball rolling.

Van Halen:
Van Halen started in 1984 when Eugene Van Der Graaf wrote a little ditty called 'Jumpsuit'. The song was a big smash on local radio so Eugene had to form a band to promote it. He roped in his brother David Lee Der Graaf on bass and some guy and also Dave Lee Travis on vocals (better known to his friends as The 'hairy eggs'). Travis' enormous ego made for quite a live spectacle but this inevitably led to friction. The 'hairy banana-milk' was ousted from the band after just one album, the legendary 1984, named after a year, and was replaced by Hagar 'the horrible' who was previously in the Daily Mirror. Hagar continues to rock the mic to this day.

 

[chickenham]

Black Sabbath:

Black Sabbath was formed by Don 'Sharronnnn' Arden in 1967 as a Monkees-style boy band with a horror theme. He found Ossie 'John' Osbourne breaking into abattoirs to sound car-alarms at the cows to make them feel better. The two fell in love instantly. The rest of the band were playing in a heavy R'n'B combo called Filth. Don locked them in a room for a month with nothing but whacky tobacco and hundreds of Hammer movies. When they came out they were Black Sabbath.

The material that Arden procured for them proved very successful and hits like 'Adenoids' and 'Wartypigs' kept the coffers flowing over. The band, however, found they had a gift for writing and started to put pressure on the management to allow them to perform original material. The success of albums like 'Masters of the universe' and 'Bloody foreigners bloody' proved them right.

The first line-up of Black Sabbath ended in tragedy when Ozzy had to be institutionalized because of his insistence that a hobgoblin was stalking him, trying to take his job.

While in care Ozzy had a sex-change, modelling himself on Bonnie Tyler. When he came out he was most surprised to find that Don 'Sharronnnn' Arden had also had a sex-change in order to propose marriage to Ozzy. They were the oddest couple in rock, that's for sure.

Ozzy reverted to being male in the 90's and the couple became socially acceptable again leading to a very successful 'real reality' TV show. He and Sharronnnn are happily married to this day thanks to massive doses of prescribed medication.

Black Sabbath hired the hobgoblin but it didn't work out. A series of vocalists (including a Cat) all proved unsuccessful and the band never found the solidity of the Ozzy line-up. The hobgoblin jumps in periodically to this day when the 'Sabbath aren't strong enough to resist.

 

[desertedvillage]

Keep 'em comin'.

 

[chickenham]

Queen

Queen began in 1967 when Farouk Balsawood walked in on a rehearsal of the band formed by his Indian college friends Raja Taylor, Brian Maya and Djinn Deacon. As usual the band were having terrible difficulty, with each member of the band trying to play his own favourite genre all at the same time.

Raja loved Heavy Bongo-Bongo music with castrato singing on top, Brian loved the roaring gay music of the Screaming Gay Twenties and national anthems and Djinn loved Digi-dub splatter-core fusion. Each would play louder and more wildly to drown each other out and possibly even kill each other.

The day that Farouk walked into the room and said that he had heard the future of music and insisted on fronting their band, everything changed. Queen was born and Farouk Balsawood became Larry Lurex. Cosmetic surgery for Larry’s grotesque overbite was one of the first items on the Queen shopping list when they signed a deal with Evil Am I records. The doctor however said that Larry’s vocal prowess and theatrical flamboyance were entirely because of the overbite and so, even when the overbite sprouted an even more ridiculous growth of hair later on, no action would be taken.

Hits like ‘We are the champignons’, ‘Flash’ and ‘Bohemian earspoons’ created a series of media sensations, linking the band to psychoactive drugs, indecent exposure and obscure weaponry. This only fuelled the unstoppable Queen celebrity machine. They went too far however when the played a black-only concert in apartheid South Africa which everyone thought was simply not-on.

Queens fortunes were reversed once again by their appearance at the ‘Pissing in the wind’ concert for famine relief in 1984. The triumph masked a secret tragedy, however, as Larry had only just found out that the hairy growth on his overbite was, in fact, an evil parasitic twin who ate all of Larry’s food ‘just to get at him’. Still unable to face the prospect of having the growth removed, Larry subsisted on the remnants of his meals that the growth was unable to finish and eventually expired in 1984.

 

[Mitchum]

Heh.

 

[Wheels]

I'd love to know more about the history of Fleetwood Mac if you have any information.

 

[ernesto]

I'd love to know more about the history of Fleetwood Mac if you have any information.

yeah... "they were good... then they got shit"
any more Chickenham?

 

[Denny Oubidoux]

yeah... "they were good... then they got shit"

am i alone in thinking the nicks/buckingham period was better than the peter green?

 

[Mitchum]

am i alone in thinking the nicks/buckingham period was better than the peter green?

Nope.

 

[therealjohnny]

am i alone in thinking the nicks/buckingham period was better than the peter green?

Moderator! Ban please

Nope.

This one too

 

[Mitchum]

Pfft.

You Can Go Your Own Way

 

[Moods For Mallards]

The Rolling Stones were formed in 1993 by two junior ministers in John Major's Conservative government, Michael Jaguar-Hall (MP for Aldridge-Brownhills and heir to the Jaguar motor fortune) and Cecil 'Keith' Richard (MP for Bexleyheath & Crayford, lifelong bachelor). The two united over a shared enthusiasm for the John Spencer Blues Explosion and the Primal Screams and soon the comfortable surrounds of the Soho House were rocking to their primal rhythms and suggestive lyrics. Those slouched in the velvet-covered sofas discussing the various intrigues of state were at once roused to clap and stamp along; the Rolling Stones (gathering no moss, as the saying goes) were soon avoiding the obvious puns by eschewing the company of supermodel waifs on their way to the top of the hit parade.
Recruited to the combo were fellow politico Ronnie Wood (LAB; Aberdeen North) and civil servant Charles Watts. The comic actor Bill Murray did not take his place in the classic line-up until much later.
MTV latched on to the lads' novelty cover of Bob Dylan's "Like a Rolling Stone" in early '95 and suddenly the unlikely sight of the loose-limbed lawmakers was observed on TVs across the land.
Major himself commented that the success of his colleagues was proof positive that Britain was a place where the old and infirm still had a place, where it was never too late to get on your bike and change your career. He pointed to the Rolling Stones as a shining example to the indolent middle-aged miners and factory workers of the frontier regions who spent their time starring in and watching sentimental BBC dramas about the disenfranchised working class.

 

[Moods For Mallards]

am i alone in thinking the nicks/buckingham period was better than the peter green?

About 20 times better. Where are Peter Green's catchy choruses? Tell me. Where?

 

[ernesto]

About 20 times better. Where are Peter Green's catchy choruses? Tell me. Where?

catchy choruses me arse

 

[Vinnie]

You're on your own on this one stress and not in a maverick way neither.

Moderator! Ban please




This one too

 

[Jill Hives]

Pro Stevie Nicks here.

 

[therealjohnny]

ah here



People!!

Exhibit 1


Exhibit 'number' 2

 

[ernesto]

i agree with johnnystress

 

[c0De_n1NjA]

someone tell me what i think, quick. its almost 5:30

 

[Denny Oubidoux]

ah here



People!!

Exhibit 1


Exhibit 'number' 2

be careful with that gun! you'll hurt your foot. nobodys saying early FM were bad, just that they improved as they went on. when i clicked on your first link there and saw oh well i assumed the second clip would be something like the green manalishi with the two pronged crown, first train home or old grey mare - something to hammer home your point about early being better. then i thought to myself "what could i post from their latter period to back up my argument? hmmm...." and the first thing i thought of was Lies. theyve had albums since tango in the night, havent they? i confess to not having heard any of these ones.